2: Renewal
CRYSTAL KINGDOM
Twilight was in a deep, peaceful sleep as the sun finally started to rise over the horizon. As Twilight was asleep, she was completely unaware of the tormentor sneaking its way across her floor over to where she was sleeping. Within minutes, the suns light finally shined its light onto Twilights form, cause her to shuffle and groan in annoyance. She even tried to pull her sheets over her face to try and get a few more minutes of sleep.
When that failed, she just gave up on trying to get that few extra moments of sleep to recover from her birthday the day before. She carefully removed the sheets from off her body, and gently rolled out from the bed. Once out of the bed, she stretched out her muscles to loosen them up for the day ahead of her. After stretching, she made her way to take a shower to remove any sweat she might have exuded from her sleep. After a quick shower, she went to her mirror and dutifully brushed her mane.
Once all of her personal hygiene was taken care of, she made her way to the dining hall for breakfast and talk to her parent’s about what will be happening that day. As she was making her way to the dining hall, she was greeted and bowed to by the castle staff and guards.
After about ten minutes of walking, she finally made it to the dining hall. The guards at the door noticed her, bowed then opened the doors for their princess. After the door was opened, she walked into the hall thanking the guards as she walked past them.
When she passed through the threshold into the dining hall, she noticed her parent’s sitting in their respective seats waiting for to arrive before starting breakfast. She walked up to her parent’s, giving each of them a hug while at the same time saying, “Good morning mom and dad. How you both doing this morning?”
It was her father who answered the question once Twilight had sat down in her seat. “We are doing great this fine morning. In fact, there is something we want to tell you.”
Twilight’s ears perked up hearing this news. “Really, what is it?”
This time it was her mother who answered, “You remember when I told you about Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria?”
Twilight thought about it for a second before replying, “Yes, you told me she is your sister and my aunt. What about her?”
“Unfortunately for her, she doesn’t know she’s an aunt,” Nightmare Moon said. “She has no idea that you even exist. Which is why I sent her a letter telling her that all three of us are coming down for a short visit to introduce you to the rest of our family. How does that sound?”
Twilight took a little bit of time to process the information she had just been told. After some time, she asked, “When are we leaving for Canterlot?”
Before Nightmare Moon could respond, Sombra answered the question. “We are going to be leaving as soon as we finish breakfast. Don’t worry about packing anything, because that has already been done after you left your room.”
Canterlot Castle Throne Room
Princess Celestia was sitting on her throne, listening to a petitioner talking about trying to make the train station in Manehattan bigger to accommodate the amount of ponies leaving and entering the city. Princess Celestia was nodding her head showing acknowledgement, but was really thinking about something else entirely.
“So as you can tell, with all the ponies coming and going in Manehattan, making the train stat… uh, princess are you OK? It doesn’t look like you’re paying any attention. If you want, I could come back another time,” the petitioner said concern evident in his voice.
“I’m sorry, I’m just thinking about something that’s going to be happening today. I think it would be a good idea for you to come back another time. How about coming back tomorrow around noon to finish this business,” Princess Celestia said, trying to maintain a calm and collective demeanor infront of her subject.
“That sounds good to me, your highness,” the petitioner said, bowing before getting his things together to leave. “I will see you tomorrow at noon, your majesty.”
After the petitioner left, Princess Celestia called in her loyalist guards to speak with them. After a few seconds, five mares entered the throne room wearing bright silver armor discerning them from the rest of the guard. Once the five mares reached the steps to the throne, they bowed deeply. There was a bit of silence before it stopped by the orange guard who spoke first.
“May Ah ask what this is ‘bout, your highness?”
The rest of the mares looked from the orange guard to the princess with a look of confusion on their faces.
Princess Celestia sighed before responding, “The reason I have called you in here is because we have some very important visitors coming to the castle today, and I want you to be aware of whom they are.
“You know how my sister, Nightmare Moon and her husband King Sombra, are the rulers of the Crystal Empire,” At this the guards nodded, letting Princess Celestia continue, “Well, she sent me a letter this morning telling me that her and her husband are coming down to introduce me to somepony. I don’t know who this pony is, but they must be important if they are coming here with my sister and brother-in-law.
