Well, it's over. She passed last night. I have nothing much to lose anymore soooo, I guess I'll spend the rest of my time writing.

Held her hand while she coughed. I meant to kiss her, but it seemed cruel to kiss with such little window for reprieve. It seems the further I write the more I feel I have to be honest and the less the words come.

Just lost a whole chapter to Fimfiction so... no more chapter for awhile. I guess I'll go see Linda.

Man, just got back from the grocery store. I had to get it today since it's my day off. Picked up the best things too! Apples, bananas, oranges, peaches, plums, pears, watermelons, cherries... I think I spent more money than I should have, but screw it right? It's all shit that Linda likes so I don't care. Smoothies!

I don't know why I keep writing it, most people hate my writing. The ones who are supposed to love it are dead. I think... I think I'm just writing it all down so I can get it off my chest, because carrying all this around would be too overwhelming. It's still pretty overwhelming to me as it is, but at least through writing, I can sort out my thoughts a little better. Makes it easier to deal with. Maybe I just want to get all of this out of my head. Most of this stuff I never tell anyone, I

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Linda will be having a funeral for her husband before she passes. I told her I'd attend to show my respects. I just can't believe it. It's all so surreal, the fact that in the hospital, in the same town as his funeral, that Linda will soon pass just floors below me. The last few days have been pretty difficult with regard to updates because I've been struggling with writer's block, even though at this point there isn't much left to write.

At first, this was just a personal project that I hoped would help me get back into medicine if nothing else. But then the plant closed and all of my "friends" found new jobs. New houses, new cars, new lives. And me? I'm still here. All alone in a big house that I can't afford to keep up. All alone with too much time to think about things. There's no more work to keep me busy, but my mind is always racing. I fill my time by keeping the house clean and doing yard work, but there are only so many

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I had a dream last night. Matt and Cecilia were in it, and we were in high school again. Same school, same people, same clothes, same Stephen, etc, etc. It was just like the earliest parts of my teenage journals when I write about our re-connected friendship in high school. It seemed so real that when I woke up I wrote a whole page in the journal just recording every detail I could remember. Like I said, in the journal I wrote that I was confused when it seemed like Matt might have a crush on

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I'm watching it disappear right in front of me. It's like...I dunno, it's like those movies you see on the history channel; the Roman Empire, or ancient Egypt, or some other civilization that obsessed over wealth, status, and power until they just withered up and died. I worry about the future. I worry about what this will mean for my own kids. The way things are going, will they have to move out of the city to find work? I can't even begin to imagine what they'll have to deal with. How do you

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I mean, it's not my fault, is it? I didn't ask to get laid off. And yet, I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I let everyone down. Maybe it's because I'm still here and they're not. I can't stop thinking about them. It's been three months since the plant closed, but I miss them every day. We were all so close. When something good happened, we shared it. When something bad happened, we shared that too. I guess it's easy to be friendly when you don't really have anything to worry about. A job

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I'm not sure why I keep this stupid thing up. No one is going to read it, after all. But for some reason, I just feel like it's important. I have no idea why. I've been thinking about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I haven't exactly been looking for a new job or anything, but I suppose I should start doing that. I mean, it's not like the world is coming to an end or anything. There are still people out there with real problems. I think that's partly why I've been putting off

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This is it. This is the last time I'm writing in this BLog. Tomorrow, I'm going back home from my trip from whatever hole I've been living in for the past month. Hopefully I can get home without too much trouble. I really don't know why I'm bothering to post this, There's not even a password on it, and anyone can edit it. Maybe I just want one last bit of attention before my life completely changes again.