• Published 8th Feb 2012
  • 1,217 Views, 14 Comments

Overdose - Rysonn



My first attempt at an actual shipping. Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash. Twilight makes an appearance.

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Chapter 1

Pinkie lie on the Sugar Cube Corner sobbing her life away into the cold, rich carpet. She quivered violently, as sweat adorned her body, and small spots began to impair her vision. She lay whimpering to the empty syringes that stippled the floor all around her.

She almost regretted her decision. Then she looked back on it all. It was a blur, a paralyzing and painful onslaught of memories. She prayed that it would end.

A small smile, a bright trembling grin formed on her face as she watched the peace of mind fade slowly away. With an unstable hoof, she traced half of a heart in the carpet beneath her as the memories began to consume the remainder of her vision.

“Soon...S-soon, P-Pinkie...”

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Rainbow Dash blushed heavily as she stared ahead at her friend. She gasped slightly, wings beginning to unfurl slowly with her gaze.

“P-Pinkie Pie! What are you doing!?

“Teach me how to kiss, Dashie…”

“W-why-”

Pinkie Pie shoved Rainbow Dash into the bed of pink and laid down beside her, nuzzling into her coat and brushing her mane with her hoof. She rested her head on the Pegasus’s chest and brightly up at her.

Rainbow Dash peered intently into Pinkie’s sleek smile, caught in the depths of her gaze. She saw through this mirage. She’d known Pinkie Pie too long to not see the faults in her desperate facades. Though there was one thing time hadn’t taught her. How to say no.

She began to mutter under her breath

“Manipulative little-”

She brought their lips together, teaching her, exploring her. She knew it wouldn’t last, it couldn’t possibly, but she enjoyed it nonetheless. Besides, Pinkie wouldn’t mind if she drug it out a little.

Rainbow Dash broke apart from Pinkie, displaying awkward and nervous smile. Pinkie just shot her a venomous smile as she stood to leave.

“Thanks, Dashie!” She teased, stepping slowly out of the room.

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She dropped her gaze down to the floor, tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. She gently stroked Rainbow's hoof hoof with a brush of her own, smiling nervously downward.

She felt suddenly claustrophobic as she squirmed beneath the weight of the Pegasai's gaze. All she wanted to do was be alone to cry with her inner self. However, she knew it was all but a fantasy, and she would never be granted such a wish.

“I’m so sorry, Pinkie...”

Rainbow pressed forward into her friend’s body, nuzzling her coat, and doing all she could to hold her steadily. Yet the tears demand she fall.

Pinkie dropped to the floor beneath her, now sobbing openly. Her teardrops didn't cascade as they usually did, they just crept down her cheeks as she lay, falling gracefully rather than recklessly. Her mane had dampened into a loose frill, and it dulled without its trademark vibrancy.

“T-this won’t last, will it, Dashie? Everypony gets sad sometimes, right? P-please tell me this feeling will go away...”

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Pinkie Pie lain on her bed, staring up at the wall as it ran in circles above her, managing somehow without moving. Sweat trickled gently down her forehead, and her hooves shook uncontrollably before her.

Rainbow Dash walked into the room slowly, studying her, surveying all that sat around her.

A bright, carefree smile lit Pinkie Pie’s face and seemed to illuminate the room all around her. Rainbow Dash ignored it.

She walked steadily over to the bed and laid down opposite Pinkie, staring onward far beyond her simple gaze into another place. She saw something there. She saw too much. She stared forward through the pink mare’s eyes, a dark, suffocating glare of raw truth. It scared Pinkie Pie. Though she didn’t show it, it scared Rainbow Dash as well.

Silence. Seconds passed, fallowed by minutes. Silence. The paranoia bored into Pinkie’s skull until she could no longer bear it.

“What?!” she screamed at her friend, tears beginning to form in her eyes. The small droplets betrayed her afflictions. Her addiction.

“You think I don’t know what runs through your blood,” She stated dryly, somehow maintaining a perfectly calm tone of voice. “You think I can’t see the needles in my sleep. You were wrong, Pinks. Where has it left you?”

Pinkie Pie dropped her gaze to her pillow, the floodgate finally showing its cracks, and struggling with the pressure pushing against it. She trembled with the weight of Rainbow Dash’s gaze on her shoulders.

“I’m sorry, Dashie… I didn’t me-”

“You’re far from sorry, my dear. You did mean to. You brought this onto yourself. If you don’t find an end to this, it may be all over for you.”

Pinkie Pie lost her grip on it all, and finally began to pour her tears into the pillow beneath her. It was too late to hide herself. She couldn’t remember where any of it had all begun. It sickened her.

“Don’t get lost, Pinkie. Never get lost.”

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“S-soon…”

Another hoof completed the heart shape in the carpet.

“I told you not to get lost, Pinkie Pie…. You didn’t listen, now did you?”

Pinkie Again let the flood of tears break forth as the burning regret consumed the last of the true heart she had left. She stared blankly ahead, fighting, straining to maintain the false smile that adorned her expression. It fell however, just as everything she’s ever held onto in her life.

“…I’m sorry, Dashie… I am…”

“…I only wish I could believe that.”