“As to why I called you in here, you are to make sure that nothing happens to them while they are here in Canterlot. Is that clear?” Princess Celestia finished.
“Yes ma’am,” the guards said in unison with a salute.
“Good. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, you will be in charge of the pegasi guards in the sky making sure nothing attacks from above. Applejack and Pinkie Pie, you will make sure that the road is clear as they make their way to the castle from the train station. You will also have a fair amount of guards to help you with your jobs. Rarity, you and about fifteen other guards will be escorting our company to the castle,” Princess Celestia said, with a full authoritative tone.
The five guards saluted, but it was Rainbow Dash who asked the question on all their minds, “When will they be arriving at the train station?”
“They should be arriving in about ten minutes. Get your troops together and head down there immediately,” Princess Celestia said with a calm but commanding voice.
ON THE TRAIN OUTSIDE CANTERLOT
“So Twilight, are you ready to meet your aunt for the first time?” Nightmare Moon asked her daughter.
Twilight was quick to respond with a smile on her face, “Very much so, mom. What do you think she’ll say when she finds out she’s an aunt?”
It was Sombra who answered the question, “That’s a tough question to answer Twilight, considering the only family she’s ever known was your mother. But I’m sure she’ll love to get to know you once she meet’s you.”
“I know she’ll be glad to be an aunt, but just know that whatever happens, we will always be here for you,” Nightmare Moon said, giving her daughter a hug for assurance. “Oh look we’re finally here, and by the looks of it, my sister was even kind enough to give us an escort to the castle.”
Sure enough, standing on the platform of the train station were about fifteen guards, one of which was wearing silver armor. This guard was an alabaster white unicorn mare, with a royal purple mane and tail. Being the only guard in silver armor, she was probably the one in charge of escorting them to the castle.
The train slowed to a stop at the station, the doors opening with the help of magic from the conductor. The guards at the station tensed their muscles, with a stoic expression on their faces waiting for the important guests to exit the train. They didn’t have to wait long, because after a second, a black alicorn, grey unicorn with a red horn and a lavender alicorn appeared from within the train.
“Hello there, my name is Nightmare Moon. This is my husband King Sombra, and our daughter Twilight Sparkle,” Nightmare moon told the guards before continuing. “We are here to see my sister, Princess Celestia. I assume she sent you here to escort us to the castle.”
It was the white unicorn in the silver armor to respond, “I am Commander Rarity of the Equestrian Royal Guard, and yes she did send us to escort you to the castle. There is a group of pesasi guard clearing the sky of any trouble, along with another group of guards making a clear path from here to the castle. If you’ll please follow me, we will be there shortly.”
“Very well, lead the way,” Nightmare Moon replied.
CANTERLOT CASTLE THRONE ROOM
Princess Celestia was sitting on her throne going over some documents that her secretary brought to her, when she heard a knock on the door.
“Come in,” she said loud enough to be heard from the pony on the other side of the door.
The doors opened to reveal an orange guard in silver armor, “Your guests have arrived, your highness.”
“Thank you Applejack. Please bring them in,” Princess Celestia said.
Applejack saluted, and walked out to inform the guests that they may enter. After about two minutes, the doors re-opened to reveal Nightmare Moon, King Sombra and Twilight Sparkle. To say Princess Celestia was shocked to see another alicorn, besides herself and her sister, was an understatement to say the least.
“Hello sister, how have you been this past millennium?” Nightmare Moon asked, as she made her way closer to the throne.
“I have been fine, and how about you? How have you and Sombra been?” Princess Celestia said, gesturing to said stallion. “Hello again Sombra.”
This time it was Sombra who spoke, “We haven’t been better. In fact, we have been doing extremely great thanks to Twilight here,” Sombra said, pulling Twilight closer to him and giving her a hug.
“I was just about to ask about her. It is not every day you see an alicorn, besides myself or you sister. Who is she, if I may ask?” Princess Celestia said, nodding her head in the direction of Twilight.
