1. Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
  2. offline for 1h, 10m

"Blessed are the storytellers, for to them God gave the gift of eloquence, that their words may go forth to the four corners of the earth."

Total Words: 292,934
Estimated Reading: 19 hours, 31 minutes

Blog Posts168

  • 1w, 5d
    Failed Fics #8: 'Twilight Sparkle's Confusing Crack-Ship Contraption'

    Hello and welcome to the next installment of 'Failed Fics,' a look into the numerous fanfics I've started but ultimately had to kill. Their stories vary, but the themes are the same; they just didn't belong in this world.

    This time around, our story is a bit weird. Not just the titular fic itself, mind you, but the circumstances surrounding said story's genesis.

    I'll be blunt; I have no earthly recollection of the planning of this story. None. The nearest I can figure is that when I ran my little Valentine's Day contest a couple years back, I thought it might be fun to pair up a few characters and do something random and funny. Evidently I started an outline, saved it, and then promptly forgot all about it when that computer up and fried.

    In the midst of browsing my old hard-drives, I found the original file and found it so wonderfully odd that I had to share it with you all.

    Please enjoy my original outline for 'Twilight Sparkle's Confusing Crack-Ship Contraption.' Goodness knows I did.


    The story is framed by a sequence where Twilight and Cadance get drunk and argue about the nature of Cadance's job. Cadance argues that Twilight has no idea how hard it is to perfectly match two ponies together. Twilight argues that, in the right set of circumstances, any two ponies can fall in love. To prove it, she draws up plans for a machine that will allow her and Cadance to see into pocket realities to test her theory. The machine is hastily constructed and activated. Just as the machine turns on, Twilight carelessly sets the couple selector to RANDOM.

    All chapters are 500-1000 words long. Content ranges from saucy content to outright comedy.

    Shining Armor/Minuette

    "My Best Friend’s Brother"

    -At a sleepover, Minuette tries to seduce Twilight's older brother.

    Doctor Hooves/Smarty Pants

    "Toy Story"

    -Whooves is confused as to why Derpy was fighting so desperately for an old stuffed doll. In the name of science, he implants the dolls with an artificial intelligence. The results are... stimulating.


    "Hard Love"

    -A drunken Flam is seduced by a boulder.


    "I Need An Adult"

    -Featherweight interrupts Flam while he is humping a random boulder. Flam thinks Featherweight is a thin young mare. Featherweight needs to run now.

    Lightning Dust/Minuette

    "Second Fiddles"

    -Lightning Dust and Minuette meet up and hit it off at a group therapy session for secondary characters.


    "Confused in Love"

    -Derpy finds Pipsqueak's Hearts and Hooves Day for Dinky and mistakenly thinks it's actually for her.

    Shining Armor/Berry Punch

    "Party Foul"

    -At a college party, a heavily inebriated Shining Armor and Berry Punch stumble into an empty room. A philosophical discussion ensues.

    Nightmare Moon/Apple Rose

    "I Will Always Love You"

    -Apple Rose is visited in a dream by the one mare she ever truly loved; the Mare in the Moon.


    "Garden Pests"

    -Snails is crushing hard on Applejack. Will the older mare be swayed by his charms?

    Celestia/Smarty Pants

    "The Reason is You"

    -Celestia cuddles with Twilight's favorite doll and thinks back on the mare who inspired the toy.

    Mulia Mild/Cranky

    "Can’t Have Just One"

    -A very married Cranky is seduced by a very persistent Mulia Mild.

    Donut Joe/Filthy Rich

    "Making a Deal"

    -Donut Joe wants to start selling his pastries in Ponyville. Filthy Rich is confident they can come to a mutually beneficial arrangement.

    Zecora/Note Worthy

    "You Fixed Me"

    -After a run in with Poison Joke, Note Worthy seeks to repay the zebra mare who aided him.

    Apple Rose/Mayor Mare

    "Nothing Like the Real Thing"

    -Ponies have always wondered why Mayor Mare pretends to be older than she really is. Could it be so that her marefriend feels less self-conscious.

