2494917 Sounds violent

I think the "RPG quest thing" was a nice idea, but I dont think it would be good if this goes through the whole story. Maybe again in later chapters.

4156322 That means: "I will watch the story."

4156345 That's what I meant, it won't be in every chapter, but it will be a running joke/theme.

ha he's using the Skyrim system because

Spawn of Akatosh

one of the Divines
And

Dovah

wich in Dragon means well Dragon
and thats Skyrim lore and i liked it

4156402 Picked up on that did you?

4156352 I was trying to make a joke with your choice of words but I guess it wasn't very funny

4156470 Wasnt so bad. If my english where better, I had understood it earlier^^

4156435 yes i did and it was AWESOME

cloths - clothes

Such a common mistake...

"No, because that knife is important to me. I got it from... A friend and it's my last token from home, but I understand if you want to robe me of that." A

Should be rob

RPG Quest thing... I say yay! also, Elder Scrolls reference! :D I saw that!

The Dovah shook his head

Skyrim!

the Spawn of Akatosh

Akatosh, god of time, spawned dragons, depicted as a dragon... wow, must really like dragons

I am amased by how many diferent ways to say dragon you know. Also rpg quest list is fucking awesome

YAY!!!!

I've been reading this story up to now, and I have to begin criticizing.

You have to start using apostrophes and commas correctly.

An apostrophe following a noun is a possessive - for example, "Twilight's eyes" and "Jason's knife" - the noun before the apostrophe owns the noun following the apostrophe-s.

Your commas are so sporadic to almost seem randomly placed.

"Hello again Miss Applejack"

Should be
"Hello again, Miss Applejack"

If you don't put commas in appropriate places, the dialogue seems rushed and randomly paced to the reader, and it makes it really unpleasant to read.

Also, there's a problem with the way you do paragraphs.

"Thank you Miss Applejack, I appreciate it" the mare scuffed her hoof on the ground slightly

When you do something like this, it's not immediately apparent who is talking. It seems as though "the mare" (Applejack) is talking.

As for the RPG quest thing, I can't tell if it's Jason who's thinking it, and playing a game with himself, or if it's the narrator playing a game with us. If it's Jason, that's some character development and I'd request you leave it in. If it's the narrator, then I personally find it annoying, but it's your call.

I'll keep reading, but I had to get that out.

I say yay to the RPG Quest notifications being simulated. This is something I've noticed to seem wholly unique to this FanFiction, and I couldn't be more pleased with them.

"Yes, his name is Spike. Why?" Jason's palm came under the effect of extreme gravitational pull towards his face with an impact that would have made his race proud. The pattering of feet came again and the Spawn of Akatosh revealed itself yet again, carrying a carefully folded pile of silver silk in its claws.

awesome😆

"Please... Don't let them come back... They're dead... He killed them..."

which is why they should come back you murdering bitch👹👹👹

I really wanna know more about the war, I can't make a real judgement of my feelings till I do.
Great chapter Thou! Xd

Author's Note:

What do you guys think about the whole RPG quest thing? Yay or Nay?

Is it weird that I think like that on a regular basis?

Looks like something out of a fallout games.

"I've designed Clothes for Minotaurs, and while you're decisively smaller and thinner than the average Minotaur, you have the same body type." Jason blank-faced.