Pinkie dived onto Rainbow Dash. She wanted somepony to reassure her again. It had been too long.

“Hold me, Dashie… I keep laughing, but it doesn’t help like it used to… just hold me for a bit, okay?”

Pinkie’s vision began to be overcome with a veil of white blindness. Her body went numb and she no longer felt her friend’s grasp, no longer felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, but they were there. They wouldn’t leave her.

“…I love you, Dashie…”

“…I know…”

Comments ( 14 )

I'm so confused. It's like it has no sense of direction. Good writing, your prose is well-formed. However... Let's just point out the elephant, here. It's like a blind dog, wandering aimlessly until it reaches the final destination and lays down to rest the sleep eternal. I'd continue the story, and give it a sense of purpose. I was enthralled, but left wanting.

~E.C.

199799 FINALLY! You have to be the first person in months to actually give me solid FEEDBACK. And, i will say i can understand where you get this from. I'm supposed to be telling the story by delving into the thoughts running through Pinkie's head, but, obviously i did a pitiful job. Thank you!

It made sense, but it's lacking a bit in... completeness? It's like you jump too quickly through too few scenes in Pinkie's memory. Kissing Dash to Kissing Twilight to Talking to Dash in a bedroom... they're all kinda connected, but too loosely. You either need a couple more flashbacks, or maybe cuts between each to Pinkie's shattered thoughts as she lies (lie or lay, by the way. Not ly) on the floor thinking about everything she wanted, everything she did, and how it all went wrong.

You have a really powerful premise, and a pretty good execution. It's just a little too thin.

208480 Thanks for the feedback! (btw, ly is how i spell it, just as colour, honour, practise, etc. It's more classic and didn't need to be changed to lie) Well, i never really thought of it like that. Maybe if i do another story like this, i'll include more.

Thank you again, very helpful!

209220 Except that colour, honour and practise are all actually words. They are legitimate ways to spell those words. Ly, by contrast, is not a word. It has always been lay or lie. Ly is merely a suffix for English words. Apart from that, basically what the other two said. It's a solid idea and the execution isn't too bad, but it could certainly benefit from more volume to properly portray what's going on. You may also want to consider reading it through a couple times before posting to fix minor spelling/grammar issues.

321622 Nice catch. I thought perhaps all of you would let that one slip.

ok, first of all, this somehow seems a bit out of place
1st its Pinkie all sad, and I get that, when it shifts from Dash to Twi, I don't even understand why that is necessary.
And if it weren't for the italicizing, I doubt I could tell what was the past and what was the present
and at the end, it seems the last part that is, maybe, set in the past, it kinda merges with the present, which really doesn't seem practical
the reason for a part of writing to be set in the past is either directly related to the plot or it's a flashback, neither of those fit this story

...
Okay.
I feel slightly... crazy, now. God damn, I feel really, really weird. I don't think it's the heat, it doesn't normally make me feel like this.
You've managed to bewilder me. Completely and utterly, because I'm not even sure what's going on anymore.
Without the addition of the side effects, the story seems pretty good, but I think that it should of been Twilight with Pinkie in the last scene. Rainbow Dash isn't the kind to hold a calm demeanour, she's more of an extremist - exited, angry, energetic. Of course, she can relax, but she'd be more likely to attack the situation with an emotion, instead of being calm and stable.
Twilight, on the other hand, is knowledgeable, wise, and is the kind to do everything with careful consideration. She would of decided that whatever emotion she came in with would hurt Pinkie, and would therefore come in with none at all, instead acting like a parent who's advice was ignored, and pointing out where it all went wrong, bluntly as possible, all the while subliminally assuring Pinkie that all would be okay.
Just like dash did.
Other than that, it's a beautifully written piece. It's touching ,and though an explanation could be in order, it's probably better to leave us readers wondering - with all this information, we've probably made false connections, and with the styling of the piece, it seems as though those connections shouldn't be corrected. A few errors with grammar, and a few with context, but I'll leave that to my next comment.

'Pinkie lie on the Sugar Cube Corner sobbing her life away into the cold, rich carpet.'
-'Pinkie Lay on the floor of Sugar Cube Courner...'

'She began to mutter under her breath'
-This needs a punctuated ending.

'Rainbow Dash broke apart from Pinkie, displaying awkward and nervous smile.'
-'...Displaying an awkward and nervous smile.'

'Pinkie just shot her a venomous smile as she stood to leave.'
-You should try using a symonym for 'smile' in either this scentence, or the one before.

Again, you've done brilliantly in this area too. Grammar really ticks me off, sometimes, and it can make a story unreadable. Thankfully, your mistakes are few, far apart, and small enough for me to only jump a little bit when reading over them, telling me that they're there, but not actually distracting me, or making it hard to understand.

1151774 I do and must say thankee sai for the complements and criticisms. And as for it being Twilight in the last scene, it can't be, not for the road ahead. You'll understand later i'm sure, at least for the most part.

1151876 Okay, It's good to know it has a reason. It seemed a smidge out of character (as the super-long comment suggests), is all. :twilightsmile:

1669686 Glad you're happy about that!

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