• Published 28th Apr 2013
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Dr. Star Wars Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation is Magic - GhostWriter17

What happens when Star Wars, Star Trek, Dr. Who, and Texas Chainsaw mix with ponies? EVERYTHING.

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Blood On The Rails

Dr. Star Wars Chainsaw Massacre: the Next Generation is Magic

Chapter 6: Blood On The Rails

A My Little Pony Crossover Fanfiction approved by our Lord and Saviour, Kevin Bacon, endorsed by The Coalition For A Better Coffin.

By: GhostWriter17


"Lord Vader, do you know what your mission is?"

"Yes, Master N. I shall commence the mission as planned. I will not fail. The Force is on my side."

"Let us hope not, Lord Vader. Do not fail me, or there will be severe consequences."

"Do you underestimate my abilities, Master?"

"No. I am merely reassuring you of how important this mission is. Show no mercy, Lord Vader. Wipe them out... All of them."

"As you wish, Master."

Lord Vader stood at the top of a cliff edge in the mountains in between Canterlot and Ponyville. His dark armor shined in the midday sun. He breathed in and out of his now magic-infused life support system, awaiting the inevitable arrival of his target. My "Master" wishes me to do... its bidding. I shall play along. When the time is right, when I know for certain my way in which The Dark Side guides me, I shall cut it down as I have so many who have manipulated me before. He clenched his fist in rage at the thought of those accursed Jedi who had destroyed his life before his... Transformation. Of course, in due time, all apprentices surpass their masters. That was one thing I was taught,, and something I know all too well. For this one truth, I am pleased.

The Dark Lord stood in thought of his mission. Soon, a train from the city of Canterlot would pass by here, on its way to a place called Ponyville, to deliver much-needed supplies to the quickly growing town. But, there was more on this train than just simple supplies. There were Royal Guards, magic users, sent there to protect the town. According to Master N, there was a murder, something that has never happened in the town, or in all of Equestria, for that matter, in a very long time. The investigation of this murder was scheduled to begin tomorrow, but that couldn't happen. Master N had other ideas. Kill the guards. Don't destroy the supplies. Arrive in Ponyville tomorrow and await further orders. Easy. There was one detail, however, that Master N hadn't informed Vader on: He did not mention what the supplies were, just to not destroy them. It didn't matter. Vader would play along, as always. For now, all there was to do was wait patiently for his target.

There was, however, one complication. The Dark Lord had has his lightsaber taken away. He would have to get it back, assuming there were no crystals or components to make another one on this planet. He would have to do things the hard way. The Dark Lord would have to rely on The Force for this one. A minor inconvenience, nothing more. Vaders' rage would supply him all the power he'd need.

After standing stoically for quite some time, Vader heard it. A rumbling. It came from a tunnel leading to the canyon Vader was in. He could sense the vibrations of the incoming train speeding ever closer to his location. This place was perfect. It was secluded, hidden from prying eyes. Preparing himself, Vader jumped down from his perch and landed in between the tracks, silently awaiting his target.

The rumbling became louder, the chug-chugging of the steam engine could be heard. Then, a faint white light emerged from the blackness. As it grew larger, the ground began to shake. The rails to Vader's sides began to vibrate. Vader braced himself, facing the oncoming train from his left side, cocking his head to look at the light. He clenched his fists, pure Force energy warping the space around his body. A pressure both inside and around Vader was mounting, a shroud of energy enveloping the Dark Lord. His cape billowed in the energy emanating from him, blowing every which-way in a haphazard manner.

The train now exited the dark tunnel, its black steam engine shining in the light of the sun. It sped forward with such ferocity and speed that any other being would have been shocked. But not Vader. His energy, his concentration, his scorching anger, these all seemed to slow down time itself for Vader. The dark energy swarming around Vader became so intense that if he did not concentrate it and release it soon, it very well may destroy both him and the train. Thankfully, the train was now only a few feet away from Vader. Now was the time. With tremendous speed and force, the Dark Lord concentrated all of his built-up energy into his far away right hand. His fist was under immense pressure, feeling as if every cell in his hand would disintegrate from the energy. Then, Vader pulled his right fist back, and, when the time was right, palmed the steam engine head-on, causing a shockwave of energy to cascade through the train, stopping it in its tracks!

Vader breathed. Calmly. He had not expelled such energy since his battle with... Him. However, back then, when he was restrained by sadness, by guilt, Vader could not control such power. This weakness led to his downfall. But now... Now, he had mastered it! Now he had truly surpassed his masters! Now, he could truly be one with the Dark Side! Now, he would be the strongest Force wielder in the galaxy! However, now was not the time for triumph. Now was the time for vengeance. Now was the time to strike out in anger, to take out his frustrations on those foolish enough to stand in his way.

Now was the time to kill some ponies.

Vader leaped to the head of the train, where a conductor, shovel in mouth, looked to Vader in wide-eyed horror. This pony was not alone, however. An armor-clad guard came up behind Vader to take him by surprise. Vader was prepared, however. He grabbed the pony with the Force and casually crushed his lungs, flinging him aside. Vader turned to the paralyzed conductor.

