• Member Since 4th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen May 4th, 2012

Sylent-Rayne


T

Caramel is more excited than anypony in Equestria! For the first time in his life, he is allowed to help during the winter wrap-up festivities. Nothing could make him happier. But when Caramel begins to spend time with Big Macintosh, his whole world is turned upside-down.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 15 )

I like it, and your writing seems good.
Though for a first chapter, why so few words??:rainbowwild:

Please continue, this is one of my favorite pairings

You need to make it longer, I don't have any problems with Grammar or Spelling just yet but it's just the length of the chapters I'm really concerned about.

I love it!:yay:
Definitely worth continuing

@ quillsaga
I just wrote this little bit to see what people would think. :scootangel:
I'm glad that so many people like it! ^-^

214151

I am going to come your house and murder you in your sleep. :ajbemused:























If you don't continue this story :pinkiehappy:

>> Fluttering Shy
Please don't murder me.... :fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA MAKE THESE CHAPTERS LONGER! :derpyderp2: OK OK let me give you a fair review. First of all, this chapter is a huge wall of dialogue. One way of making chapters longer is to add more descriptions instead of focusing on dialogue so much.
I cannot stress this enough: You need to show the readers WAY more than you do. Also, try adding some of caramel's thoughts. overall your characters are a bit emotionless right now. You need to bring them alive! Give them thoughts and feelings. You're in the early stage of your story so I do believe that you can improve if you try hard enough.

Vozzle's eyes are upon you!

Oki doki! :scootangel: I will try my best!
Sorry about the length... :facehoof: I haven't been trying too hard to make it seem "amazing"
BUT! Now that I know people are watching :rainbowderp: I will make the chapters longer!

322219 Sorry. >< I've been having family troubles. >< and school is really taking my time. /)(\ I will try to update soon! :derpytongue2:

I like the setup so far...I'm interested to see where it goes :moustache:

You mentioned trying to make it all seem "amazing". You really shouldn't think of your story like that. I don't mean to be insulting or anything, but I will say the way I go about writing is more or less trying to capture a certain mood or illustrate a principle/character/setting. You could do that with more descriptions OR by having your dialogue expose the characters enough that the mood is established. It depends on how extroverted/introverted you want your characters to be.

I'm in a learning curve myself, and I've done that before, too. It's cloying trying to impress everyone, so impress yourself before anyone else.

Also, thank you very much for the favorite :yay: It made my day a little brighter.

ultimately, it's up to you as for whether you continue or not. But, if my word is any good here, I don't like when people ask for approval from others for stories; it just doesn't sit with me very well. Stories, and therefore art by a broader perspective, should be about what the author/artist makes of it despite of public opinion. If you think it's worth doing, do it. :eeyup::eeyup::eeyup::eeyup::eeyup:

Well since anybody else havent ask yet
U alive? Because I like where this is going

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