So if Christ was born from the Immaculate Conception, how will the Antichrist come into the world?

Vaginal Beast Infection.

Complaint overheard at the dinner table of a cannibal family:

"Aww, feetloaf again?"

Have you met Dr. Richard Skinner?

He specializes in circumcisions.

I don't invite basketball players to my dinner parties because they dribble all over everything.

What kind of tea do you never run out of?

Plenn Tea.

What kind of tea do you never have enough of?

Emm Tea.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DEEZ NUTTS

Do you know why I'm posting this?

Because I knew you'd hover over this in curiosity, despite it being a spoiler.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because there was chicken porn on the other side.

I smuggled a flighless bird into the country. Now I'm wanted for harboring an illegal emugrant.

What did the waiter say to the customer who was brought the wrong fish?

"Sorry not saury."

What language does a Shiba Inu bark in?

Yapanese.

So this guy walks up to a 14 year old boy and says, in a sinister voice, "I fucked your mother, boy!"

The boy looks up at him, rolls his eyes, and says "I know, Dad. I heard the bed shake."

I got a message from India the other day.

It was delivered by currier pigeon.

What do you call a cement truck full of kittens?

A meow mixer.

How does a rancher keep track of how big his herd is?

With a cowculator.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

It depends on whether or not the woodchuck is Scottish.

Presented in chat log format because that's where I first told this one. Cut for being a bit tasteless.

Read More

What do you call a canyon full of ghosts?

An ectochasm!

1. Open the book
2. Switch off the phone
3. Start Studying

Those stunts mentioned above can only be performed by high professionals. Please do not try this at home.

What do snakes with ADHD take?

Adder-all