Commanding him, Vader spoke, threatening the same fate as his guard. "You will keep driving this train to Ponyville, no matter what. You shall serve me and nobody else, or you will feel the wrath of the Dark Side of The Force!" To make sure the pony got the message, Vader cut off his airway slightly, making the pony writhe in pain, gasping for breath. The pony, on the ground, desperate for air, silently agreed to Vader's demands. Vader let him go, making sure that the pony began to do as he was told. With that complete, Vader entered the train's corridors.

Inside the train cart were many sealed chests and boxes. Oh, there were guards as well, but they were mere insects to Vader and his immense power. With thoughts of his new "Master", his previous failings, and his hatred of the Jedi in his mind, Vader quenched his thirst for blood by obliterating his opposition. One guard came toward him, quickly spun around, and reared his legs to buck Vader. However, Vader grabbed the pony's hooves with his hands, proceeding to crush his legs with his power. Bones shattered into a million fragments. But Vader gave his opponent no time to scream. He leaped ahead, smashing the guard's head into the floor with his hands, smashing his skull, killing him instantly. Another guard, larger than the last two, carried a spear in his mouth. He stabbed at Vader, but Vader was much faster. The tip of the spear aimed at Vader's head. Vader ducked and sprinted forward, sliding under the guard. Then, pressing his hands to the guard's chest, Vader pushed forward with The Force, breaking the guard's ribs, destroying his internal organs, and sending him flying to the ceiling!

Vader stood up, exiting the first cart and entering the second. There were four carts in all. Once again, Vader was confronted with guards. This cart was larger than the last, and there were eight guards standing in his way. The first guard lunged at Vader with a sword. Vader dodged the pony and punched him in the jaw with a powerful left hook. The guard's jaw splintered from the blow, sending him flying out of the cart, where his head smashed against the canyon rocks. Vader grabbed the sword and began to attack the other guards. With swift movements, Vader parried, countered, and brutally slaughtered the next five guards, slicing their necks, severing limbs, and stabbing them repeatedly. His training in all of the forms of lightsaber combat had given him an unfair advantage, and Vader was loving every second of the carnage.

The last two ponies, a pegasus and a unicorn, stood side-by-side, blocking Vader's path. The pegasus flew toward Vader suddenly, anger in her eyes. She screamed loudly. "For Celesti-" before she could finish her heroic speech, Vader casually flicked his wrist, snapping the pegasus's neck, where her body proceeded to slide on the ground to Vader's feet. The unicorn watched, horrified. His eyes streamed with tears. His horn glowed with some sort of magical energy. Not wishing to deal with such pettiness, Vader simply flung the sword at the unicorn's throat. The sword, not to anybody's surprise, sliced into the unicorn's neck, immobilizing him. He gagged and sputtered as blood streamed out of his wound. Vader walked to the unicorn and forcefully pulled the sword out of the other's throat. Blood spattered in all directions as the unicorn writhed on the ground, chocking on his own blood.

The next cart was more of the same. Vader came across a cart full of boxed supplies and guards. Vader proceeded to gleefully and brutally end their miserable lives, moving on without remorse, with nary a second thought. The fourth cart, however, was a huge surprise. The cart was completely empty! There were no boxes. There were no containers. There was but one extremely slender, pure white mare guard in the center of the cart. She wore glistening golden armor, a fiery blue tail and mane flowing from her head and flank. She stood there, in the middle of the empty cart, motionless. Vader dared not make a move toward her, closing the door behind him with The Force. There was something different about this pony. That something made him hesitant to attack her, regardless of whether he lunched at her with his sword or used The Force.

Only two sounds were heard throughout the cart: Vader's heavy, metallic breathing and the movement of the train. Vader couldn't contain himself any monger. He had to complete his mission, especially if he wished to be finished before the train arrived in Ponyville. The mare suddenly spoke, her voice grand and powerful, never once turning around.

"You wish to come here, to thwart what has happened? To prevent what must happen?"

"I wish to complete my mission and return to where I once was. Nothing more." Vader retorted. He pointed his blood-stained sword at the mare triumphantly, making his point evidently clear. "However, that mission requires that I slay anything that stands in the way of my ultimate goal."

The mare simply cackled maniacally. The armor-clad warrior slowly turned around. Finally, Vader would be able to see the eyes of his opponent, to stare her right in the face, so that he could see the life draining from her eyes as he destroyed her. However, just as the guard's slender muzzle came into view, the cart was plunged into darkness. They had entered a tunnel. All Vader could now see were the mare's two shining eyes, glowing a bright, heavenly white. Her teeth, curled into a wide, malicious grin, sparkled as the mare cackled further.

