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It is the longest day of the year, and something has gone wrong. Canterlot is in ruins, Celestia is an out-of-control god flying west, and it's up to Twilight Sparkle and her friends to save Equestria. But with the Great and Powerful Trixie playing a reckless wild card, do the girls have what it takes to set things right?
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Hmm, let's see here: Prologue that grabs the reader's interest, setting up a serious situation without revealing too much about it. In-depth character analysis of Twilight and Trixie, getting at the little details that drive the characters. A smooth, easy-to-read writing style. Brilliant descriptions, especially when talking about a certain show-pony's magic show.
I really like what you've got up so far. Looking forward to the next chapter!
Surprised there haven't been more comments on this. It's exceptionally good.
I'm really enjoying how things are moving along and building on top of what's come before. I'm looking forward to how the relationships are going to be resolved, seeing as how some are on the brink of being severed forever.
Trixie really comes across as a tragic character in all of this. She definitely is one of these literary pieces that can go either protagonist or antagonist depending on the situation. And she really had a couple bad experiences that pushed her to go over the line. I'm hoping for a nice resolution for her arc.
Looking forward to more!
I'm surprised there aren't more comments either (I had a longer one, then it decided to get deleted). The characters are good, the way you're fleshing out the world is even better, and the description of Celestia's transformation into a freaking *sun* kinda gave me chills. Recommended it to all my friends. Hope you can continue it when you get the chance!
Your writing and storytelling are professional quality. I wish you'd finish this story.
I had to finish a few one-shot stories. I think I'll go back to finishing this one now.
I read this months ago, but didn't have to opportunity to comment and rate until now, this fic is written in an exceptional way, and i really enjoy reading it, the characters are well written and the story is sad in it's own way, i already read all your other stories, and i just hope the ending (if you finish it) is a little less sad than your other recent fic (the glass blower)
An interesting beginning, makes you wonder what happened and only gives you the slightest of hints.
Hopefully Celestia will recover. And it seems Trixie has something to do with all of this. My only question would be you didn´t specify the name of the town she "awed" with her magic (sounds similar to Ponyville).
This is a quite good chapter and also is well written so I am surprised it is not more popular and commented. Nevertheless you have my interest and support and hopefully you will eventually come back to finish this.
I wish you good luck.
Luis fading out
This is my favorite Cold in Gardez story, although all the others are a close second.
more! please more! so very awesome
I have to comment on your amazing grasp of descriptive text--you really are quite skilled at making me visualize what you've written. If it weren't one o'clock in the morning, I'd probably have more to say about that, but... well, it is. Too tired to form coherent sentences.
Only complaint is that Applejack's nickname/term of endearment for her friends isn't Sugar, it's Sugarcube.
I'll be reading it, it looks really good, but one thing irked me as soon as I looked at it's description: It says' Celestia is an out of control god'. Shouldn't it be 'goddess', since she is of the female persuasion?
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Personally, I would call the distinction a formality, at best. However, the terms have slightly different connotations; from what I understand, 'Goddess', being a feminine, tends to bring to mind strong feminine features, such as beauty, whereas 'god' tends to imply more masculine features, such as power. Celestia's physical form is a goddess; however, I would argue that, given her present condition (she's basically reverting to her original form: a star), goddess may be incorrect.
Aren't semantics fun?
Man, what happened to this?
It's in my queue to finish. Seriously. I have part of the next chapter written!
Other stories just seem to keep jumping in front of it as priorities.
Even after all this time, this is my favorite fic of yours. The dark, serious themes transposed with the cute humor of the show has been a huge inspiration for my current fic Daylight Burning, as has Friendlyuncle's "The Creature That Came to Ponyville," which you recommended. I would be ecstatic to see this finished, whenever you've time for it.
Wonderful!
Excellent story. Trixie makes a remarkably good villain. She's a sympathetic character... and oh so very weak.
When I read the fact that the torc was a power sink? I was halfway convinced that it would simply kill Trixie if she tried to put it on... which might have been more merciful, given the rising odds that her fate will be to be burned to death by an out of control sun goddess.
If I were Luna, I'd have been very greatly tempted to simply toss Trixie in front of Celestia during the daytime. Celestia could pick her torc off the little pile of ashes....
Sure, Trixie didn't know that the Torc was that important. Certainly she would never have taken it if she knew that doing so would result in the destruction of Canterlot... but after she found out the truth? That Celestia is literally burning the world down around her to find her? She goes to a major city after that? Seriously? Weak. She's apparently willing to risk the deaths of thousands just for the slight chance that she could save herself. And she has to know it's a small chance... she's not stupid. Even if a unicorn did manage to get the torc off of her, word would get out of what really happened, and she'd be hunted for the rest of her life.