“Young Twilight here is actually mine and Sombra’s pride and joy. For you see Celestia, Twilight is our daughter making you her aunt,” Nightmare Moon said, with a smirk on her face.
Celestia audibly gasped at hearing this news. She knew that after Nightmare Moon and Sombra got married, they wanted to have a child, but she never knew they would have had one so soon. “May I ask when she was born? Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely happy for you, and myself. I would just like to know for my curiosity to be dealt with.”
Sombra and Nightmare Moon gave each other stare’s, thinking who should be the one to tell. It was ultimately decided with a loving smile from Nightmare Moon that it would be Sombra to tell.
“She was born around a thousand years ago yesterday,” Sombra said, with a smile on his face.
If Celestia’s jaw wasn’t agape before, it certainly was now. “You mean to tell me, she was born a thousand years ago, but never bothered to tell me. Who do you think you are not telling me I had a niece until all this time has passed?”
It was a dark purple shot of lightning that answered her question. “Who do you think you are talking to my parent’s that way,” Twilight said, almost yelling. “My parent’s told me that you are one of the kindest ponies that they've ever known, and you yell at them for waiting for the right time to introduce me to you. That’s not what I think about when I’m told that person is made out to be the kindest pony in the world.”
At this, Nightmare Moon and Sombra were both proud that their daughter was showing her aggressive side and shocked that the bolt of lightning she shot was about two inches from hitting Celestia. It was Nightmare Moon who moved to Twilight and try and calm her down.
“Twilight, please calm down before you do something you’ll regret later,” Nightmare Moon said to her daughter, giving her a tight hug, doing her best to calm down Twilight.
“I’m sorry mom, but she shouldn't be talking to you like that. I mean, she’s your older sister, she should be setting the example of kindness,” Twilight told her mom while returning the hug.
“How dare you attack me in my own castle! You may be my niece, but that doesn't give you the right to attack me. Guards, please escort these ponies out of my castle,” Celestia shouted in the royal canterlot voice.
This pushed both Sombra and Nightmare Moon over the edge. “How dare you talk to our daughter that way. We came here so you can meet your niece, and you go and blame us for waiting till the world was done recovering from Discord’s rule. If you can’t put that aside, then you are no longer my sister,” Nightmare Moon shouted back, also using the royal canterlot voice.
“Mom, what are you saying?” Twilight asked confusion evident in her voice.
Nightmare Moon turned to her husband and daughter before saying, “What I’m saying is that we are never going to be interacting with her ever again. I’m sorry Twilight; I know how much you were looking forward to getting to know your aunt better. But the way she just yelled at you, made me angrier than I've ever been in a very long time.”
After that was said, Twilight Sparkle, Sombra and Nightmare Moon left the castle and headed back to the train to go home.
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I agree with Navy, while the conflict between the two is the focus of the chapter, it happened much too quickly and suddenly to have the desired effect. Twilight is smart, she would know better than to threaten someone who can move the sun. If you find the time perhaps change the scene so it is something slightly more reasonable which angers Twilight, or an accumulation of things over the course of a day.
and now i am not on my usual device because i forgot my passcode and lost all my data
(i was de editor)
While I'm not interested in becoming your editor, I do have a piece of advice for you. Apostrophes are for contractions, such as don't, won't and can't, and to show possession, like Jack's pet dog ate Roger's new shoes. It seriously boggles the mind how any English-speaking person wouldn't know this.
>>kingtiger666 That last sentence of your comment was way uncalled for. I know my writing isn't the best, but that doesn't give you the right to insult me about my grammar mistakes.
If you want to insult me, PM me but don't post it where anybody else can see it.
-BMAGIC678
While the concept is great the pacing is too fast and the last scene felt forced. I also think that while NM and Celestia can live for a long time thus making their concept of the passage time different I still think that Celestia saying that she is surprised that NM and Sombra had a kid so soon is a contradiction. Though Celestia didn't know that Twilight was born a thousand years ago she did know that NM and Sombra were married. If Celestia suspected that Twilight was born a thousand her statement would be correct. This however was not indicated or mentioned. A thousand years of marriage is quite a long time by most standards. So under the belief that Twilight was born not to long ago it doesn't seem right to say that Celestia is surprised that that they had a kid so soon when it has been such a long time since NM and Sombra were married.
