Sonichu and the Autism that Pierced the Heavens

by Good Christian Ethesto

A scroacher in the woods

Twilight's exposed ball sack dangled behind her uncomfortably, bumping against her legs and tail with every step. Without a scrotum to keep them in check, her testicles seemed to have a mind of their own. Behind her trailed a panting, and extremely autistic, Chris-chan along with Sonichu and her group of friends. They had all been wound up on short notice and departed the library after Twilight received her response from Celestio.

Apparently Princess Celestio believed that a long-defeated enemy had reemerged: the scroachers. According to her, they were a race of disgusting, horrid creatures that hunted and stole the scrotums of living creatures to wear as trophies. Thankfully, having dealt with scroachers in the past, she knew a spell that would work perfectly for this situation. Inclosed in the letter was a detailed description of a spell that would allow Twilight to track her own scrotum. Casting the spell was no problem for a magical genius like Twilight, the problem was where her scrotum was located. Apparently the scroachers had taken it deep within the Everfree forest...

Twilight continued forward, her friends struggling to keep up with her frantic pace. Despite being deeply afraid of the Everfree, Twilight was even more afraid of having to live the rest of her life scrotumless. She was more than willing to risk the lives of everyone she cared about to get her scrote back. In her eyes, it would be a worthy sacrifice.

The trip to the forest itself didn't take long as the tree line was just outside of town, and before they knew it they were standing on a trail leading into the dark woods. They all came to a stop, most of the group starting to reconsider rushing headlong into the dangerous place, while Chris just needed a break after traveling almost half a mile.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea," piped up Fluttershy, her cowardess preventing her from even looking at Twilight as she made the suggestion.

Applejack nodded in agreement before adding her two-cents. "I dreamed last night. Dreams of death and suffering the likes of which I've never even imagined. It shook me to my very core."

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but laugh at her friend's joke, an infectious laugh that most of the rest of the group joined in on. "Oh Applejack, darling," started Rarity, using her favorite word in the world as always, "everypone knows dirt ponies don't dream."

Pinkie Pie nodded her head, "I've never dreamed in my life."

"But, I really did dream!" She tried arguing.

"You know, Applejack," said Rainbow Dash, getting up in her friend's face. "You used to be the most honest pony I knew. You were the element of honesty for goodness shakes! Now, it's like I don't even know you anymore."

Applejack hung her head in shame as the rest of her friends continued to berate her for being a dirty, no-good, lying, stinkin' dirt pony. A tear ran down her cheek as she realized her friends could never understand. She knew she had dreamed, even if they didn't believe her. She knew...

Eventually Twilight, in her crappy mood, had had enough of her friends insulting Applejack. It was funny and all, but they had an important job to do and all they were doing was delaying. "Enough dillydallying. The sooner we locate my scrotum the better. Come on!" She headed off on the trail into the woods, eager to reunite with her pride and joy. She had never told anyone this before, but her scrotum was her most prized possession.

They clippity-clopped down the path, the trees' thick branches hanging overhead like a cage and blocking out most of the light from the sunion. Sonichu raced ahead excitedly, going fast as is his nature. The forest was eerily silent aside from the occasional rawr of some large predator or the demonic screech of an enraged chupicabra. Despite this, the group pressed on with no delays, aside from the sweating man-child that needed to take frequent brakes.

It was on one such break that Twilight stopped her frantic pacing for long enough to cast her spell once again. Her horn lit up as she began constructing a complex matrix of magical energon with her mind doing magic. The others stared at her, taking this opportunity to rest their hooves, waiting for her to point the way. After a few moments of her horn glowing, her eyes suddenly widened and she turned to look down the path.

"We're close, I can feel it just up ahead! Come on!" Without waiting for her friend's approval, she sprinted off down the trail at a full gallop. Her testicles rattled together like a pair of hanging office balls as she raced through the trees. Her friends were quick to run after her, knowing it would be a bad idea to get lost in such a spoooky place. I mean, the plants grow all on there own there. 3spooky5me.

The crazy run through the woods didn't last long, and before they knew it the group had emerged into a clearing in the trees. And there stood what was unmistakably a scroacher, back turned to them and arms raised high towards the heavens. Its entire body was adorned in hooded robes of foreskin, sown together from dozens if not hundreds of scrotums, that sagged and swayed in the slight breeze. Clutched in its hands was the unmistakable form of Twilight's purple scrotum.

"Hey, give me that back!" Yelled an enraged Twilight Sparkle.

