- Member Since 29th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Oct 15th, 2022
The Drunken Sailor
God, I need a drink.
The Drunken Sailor
Joined 29th Dec, 2012 ·
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Awesome!.....so far.......
You lost my attention right there.
This has potential. I'll favorite this for updates.
Thank you for the favorite, it is appreciated.
2549230 it's propably from all the errors in the spelling, i'm guessing you don't have a proof reader?
I am going to read this because on one of the chapter headings.
I had to the second I read "I'm not in Canada anymore."
Resting?
Field? Shield doesn't seem right.
Focal?
Got to be careful with spell check. It's not always ones friend.
3861911 Yeah, spell check is evil an likes messing with me... If you want, you can serve as my editor, you seem good at pointing out mistakes.
How come theres always some magical charger thing in the Everfree...
3920909 Because the Everfree is the centre of everything in the universe ever.
Obviously.
I wonder how this situatuion will be remedied
3922081 Which situation?
3922349 How he will respond to the story could either go horribly wrong or good
3922376
It is yet to be seen, but stay tuned to find out, next time. On Humani Victoria
I am intrigued. go on.
Well i am waiting do more....
4110390
AC- After Celestia.
*claps hands* well done.
4111063 but that would mean that Celestia is dead.... Oh to hell with it i'll just read the story
2494917 Sounds violent
I think the "RPG quest thing" was a nice idea, but I dont think it would be good if this goes through the whole story. Maybe again in later chapters.
4156322 That means: "I will watch the story."
4156345 That's what I meant, it won't be in every chapter, but it will be a running joke/theme.
ha he's using the Skyrim system because
one of the Divines
And
wich in Dragon means well Dragon
and thats Skyrim lore and i liked it
4156402 Picked up on that did you?
4156352 I was trying to make a joke with your choice of words but I guess it wasn't very funny
4156470 Wasnt so bad. If my english where better, I had understood it earlier^^
4156435 yes i did and it was AWESOME
Not a bad story. Needs a good editor and some tweaks to really make it pop but consider me intrigued. I just ask that you tone down the gary stuness of your OC. The guy is a teenager, not a ninja.
Beyond that, carry on.
Was good. you were moaning about writers block for days. about time you finished.
Ofc
"Twilight I need you to clean up my shit again"
"OK I AM YOUR SLAVE PRINCUS CULESTIER"
4261444 LOL yeah
4261467
Calm down, Celestia. They just shut the Magic Field off for routine maintenance!
Skyrim reference? Thought so. No matter how many times I walked by that NPC, he always said that.
4268428 Skyrim reference? Where!
4268428 Skyrim reference? Where!
4268662
Just take out Jason and you have a Skyrim reference
cloths - clothes
Such a common mistake...
Love how Celestias bias was also included in her discription of them
Should be rob
4268674 ohhhh right now i remember thanks
4269404 Thanks
4268674 "I might suit you"
Giggity
Great story. The reference was that part about mercenary work.
You just had to do that.
4305704 Your certainly a lively one aren't you?
Glad you're enjoying the story.
I broke my computer on this story. Not in the good way.
"
There are few spelling and grammar errors, but besides that- She committed Genocide on the human race, his race. And all he does is sit there. At that point, I would've A.) Killed Myself, or B.) Attempted to strangle Celestia. Then and there.
This story is good, but could do without the human basically saying "Oh, looky there! She killed my entire race... and what's that? She's asking for us to be friends!? Sure! HAPPINESS! YAY!
My unofficial rating: 6/10
(I just rate stuff for fun. Ignore the rating thing above if you want to.)
Keep in mind that this is not ment' to be mean, it is supposed to be constructive criticism.