2709867 gee, way to congradulate him on his effort
Great, Celestia just got mad.
And now Twilight will have to fight her 5 frenemies.
Can Twilight's life get any worse?
Not that I'm complaining anyway.
>>HJSDGCE When I came up with the concept of the story, I made it to where Twilight never meets or becomes friends with the rest of the main six. With that being said she is not fighting frienemies, just plain enemies.
While the plot is good, it just goes by way too quick. Plus the reason Nightmare Moon got pissed at Celestia made not sense. If my niece tried to shoot me with a gun because I ask her mother a completely justified question, I would be pretty mad myself.
You need to extend it by providing more of a background for the conflict between Nightmare Moon and Celestia. Maybe go into the reasons for the change; was it the same as canon reasons or was there something else, how does Sombra fit into this, what about the rest of the elements? How the hell does Fluttershy, FLUTTERSHY of all ponies, manage to get the experience and grit required for a high level command position? I'd take the opportunity to try and expand a bit to make things smoother because no offense, but there are more plotholes here than in an Equestrian Harem.
I feel that that the reasoning behind the conflict is shallow and that Twilight should be younger. Besides that and Observer's point about time this is a great idea with an interesting plot.
This chapter was WAY too rushed. Also, how come NMM is... well, NMM? And why do they rule the Crystal Empire? Where is Cadance? How did ALL the Mane Six become guards? How is Twi 1000, even as an alicorn? What the hay is going on?
>>Rainbow_Flash I'm sorry the chapter was rushed. NMM was NMM because Celestia yelled at her daughter for protecting her parents. And to answer your other questions; it is an alternate universe story. It does not follow the show at all and will never follow any story line from the show.
2737787 ok, it's completely different from the show we get that. What we the readers want is a in story explanation on what these differences are. Not only will it strengthen your story but it will also expand what we know about this reality/dimension.
What I think Rainbow_flash meant was how did NMM come to be. Was she born as NMM or was she born as Luna who turned into NMM but was not sealed away on the moon (Which we would also like to know why such an event didn't happen.)
Since this story has concepts and scenarios that separate it from what we commonly know about the characters we need to know what made these versions of the main cast develop differently then the originals. It can be revealed in a number of ways as well as be a simple change or a complex one. Twilight's explanation is given even before we start reading, heck it's what drew me to this story. The other five on the other hand need a bit more. It doesn't have to be a big chapter long explanation either. It could be as simple as having it be said that at some point in the past Celestia for one reason or another was searching her land and found that the main six (Five in this case) to have certain qualities that she thought would be good to have in her military thus the main five are requested to join and eventually reach the rank they have now.
that is all.
>>observer of deminsions Thanks for explaining that for me and I see what you mean. Maybe for like explanation purposes of what happened in the past and how the rest of the main 6 got their titles, I will create a short side story for this. It probably won't be a chapter in this story, but a separate story so you the readers can understand what is happening. I can't guarantee it will explain everything, but I will do my best in doing so.
If you think this will help in clarifying what happened in the past and so forth, please let me know as soon as possible.
Till next time,
-BMAGIC678
2743764 That would be a great Idea. Since this story seems to focus on Twilight so far, a separate story focusing on the other five would be good. In essences it would provide the different view points of both sides without eclipsing each other's storyline.
I dont get it, how come Celestia is friends with NMM and Sombra?
I really think this chapter let down the story so far. It felt a little like the conflict was both too swift nd too forced.
Update?
2757662
*puts on solid snake voice and points to genre section*
Alternative universe, thats why.
Couldn't stop myself.
Good fic.
Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
Please update
.