    Nightmare Moon/Celestia

    "That Mysterious Mare in Black"

    -Celestia meets a mysterious mare at a masquerade ball.

    Featherweight/Mulia Mild

    "I Need An Adult 2: Electric Boogaloo"

    -Finally free from a pursuing Flam, Featherweight finds himself accosted by a recent rejected Mulia Mild.

    Discord/Madame Le Flour

    "Love Rises"

    -Discord waxes poetic about his one true love.

    Hayseed Turniptruck/Celestia

    "That Rustic Charm"

    -Celestia finds herself quite taken with the castle's new handy-pony.

    Applejack/Mr. Greenhooves

    "Ain’t Nothin’ But a Number"

    -After a chance encounter at the Grand Galloping Gala, Applejack decides to get to know the groundskeeper a bit better.

    Pipsqueak/Twilight Sparkle

    "My New Favorite Princess"

    -Pipsqueak's got a crush on Princess Twilight. Princess Twilight has never had a male interested in her before. This could get weird.

    Nightmare Moon/Carrot Cake


    -Carrot Cake lusts for the shadowy mare who haunts his dreams.

    Little Strongheart/Zecora

    "We Found Each Other"

    -While wandering the deserts, Zecora encounters the princess of the buffalo.

    Fancy Pants/Hayseed Turniptruck

    "That Rustic Charm Still Works"

    -Coasting on his status as Canterlot's newest lothario, Hayseed finds his greatest challenge yet.

    Doctor Whooves/Silver Spoon

    "Give It Time"

    -Silver Spoon is crushing hard on the mailmare's stallion. She says she's too young for him. And then Dinky tells her that the good Doctor has a time machine.

    Filthy Rich/Nightmare Moon

    "Power Play"

    -Filthy Rich is confident he can secure a comfortable place in the new kingdom of Nightmare Moon.


    "Any Port in a Storm"

    -Braeburn is stranded in the Dragon Lands and desperate for some... tender loving care. Will he find what he seeks in a rather bizarre dragon?

    Steven Magnet/Matilda

    "My Best Friend’s Wife"

    -Steven Magnet tries to figure out how to reveal to Cranky that he's been seeing his wife for years.

    Sheriff Silverstar/Rainbow Dash

    "The Good, the Bad, and the Lovely"

    -In the midst of a party in Appleoosa, the Sheriff puts the moves on a certain Element of Loyalty.

    Soarin/Queen Chrysalis

    "Let’s Try This Again"

    -Chrysalis decides she was aiming too high and sets out to seduce and control a Wonderbolt.


    "That Wall Eyed Mare of Mine"

    -Soarin reflects on the day her met Derpy as he prepares to propose.

    Berry Punch/Smarty Pants

    "Only You Understand Me"

    -Berry pour her heart out to the only one who listens.

    Sweetie Belle/Sir Lintsalot

    "The Perfect Male Must be Made, Not Found"

    -Jealous that her friends have found special someponies, Sweetie Belle sets out to make her own.

    King Sombra/Spike

    "To the Victor"

    -Spike is visited by the spirit of Sombra who wishes to meet the warrior who defeated him.

    Iron Will/Nightmare Moon

    "Beauty and the Beast"

    -In her conquest of Equestria, Nightmare Moon finds her greatest challenge in... a self-help guru.

    Berry Punch/Mr. Turnip

    "Delicious and Desperate"

    -After her date stands her up, Berry Punch starts eyeing her kitchen for other ways to spend her evening.

    Daring Do/Dr. Whooves

    "A Moment of Pause in the Peril"

    -Held captive by hostile natives, Daring and the Doctor make some confessions before their inevitable demise.

    Twilight Sparkle/Garble

    "A Thing for Dragons"

    -No one is more surprised than Garble when Twilight Sparkle shows up with a bouquet of roses.

    Berry Punch/Lightning Dust


    -Lightning Dust heads for a bar to drown her sorrows and hits it off with a mare she meets there.

