Caramel is more excited than anypony in Equestria! For the first time in his life, he is allowed to help during the winter wrap-up festivities. Nothing could make him happier. But when Caramel begins to spend time with Big Macintosh, his whole world is turned upside-down.
I like it, and your writing seems good.
Though for a first chapter, why so few words??
Please continue, this is one of my favorite pairings
You need to make it longer, I don't have any problems with Grammar or Spelling just yet but it's just the length of the chapters I'm really concerned about.
I love it!
Definitely worth continuing
@ quillsaga
I just wrote this little bit to see what people would think.
I'm glad that so many people like it! ^-^
214151
I am going to come your house and murder you in your sleep.
If you don't continue this story
>> Fluttering Shy
Please don't murder me....
FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA MAKE THESE CHAPTERS LONGER! OK OK let me give you a fair review. First of all, this chapter is a huge wall of dialogue. One way of making chapters longer is to add more descriptions instead of focusing on dialogue so much.
I cannot stress this enough: You need to show the readers WAY more than you do. Also, try adding some of caramel's thoughts. overall your characters are a bit emotionless right now. You need to bring them alive! Give them thoughts and feelings. You're in the early stage of your story so I do believe that you can improve if you try hard enough.
Vozzle's eyes are upon you!
Oki doki! I will try my best!
Sorry about the length... I haven't been trying too hard to make it seem "amazing"
BUT! Now that I know people are watching I will make the chapters longer!
update? o:
322219 Sorry. >< I've been having family troubles. >< and school is really taking my time. /)(\ I will try to update soon!
I like the setup so far...I'm interested to see where it goes
You mentioned trying to make it all seem "amazing". You really shouldn't think of your story like that. I don't mean to be insulting or anything, but I will say the way I go about writing is more or less trying to capture a certain mood or illustrate a principle/character/setting. You could do that with more descriptions OR by having your dialogue expose the characters enough that the mood is established. It depends on how extroverted/introverted you want your characters to be.
I'm in a learning curve myself, and I've done that before, too. It's cloying trying to impress everyone, so impress yourself before anyone else.
Also, thank you very much for the favorite It made my day a little brighter.
ultimately, it's up to you as for whether you continue or not. But, if my word is any good here, I don't like when people ask for approval from others for stories; it just doesn't sit with me very well. Stories, and therefore art by a broader perspective, should be about what the author/artist makes of it despite of public opinion. If you think it's worth doing, do it.
Well since anybody else havent ask yet
U alive? Because I like where this is going