"You have no idea what you are getting yourself into!" The mare shouted. "Surrender now! You mustn't interfere with the fire that shall soon rage over the land! You will be entering a conflict that cannot and will not be stopped! No matter what you do, everything will spiral out of your control and you will die! If you truly value your life, please, go back to the hole from whence you came!" Her glowing eyes began to pulsate, flashing a dark green. Purplish-black mist began to seep from the sides of her eyes, wisps flying in all directions. "You will be used! Deceived! I claim not to know all. I simply claim that my role in the coming cataclysms is merely one to serve the purpose that must be served! Please, intruder! Leave this place, lest you wish to be destroyed... Or worse."

Vader, despite his lack of vision, could still quite clearly see tears running down the warrior's face. Her pulsating eyes showed her thin frame. The green slowly overcame the white, flashing brighter and faster than ever before. Vader was not impressed with her display of emotion. "I care not of what happens to this world, warrior. I care only for my master and the Galactic Empire of which I serve. The Force that powers me shall destroy you, warrior make no mistake. You must die in the name of the Empire if I am to be returned to my proper place."

The warrior bowed her head. "I see. Let me ask you this, Dark One: Who is your current master? Who, at this moment, are you serving?"

"My master is known only as 'Master N', though I see no point in telling you any information of the sort."

The mare's eyes now were totally green, energy emanating from them like a fire. "Your Master... Your Master is a tricky one." She looked directly at Vader. "The crossfire that will soon commence shall be unlike anything you have ever experienced. Lines shall cross, and everything you've come to know will be changed forever. This conflict that you are now a part of... I cannot fathom what is about to happen. The prophecy shall come true. But I will not kill you, no matter how easily I could." She levitated into the air, the purple smoke swirling around her. "This world has already affected you, Dark One. Your so-called "Force powers" have been already changed, enhanced. Be wary, Dark One. More change is coming. A storm arises. I am leaving you, and I will not allow you the satisfaction of letting the residents of Ponyville see any of the damage you have caused! Valete, Fuscus. Fato viam vestram accendo."

With that, the warrior disappeared in a shroud of smoke, leaving nothing behind. Light suddenly flooded the cart. They had exited the tunnel. Vader looked down at his hand. The sword was gone! As Vader traveled through the rest of the train, back up to the engine, he saw no evidence of a struggle. There were no bodies, no blood. Even the splintered floors and ceilings were fixed as if nothing had happened! No matter. Ponyville was visible in the distance. The train was still moving.

At the engine, the conductor pony was still furiously shoveling coal into the furnace as if his life depended on it. "Conductor." Vader boomed. The conductor screamed and dropped his shovel, staring, frightened, at the sight of the Dark Lord. "You know anything of this Ponyville town we are headed to?"

"Oh, yes!" He said, nervous. "I come there often, seeing as I conduct this train. I know my way around the town extremely well, if that is what you're asking. I'm even part of a secre-" he stopped suddenly.

Vader grew impatient instantly. They were nearing Ponyville fast. "I need a way to slip into the town unnoticed. What secret are you a part of? Tell me." He barked.

"Oh, yes, sir! I am part of a secret club that is displeased with the current standings of the government. I've seen you. You could be a great asset! We have resources that could help you get back home! It's kinda difficult not to hear you talk, what with your weird, metallic voice booming all over the place. So I think you should not breathe so heavy and not talk. But, thankfully, it shouldn't be a problem sneaking you in. However, you'd have to be in at night, just in case. There was a murder last night, and the supplies for that are in those carts. I suggest you hide in the Everfree forest for the rest of the day, that forest over to your right. I'll need to be here as to not raise any suspicion. Just, uhm, please don't kill me." He pleaded.

Vader thought for a moment. He could use one such as this conductor... Yes. He seemed useful. "Fine. But I will not be one to take orders from the likes of your leaders. I also serve another Master. If it tells me to kill you, I will not hesitate to do so."

"Oh, I understand! I have a master, as well! You wouldn't notice, but under my hat is a horn. I'm a very gifted magic-user!"

Vader didn't care. But, Vader decided the conductor was useful, most definitely, and decided to wait in the Everfree forest, awaiting Master N's orders. Not wanting to forget this pony, this conductor, Vader studied him. Large blue eyes. Wispy, brown mane. Black coat. Easy. Weak. Manipulable. "I shall do as you say, for now." Vader said. "What is your name, conductor?"

The conductor, seeming more calm, but still intimidated, smiled widely. "You can call me Elio, "Dark One"!" He giggled, winking at Vader.


Little did Vader know that Elio the Conductor would soon become Elio the Conqueror, a revolution would soon arise, just as the warrior had said, and Vader, along with the other invaders of Equestria, would soon face challenges that will test each and every one of them in ways that will not only change them, but also the fate of the galaxy, forever...

Author's Note:

AN: This chapter was truly fun to write!

The events in this here chapter was based on this awesome song by one of my favorite bands, The Silent Comedy:

Seriously, they're epic. Better than Mumford and Sons IMO! Okay, fanboying over. Enjoy. Comments and criticism is greatly appreciated!