    The machine overloads and explodes. Twilight assures Cadance that there were no adverse side effects to the other mare's immense relief. The two bid the other goodbye and hurry to find their significant others. Twilight finds Snips waiting with their dinner already prepared. And Cadance? Returns to rule the Crystal Empire with her beloved Crackle by her side.

    Meanwhile, Fluttershy wakes up from a terrible nightmare that everpony's love lives were all messed up. Her beloved Macintosh calms her down... with some help from Mac's two other wives; Pinkie Pie and Cheerilee.


    That's certainly something, isn't it?

    The funny thing is, I could actually see some of those as one shots...

    Ah well, what might have been.

    2 comments · 37 views
  • 2w, 1h
    Updates for March 2017

    -First off, a hearty congratulations to KingMoriarty for getting into the Royal Canterlot Library! I intend to join you and Grand_Moff_Pony in there one day, my friend.

    -'From the Archives of Truth' has been something that's been on the back-burner for a couple years now. When Celestia mentioned the Doom that Came to Tambelon in the latest chapter of 'On Swift Wings,' I decided that now was the time to throw it out there. The story is meant to be a bit of a bonus for those of you who follow the Continuity. Is there some bit of history you'd like to hear more about? Let me know.

    -Scribbler Productions just released a pretty stellar dramatic reading of 'A Girl Walks Home Alone at Midnight.' Give it a listen;

    -I do not intend for there to be months between chapters of 'On Swift Wings.' A number of factors have contributed to numerous delays. Your continued patience is, as always, appreciated.

    -Finally, a small recommendation; 'The Serpent and the Apple' by MrNumbers. This is just a great story that absolutely broke my heart. If you want something sad with a little hint of hope, give this a read. Might just scratch that itch.

    1 comments · 32 views
  • 5w, 6d
    Hard At Work: An Interlude

    3 comments · 57 views
  • 7w, 6d
    Sorry for the delay...

    Man, not much of a Farewell Tour when I can't get stuff up in a timely enough manner.

    Expect the next chapter of 'Wings' in the next... 36 hours or so. It's a big wrestling weekend, so that's taking some of my time. (Samoa Joe for the Rumble, baby.)

    Quick question in the meantime; would anyone care to read the notes on 'the Changelings Have a King?' I've been adding stuff here and there and I only want to post them if folks genuinely want to read them.

    5 comments · 63 views
  • 10w, 1d
    Jade Ring Reads; 'You'll Be Back'

    I'm having way too much fun doing this.

    0 comments · 73 views
Viewing 21 - 30 of 45 stories
  • ...

Neigh Orleans. The Jewel of the Delta. The Crescent City.

Over the years, this city of music, food, and mysteries has taken the souls of many a poor pony. The siren call is hard to resist, particularly for those who have never given in to their baser natures before.

Mr. Carrot Cake may be the next to lose his soul in the search for some good times.

First Published
1st Oct 2014
Last Modified
1st Oct 2014
  • ...

Since her defeat on the day of the Royal Wedding, Queen Chrysalis has plotted and planned her revenge. Using ancient Changeling magic and a very valuable captive, she creates the ultimate weapon; a life-form capable of granting her unbelievable power and allowing her species to continue.

Equestria must prepare, for now the Changelings have a king.

The first in a trilogy that will conclude the continuity of stories that began with 'Dear Sweetie Belle.'

Special thanks to Swirling Line, for her always outstanding cover art.

First Published
21st Sep 2014
Last Modified
5th Oct 2016
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Paternally Yours

Sweetie Belle volunteers to foal-sit Diminuendo, her little half-brother, but Dimmy starts being distant towards his older sister almost immediately. Can Sweetie Belle break down the walls he puts up, or is her relationship with her little brother over before it can begin?

And why is Dimmy acting so distant anyway?

Cover art by the wonderful Kaitlyn Warner.

First Published
23rd May 2014
Last Modified
23rd May 2014
  • ...

This story is a sequel to The Sin of Envy, or a Mother's Love

It is said that when a great sin is committed, the Devil comes calling. This time, the Devil has been drawn to Equestria and he calls himself Belial. The pure souls of the Equestrians are what he desires... but he is nothing if not a good sport.