If Trixie isn't killed by the end of this, it'll be a miracle.
Oh. Great story by the way. Your characters are very much IN character. Trixie makes one of the more interesting and engaging villains I've seen in a long time. Hard to hate someone that much unless they're very real to you. I loved Rainbow Dash's confrontation at the top of the world... very well told.
In fact, I have nothing to criticize about this story. You've maintained an even tone throughout the story, nothing has seemed jarring or out of place. Often, in such stories, there is a jarring "power creep" near the end, where the protagonists (and antagonists) suddenly start becoming more powerful very quickly. This is done in order to make the ending seem more epic, I'd assume, but it's usually poorly done. Not so here.
Twilight has been, as per usual for her, quite restrained in her own magic use, but I'm expecting her to pull out all the stops in an attempt to save the day at some point... and since you've been very consistent with the characterizations so far, I doubt I'll be disappointed, as part of Twilight's character is that when the chips are down, she rises to the occasion. Which is what makes her a hero... much like the others among the Mane 6, actually. They all have their flaws and weaknesses, but when it's needed, they step up.
So yeah, great story. I really hope you manage to write us an ending!
I don't comment, but I'll leave a sentence for you to know that more people care. It's beautiful. I love all the vivid, plastic depictions (I don't even know how to call it in English). I love them. They would make a great movie. Especially the scene with the stars. I love the characterisation. Darn, I love it all.
More. I beg you, continue it.
Next chapter is nearly complete, should go up within a week or so.
390601 Hell yes, Lordly has best timing ever
The thing I love most about this fic is you've managed to end every single chapter with a moment that made me REALLY want to read the next chapter.
Oh... you did not just...
You sir... are EVIL! *chuckles* Well done.
If you kill Twilight I swear...
Good Oh! Another chapter :) Hopefully there won't be as large a gap between updates as there was (Not that I've been bothered by it, having only found this fic a couple days ago) Good fic, entrhalling and really very kickass.
Torc absorbs magic...
Twilight's special ability is magic... not to mention, she's also the bearer of the Element of Magic...
I would be less than surprised if Twilight (temporarily) loses her cutie mark and/or is emaciated. That torc undoubtedly took a LOT out of her.
I'm so happy to see this back! And with the characters in such desperate straights.
It's been a while since reading this so some of the terminology that you used has slipped my mind, but the main plot is still fresh. Trixie is as desperately devious as ever, it appears. I wouldn't want to be in her hooves, though.
Luna is one scary mofo when mad. And it's so very tragic that she has to make a decision that costs ponies their lives.
Looking forward to the conclusion!
Oh hey there is this thing that updated wat.
Oh, Trixie. When you're at the bottom of the well and the water's starting to rise, the last thing you want to do is keep digging deeper.
WHOOO
Been hoping this one would continue!
So now, the torc has a limited (Although utterly massive, considering how long Celestia has had it) and it is getting close to full? Why am I thinking that if it overflows, whoever has it will be ubercharged? What would happen if Celestia was still wearing it when it overflew? Did she know about it? Also, did Trixie just change Twilight's appearance to look like herself? That devious little... Damned clever to say the least, also
Yay update! This was one of the first stories I read, and I've been waiting so long for an update, I had thought it was dead.
Um... I think Trixie just got herself in just a bit more trouble.
-Nothing would remain but the torc. And memories.
Celestia could have the former. Luna would keep the latter.-
Grand.
Beautiful story.
I was thinking if Trixie did either a mind switch spell or a spell to make twilight look like her for a while the first time I read I through, then I read the part with the bandaged hoof again and remembered than Trixie has no bandages.
After I read the part with the bandages I thought it was a temporary illusion to make Twilight appear as Trixie, just for Trixie to get far enough away not to get caught. Rather clever way of writing it though, I never expected that twist. And great job making Trixie as devious as possible, it really fits in well with her aspects in the story. Can't wait for more!
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I suspect that the torc absorbs and dispell magic. When Luna hit it, it absorbed a lot of magic from her and it filled the torc giving Trixie some magic back. However, I think that is temporary and the as the torc dispells the magic Trixie will find herself powerless again.
I agree with Luna, end Trixie, end the problems. nothing personal.
I think this is the first chapter Twilight actually uses magic other than levitation. For a while there, I was thinking you were writing Trixie as the far more competant magician. And considering what happened in this chapter, even with Trixie's disability... I'm still thinking that.
Regardless, I'm really enjoying this story and looking forward to more. I wish you the best of luck getting back into the swing of writing for this one, considering how long it was between the last two updates, lol.