Stopped reading there, than came and made this..... WTF? THAT ESCALATED EXTREMELY QUICKLY! also.... i don't see Nightmare and Sombra being accepted into her kingdom, or left alone by celestia, like this.... i mean, Nightmare attempted to block out the sun and make nighttime eternal while Sombra kinda took the entire crystal empire as his and ya know... Made them all slaves.
Twilight, i can see her being neutral at best with under these circumstances. Just saying~ NOW off to finish the rest of this chappy and see if my opinion changes on at least the escalation... no hopes...
LATER
i realize, i'm probably very late with this fic... but... What? What? just... What? *puts hooves onto my temples and closes me eyes* I assumed there was more in the chapter when i said the above ( Before the LATER thing ) nope, no more. Which brings me to my what... What? I mean, that escalation!!!! Was worse than i thought... Nightmare got brought into it.
I thought it was gonna be twiley rage mode activated
and celestia trying to ( unsuccessfully ) calm her down ( The aunt has to do SOMETHING in this situation other than... the whole attack stuff... ) NOPE. Just goes from Tia yelling, to Twiley yelling, to Tia yelling again, to Nightmare yelling about disowning Tia.... and Sombra's in the back acting fluttershy-like just sitting and watching.
Now i may sound like an angry hater, and to a degree i probably am right now... but honestly it's just unbelievable
Terribly sorry but i had to say this. terribly sorry.
I mean it is good in the... plot [?] sense... like what you MEAN i can understand, and it's a good idea, but the characters i doubt would act this way ( Twiley getting a free-pass because she's grown up differently ) and it's a little fast pacing with no REAL reason for some things to happen.
so yeah, just my opinion. Not saying i could do better, heck i probably will have a train wreck with my story ( it's an OC one, i'd give a link but that's self-promotion and that isn't my point... ) but it COULD be better..... Still favoriting and following to see where this story goes of course.
War is coming.
Oh, well I'll manage.
this is a very great story I eagerly await your next chapter when your hiatus is done
two words.... aw.. yeah.. twilight is so cray! (im lovin it)
More please
More soon please!!!
When will u add more
MOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MOAR!!!!
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AS MOAR AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!
Each chapter title and the name of the story are all songs from the black metal band Dimmu Borgir.
This story is dead.
So...will there be any more to this story?
>>King of Kings yes there will be more to the story, unfortunately I don't know when I will put out any more chapters. There are a few reasons for this, 1) I have been having writers block, 2) I have been extremely busy with my mother dying and all sorts of craziness figuring out what we are going to do with her stuff, and finally 3) I have been moving from job to job not finding anything permanent. What I am planning on doing is going through the chapters that are already written and see where my thoughts were going and continue from there with possible rewrites or edits of the previous chapters. for those who are following the story thank you and I will make a post when the next chapter is in the works with a possible time the chapter will be up.
2709912
Dont feel bad, i also have people on occasion bitch about my fics, if you wanna know what i mean, by all means read some of mine. i keep having to go back and "update" one or more of mine because some people are so dam picky, you know?
>>NightmareTRXY32
Thanks for the kind words and the complement for my story. It's not that I don't have any inspiration for the story, hell I can think of at least 3 different ways the story could continue just off of my moms death. It's the fact that I can't decide which idea to use so the story can flow perfectly.
Honey I love this story it is one of my favorite seriously love it I have read it 3x and never get tired so patiently waiting for the rest really love it
>>Hello 1234 Firstly, thank you for the praise of the story and I'm glad you love it so much. The story itself is most likely my greatest writing ever, even including the writing assignments I did for school. When it comes to new chapters however, I will most likely do some minor editing to the current chapters to make the story flow easier than it already does. After that will come the next chapter. Unfortunately, I do not have a scheduled time in which it will be done, but when it is, I hope that the efforts I put into it will make this huge wait be worth it in the end. Again, thank you for the praise and support of the story and I'm glad my writing has won your love.
7252933
Is the editing done?
>>Kuunlehti Unfortunately, I just got my computer a new charger and just got started on working on the editing and hopefully will get the edited version of the story out in a couple of weeks at least
when can we expect the next chapter?