He will give their heroes a chance to save them.

He offers the Mane 6 the chance to play a game. Each will be tested with a vision of the future. Some visions are truth. Some visions are lies.

If all see true, then Equestria is spared.

If even one fails... then all belongs to the King of Lies.

Cover art by the incomparable Swirling Line.

First Published
11th Apr 2014
Last Modified
11th Apr 2014
  • ...

A pair of romantic vignettes about blossoming love, too short for publishing on their own but surprisingly sweet when put together.

In 'Just a Glimpse,' Flash Sentry will endure almost anything to see the princess he pines for, even if it's just the slightest glimpse.

In 'Suddenly, Spikey,' Spike tries to console Rarity after she gets stood up...again. Will his words finally make her see the light?

First Published
29th Jan 2014
Last Modified
29th Jan 2014
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Morning Glory

Several sweet and romantic drabbles set on one snowy Hearth's Warming Eve in Ponyville.

-'I've Got My Love to Keep Me Warm,' in which Macintosh and Fluttershy spend their first Hearth's Warming as husband and wife stretched out by the fire. There seems to be something on Fluttershy's mind.

-'Baby, It's Cold Outside,' in which Applejack and Rainbow Dash find themselves snowed in at Fluttershy's old cottage with nothing but each other and a mysterious bottle for company.

-'Santa Baby,' in which Spike seeks to prove to Rarity that Santa Hooves is real... no matter what it takes.

-'I Believe in Santa Hooves,' in which one little filly gets a visit from the pony she misses the most.

Short and sweet, these tales are my gift to all who read my stories.

First Published
19th Dec 2013
Last Modified
26th Dec 2013
  • ...

It's traditional to trade gifts with those you love on Hearth's Warming.

Spike wants to prove just how much he loves Rarity.

What follows is a twelve night spiral into madness and Hearth's Warming joy!

Cover Art by the always fantastic Swirling Line.

First Published
11th Dec 2013
Last Modified
11th Dec 2013
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Slender

Equestria is ruined. The Slender One's reach cannot be escaped and now the populations of entire cities have disappeared, vanished without a trace.

Even the princesses have left the ponies to their fate.

Big Macintosh returns to Ponyville with a team of like-minded ponies and one goal in his mind; to stop the evil once and for all.

Cover art by Swirling Line, of course.

First Published
31st Oct 2013
Last Modified
6th Dec 2013
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Dear Scootaloo

The Cutie Mark Crusaders are growing up. Their days are spent dealing with the usual gamut of problems facing fillies on the cusp of marehood; school, boys, nightmares...

Oh, yes. They've been having the most dreadful nightmares. Nightmares about an old stallion everyone thought was dead. It seems this ghost from their collective past has found a way back and has one thing on his mind; revenge.

Only with the help of a certain Princess of the Night can the three friends become what they need to be to destroy the evil that's haunted them once and for all; CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DREAM WARRIORS!

A Halloween Epilogue to the 'Dear CMC' Trilogy ('Dear Sweetie Belle', 'Dear Applebloom', 'Dear Scootaloo')

Inspired by the slasher classic 'A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors.'

Cover art by the incomparable Swirling Line

First Published
23rd Oct 2013
Last Modified
23rd Oct 2013
  • ...

This story is a sequel to Phases of the Moon

No sin can remain buried forever.

Shining Armor believes that his troubles are over; his beloved Cadance is soon to give birth to their first foal and his affair with Princess Luna has cooled off considerably as her own pregnancy enters it's last stages.

Princess Luna is at the end of her rope; Shining Armor still has no idea that he is the father of the foal growing inside her and his clumsy gallantry is making her genuinely fall in love with him.

One elated, the other tormented, the pair of sinners will soon be faced with one of the unquestioned absolutes of the universe...

...what's done in the dark will be brought to the light.

Cover Art by the tremendous Swirling Line.

First Published
26th Aug 2013
Last Modified
22nd Jan 2014