No, this is not the final chapter.
Only Celestia would have saved Trixie at that point... only Celestia COULD save her.
I'm glad that Trixie finally redeemed herself, at least partially, in the end. I wonder what will happen to her, in the event that Luna manages to bring her back?
I wonder what the odds are Twilight gets invited on this rescue mission? Luna and Twilight definitely need to reconcile at some point!
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I see that happening in a more symbolic fashion, honestly. Barring any additional details, bringing Twilight along would only serve that one purpose and, in my opinion, that one purpose could be solved without involving the pony herself.
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You also have the guilt that Twilight would bear over helping kill/banish Trixie. It was certainly seemed to be a decision that weighed on her. She probably wouldn't mind some measure of redemption and resolution either. We also have the fact Twilight is nearly as central of character to this story as Luna or Trixie(I read read the story after the long hiatus and forgot how much was from Twilight's perspective). This make me lean towards her going with Luna.
Tbh I would have preferred if Trixie died, that would at least impart SOME self sacrifice on her character. (Remember, she went to Celestia to try to find a way to live, not to do the right thing). In the end, Trixie never redeemed herself, not in my eyes; the moment she stole the torc, she set herself on a road of self serving greed. And then, when she learned what had happened to Celestia, she hid like a coward and tried to weasel her way out of the inevitable consequences, even though so much damage could, would be done to serve her pride. She put herself before anypony else, all the way until the very end, constantly blaming the world for her own mistakes.
She does not deserve to be rescued by anypony, certainly not Luna, the one pony who trusted her implicitly. Whom she betrayed to the nth degree.
Not bad for an ending either, anything else is just perfect, congratulations
Oh, excellent.This is too good a thing to end here.
Not the final chapter? I for one think this would've been a perfect ending point. All throughout that last conversation, my head was screaming "perfect set-up for a sequel!" But hey, your story, and an amazing one at that!
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She could have just left the world to go up in flames, since she could have died without Celestia getting the Torc and with Luna out of the equation that would have been the end of Equestria. It might have been her only chance at survival, but it was also a high probability of an immediate, and extremely painful death. It would have been easy to just give up after basically losing the use of one leg. It was something of a sacrifice, something of a comprise that she stuck with her ultimate goal in the end even in the face of nearly certain death whereas she could have deluded herself easily (given what little she seems to know about the whole thing) into thinking that it would be okay if more ponies died so as long as she didn't.
Technically, she tried to get Luna's help, but Luna was going to kill her. It would be extremely rare for somepony to stand there and let a half-crazed goddess-princess-pony murder them more or less. In a sense, I think in the context of the story, this might be yet another case where Luna failed to be what she wanted to be. She was willing to be friends with Trixie, but only on her own terms. I would argue that Luna's trust was naivete not complete trust. She also made some assumptions about Trixie that knowing her better would proven poor assumptions. That friendship was limited, whereas it is generally implied canonically that Twilight and her friends are willing to go much farther.
Trixie dying would certainly have been an acceptable ending, it's true. Still, I am anticipating more good writing.
I was never sure how you were going to end this. Would Trixie die or would she find some way to get the torch off and then escape? The answer seems to be somewhere in between.
Well, I'm looking forward to how the Trixie search goes next time!
It seems you're setting up for a sequel, but if this isn't the last chapter, then the next is either an epilogue, or this plot element is going to continue within this story without bothering with a sequel. Which would be odd, considering the driving elements of this story have been resolved and it feels complete.
If it's an epilogue, I hope it has more Twilight Sparkle in it. I was disappointed for the two or three seconds between finishing the chapter and reading your comment, because this seemed like the final chapter and there wasn't any closure on how Twilight and Applejack were doing after all was said and done, lol. And I hope at least Twilight joins Luna for this rescue... I can't imagine she feels very good about thinking she caused Trixie's death. And there'd be some drama, too, once she realized that Trixie wasn't even trying to hurt Celestia and that her trying to stop Trixie like she did just made things worse. And the already-present drama of Luna feeling like she'd betrayed her back in Las Pegasus.
And I was expecting some trepidation from Equestria in general after the display of what their Sun Princess was truly capable of. Even though she's not really capable of that, unless she takes off her torc and lets herself 'go crazy', but the average citizen probably isn't going to be aware of that. I'm so glad this isn't the last chapter and there's still time for this stuff. :D
I'm hoping Celestia keeps her torc in a much safer place at night now, lol.
[Edit] Also! What's coming next? The sequel to this story (if that IS where that was going), or the sequel to the Wind Thief? Or something new? Or you haven't decided yet? :P
Ohhhhhh It's not over yet! GLeeeeeeee