This seemed to finally alert the scroacher to their presence, and it turned its head, the scrotum hood falling away to reveal the decrepit, repulsive form below. Chris' eyes widened as he recognized the scroacher. Even with his horrible, underdeveloped brain, the beef-jerky-like skin was unmistakable.

"Hey, you're Danny Trejo!" he burped out, his disgusting lips flapping like a farting anus.

Danny Trejo's beady little eyes narrowed at them, the leathery skin of his face stretching and scrunching in a nightmarish way. "You gringos are earlier than I expected," he explained in a thick mexican accent, the overpowering stench of corn tortillas on his breath.

"Expected?" Qustioned Twilight. "We caught up to you and now I'm going to get my scrotum back! Clearly failing wasn't part of your plan!"

Danny let out a throaty laugh, his wrinkled exterior rippling like a raging sea of sweaty flesh. "Haha. You ponies are even stupider than white people. I was merely hired to distract you!"

"But, that doesn't make any sense!"

But Danny Trejo wasn't one to give long-winded explanations. He was more into snappy one-liners and looking like a human scrotum. Which is actually what he is. You see, scroachers aren't humans at all, but an amalgamation of scrotums, animated through some fowl magic. "This scrotum is among the finest I've ever come across," he complimented as he examined the wrinkled flesh in his wrinkled grip. "It appears you took good care of it."

"Of course I took good care of it! That's the only scrotum I have, and it's the most beautiful scrotum in the world. Now give it back!"

But Danny knew better than to believe her, for he was the most beautiful scrotum in the world, and he'd be even more beautiful once he absorbed her scrotum into his grotesque body. Without another word, he tossed the scrotum into his mouth, not even bothering to chew before swallowing it whole.

"Noooo!" Screamed Twilight, tears coming to her eyes as she saw her greatest treasure slipping away from her.

"Hey, ya big meany! That wasn't very nice," yelled Pinkie Pie.

"Yeah," Agreed rainbow Dash. "Give it back man!"

"You'd best listen, lest you want a lickin', mister!" Threatened Sonichu like a dweeb.

But Danny Trejo wasn't about to comply. Instead he simply pulled a machete from the folds of his scrotum robe and swung it around threateningly. "No way amigos, this scrotum is mine, and Mexicans don't know how to share!"

And with our protagonists, the most powerful group of ponies and people in all of Equestria, distracted, the sonion finally made its move.

Comments

[chaorock]

I get that it's a troll fic but why did you have to use autism. I actually can't read it cause I don't want to throw homicidal rage at you for the sake of my brother.

[Good Christian Ethesto]

4216758
Don't feel, conceal.
You should read it anyway and channel your anger into writing hurtful messages to me.

[helljack666]

4216763
permission to kill you horribly with a nuclear suicide trout

[Paradox Theory]

Three things before I start reading.....

1. You spelled human wrong.
2. How does autism peirce the veil? It's a social disorder.
3. How does a human have a hedgehog for a son?

[nodamnbrakes]

4216999

Autism transcends metaphysical limits. Also nice trips

[Shin Guyviroth]

I know the guy's a complete douchebag and all, but... seriously? Is this what it's come to now? Troll fics?

[Paradox Theory]

4217077. And how does it do that? The reason I ask is because I have autism and I can't traverse the veil.

[nodamnbrakes]

4218874

I know that you have autism. My autism told me about your autism.

[Paradox Theory]

4218906. Um, what? How?

[blank check]

The Autism Fairy has deigned to bless you with her presence!

goblueforautism.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Blue-Fairy.jpg

[EternityFlame]

4137443 What. The. Everloving. Fuck

[Fishberry]

Oh she was hotter than a two dollar pistol, she was the fastest thing around. Long and lean, every young man's dream, she turned every head in town. She was built and fun to handle son, I'm glad that you walked in. She reminds me of the one I loved back then.

cdn.derpiboo.ru/media/BAhbBlsHOgZmSSJwMjAxMi8wOC8xNS8wOV81M18xOV81NDZfNzUwODdfX1VOT1BUX190d2lsaWdodF9zcGFya2xlX3F1ZXN0aW9uYWJsZV9iYW5kYWdlX2FydGlzdF9kYW5hdW1lX2ltcGxpZWRfb3JhbF9zZXgGOgZFVA/75087__twilight-sparkle_questionable_bandage_artist-danaume_implied-oral-sex.jpg

[Regidar]

God dammit! All is lost!