Anti-social, abandoned, lonely... these words describe the brony Leon who lives every day cooped up in his small house. Leon is an ex-engineer for NASA who gets laid off due to cut-backs on the company. When his girlfriend leaves him and his friends abandon him after coming out as a brony he grows very distant from the world. With nothing left to lose he decides to try his hand at making a robot replica of his favorite pony from the My Little Pony show... Sweetie Belle. Through her he learns the power of friendship and the special bond one can have between a father and a daughter. This is his story...
Chapters (3)
Oh my -- just barely enough to the left of the uncanny valley enough to still be cute. You know not what you have done here.
2521809 Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
2521819
It is your world -- I think I will find that out when I read the next few chapters. Just Leon has opened a huge can of worms and tree sap.
2521822 Sounds yummy! I am going to try my best to produce tears from a lot of readers, hence the tragedy tag.
2521831
I think you are starting with dawws... Note tragedy+sad does turn off some people. I know several readers who will read sad but shy away from that pairing.
2521831
Tragedy implies a specific tragic moment -- IE sweetie bot being disabled forcably. If there is not such a specific moment then sad is more apt.
2521850 Trust me... tragedy will be the PERFECT tag for the last chapter
tragedy tag? oh boy...
best get the blankets and tissues and therepy ready.
...and there we go, my therpist is ready for two months of work
2522113 Might be more than two months *snicker*
2522157 okay hold on then
"calls theripist" yes i would like to extend the therepy to 6 months...yes thank you.
there we go
2522173 Hopefully that should be good enough... also on a side note? This story might have a sequel depending on the ratings
2522177 wooo whoooooo!
now i wait for chapters, and i have my rarity plushie to help!
"grabs rarity plushie"
Need more so much cuteness sweetie belle is best crusader.
Interesting. I can't wait to see where you take this story.
I WANT MOAR
also there is no"Love to death" Button:
But A very nice story I hope this has sequal
That is all
It's seems good, you will get a favorite, one thing I am worried about, is that the Wife reacted too harshly. I hope there is an explanation for this, because any trusting married couple would not act like this, just saying.
2523839 Who said they were married? I said they were boyfriend and girlfrfiend
2523890 Sorry, my mistake, but still, People don't act that way. Only problem I found with the story so far.
Wait, so... he can create a sentient robot that has the mental capacity to experience love and friendship, but he can't build a rocket properly, a job he was hired to do. Seems legit.
Also, what 2524157 said. That is a hell of an over reaction, to the point of unbelievability. I would expect that kind of reaction to "I killed your family", not "I watch a cartoon".
2521863
If the story is supposed to end on a tragic note, then sad is probably not the tag you're looking for. The two are contradictory of each other. In a tragedy, you need a feeling of hope throughout the story, like things are getting better and everything will be okay, only to have it crushed. A sad story on the other hand would be more about a continuous feeling of despair throughout. Since the rest of the story isn't posted yet, I can't pretend to know how this is going to go, but judging by the description alone, I'd say you're probably aiming for a tragedy here. Unfortunately, if you just label it a tragedy, people will assume this story is about death and may avoid it for the wrong reasons, so there's that.
i862.photobucket.com/albums/ab187/TomasRichards/EdgarAllenPoeDisapproves_zps2ffcba1e.jpg
2524157 Ya, I could have explained the outburst a bit better, which is why I am going to have a few more flashbacks in the chapters to come.
2524668 As for the sad and tragic tag, I guess that makes sense... I will remove the sad tag.
While(1) {
}
(This is the reason for the tragedy tag)
2529950 Sorry, i did not get what you said.
2531601
Sorry, programmer joke...
2532341 Oh lol
2532877 MOAR IS NEEDED I WANT MOAR
2578297 BWAHAHAHAHA You will get more soon. I am 60% done with second chapter
2578341 WRITE FASTER GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
2578349 in meantime check my other stories lol
2578354 Ok
2578627 Chapter done, gotta run it by my editor now.
If you want some tips on Sweetie belle, she is hmm manipulative like Rarity, cries easily, loud, tries to help all the time, does things without knowing the consequences, is willing to talk to her family about her problems.
Otherwise, I enjoy this story, though I still do not where it is going yet. So far, it seems a lot like My Little Dashie.
2587387 That was actually the inspiration to make this story, I didn't want to do a sequel since there were too many and I didn't want to rip off of it by making a pony randomly appear so i took the artificial robot route. Also after many months of being lonely this is the story of how Leon learns again the power of friendship, and a new lesson in love being able to go further than flesh and bone.
Also thanks for the tips!
Eyes red? What happened to green?
2588791 whoops! curse my color blindness *fixes*
2591361
That's better. For a second I thought she was going evil...
2591683 lol she'd never be evil... would she?
*Puts hand up to chin* Hmm...
I have to say, I like the story.
However, as for some constructive criticism, I do feel the story is a bit fast-paced and things that could have been left for discovery as the characters develop seem to come a bit to quickly.
What I would have done is make Sweetie Bot a bit clueless and new to the world despite her pre-programmed data and make her learn things like many A.I in fiction do (at least the non-murderous ones) but also make her have a bit less emotional knowledge; If she starts off as neutral and more mechanic (as in lacking emotions) but you have her discover and grow those emotions through experiencing the world (like discovering happiness when she accomplishes something or fear when she's faced with potential danger), that would have made for a very interesting character development and I would have loved to see her grow up in a sense.
Now of course, this is just my opinion and seeing where things are today it's of course too late but I was thinking that perhaps I'd share it for perhaps any future ideas you might have.
3057726 Thanks for the advice!
Honestly though this is suppose to come as a shock to the creator much as it should be for the reader so it is purposefully kinda fast paced. However I will slow it down a tad bit.
3073526
you have no idea how happy you make me for saying I was helpful to you
You're very welcome and I wish you the best of luck!!!
3073643 Anytime! I always adapt my work based on the constructive criticism i get. This story and my others are on hold until I finish my collab story with Rainbow Dash The Awesome.
3079283
I'll check that one out as well
But for now:
3079320 It's on my page in my favorites window. It is Pokemon Crusaders.
2521850>>2522213>>2522658>>2524157>>2524668>>2527672>>2532341>>2578627>>2587387>>2578627>>2591883>>3079320 Production of Chapter 3 has begun! Not sure when it will be completed though sorry
3372299
I was like: Yeah, I have a social notification. Huh, someone replied to my comment on what? Oh, that was like a month ago.
Looking forward to the new chaper. I will offer a review if you like.
3375520 sure!
Buckle up kidz...
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/099/660/shit-just-got-real.jpg
Nuf sed heer.
3394188 totally XD
"Watch colorful ponies day in and day out."
Yeah that's pretty much what my life is now too.