Step 1: Drink beers.

Step 2: Watch this music video

Step 3 (ADVANCED CLASS): Snag SHOUT! Factory's Blu-Ray release of Streets of Fire for further research.

I meant to post this last night (early this morning), but apparently I was somewhat incoherent so I forgot to hit the 'post' button. Woops. BUT NOW HERE IT IS.

"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry. "Tell us how to Write Starlight Glimmer even though you've only used her in like one story but that doesn't matter because you're the best at pony stories so any bits of wisdom you can pass along will be super useful!"

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Hi Everypony,

Just found this cool little article, stumbled onto it on Facebook. Made for interesting and informative reading, so I thought i'd share it with any and all other aspiring writers out there.

Enjoy!

Click Here

"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Aren't you at Everfree Northwest right now? And since you are the best at ponies, will you reserve your INFINITE WISDOM for those lucky few who come across you in person at the con?"

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" You cry.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry, "You are the best at writing things! Tell us how to write things!"

And, benevolent gentleman I am, I oblige. More specifically, I turn to one of my favorite characters to write (even if she doesn't feature in every one of my stories, 'cause nobody's perfect). And so, friends, I humbly present "How to write Applejack, in like three easy steps."

Step One: Drink a drink. Cider is good. Whiskey is better.

Step Two: Watch this:

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"So, um, just saying, we may have devoted a too-large percentage of our waking hours to the consumption and discussion of a children's cartoon and the various fanfictions thereof. BUT, obviously, you have spent even MORE time on this, given the fact that you are BEST AT PONIES, so please, tell us, finally, for your two-hundreth FiMFiction blog, how do you write Twilight Sparkle, the most important character in our lives in the show?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Please, tell us, the few dozen or so people still writing ponyfic in the year of 2020-- how can we make our ponyfic BETTER?"

"Also in retrospect we probably should have asked this question a lot sooner. Still, seeing as of how you are BEST AT PONIES, what sage wisdom do you have to offer in this bleak time?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

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The following wall of text is an informal explanation of how I go about writing my chapters. You know, for the two or three of you who are curious about such things. I like to be transparent with who I am, and how I do things. I know it's nothing special, but here's how I typically go about writing a new chapter.

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I don't think I'm a good writer. I have a lot of failed English writing courses to thank for that. Because of this, when I started writing, I was constantly being driven to improve. I wanted my stories to be enjoyed by as many people as the writing deserved. I wanted to be a good writer.

As such, nearly everything I've written has had an underlining design to helping me improve.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

(But not in that way you pervos).

"Seeing as of how you are BEST AT PONIES, tell us how to write sexy clopfic stories so that we can inflict our alarmingly specific fetishes upon the featured box! Surely you know how to do this on account of your secret side-account that's like nothing but LyraBon smut or something."

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

(Even though I don't want to).

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"Please, sir-- it is readily evident you are BEST AT PONIES, so tonight, tell us how to write the shy pony, Fluttershy! Share your wisdom, which is certainly wise and not just stupid things you are posting on the internet because you are bored and the thing you're working on isn't going as quickly as you hoped."

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Even I didn't know what this strange phenomenon truly was until I watched this video.

"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"It's been awhile since you've done one of these dumb posts! But, since you continue to be BEST AT PONIES (and not just because the fandom is barren and fallow in the post S9 era), please, tell us, how do you write Princess Luna? Given she's been one of the most fanfic'd characters since the beginning of the dang show, we probably should have asked you this sooner, but hey. Got any tips?"

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

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Pebble: you both act like hot plot-nuggets.

(Hidden Rose frowns, turns away, and rolls her eyes)

Ambrosia: a’ight, sometimes we do, but that’s different. Afore, Sumac wasn’t hurt and now he is. We’re not gonna act like butt-dumplings when he’s like this.

Pebble: I don’t believe you. (Gestures at Meg and narrows eyes at Apple sisters) If I were you, I wouldn’t do anything to upset Megara.

(Apple sisters both gulp)

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SO.

It's been a long day-- nothing insurmountable, and nothing a fancy beer and some exploding things in Star Fox can't fix. But with that done, I find myself sitting in front of my computer, with the vague desire to write ... uh, something. But I'm still a bit brain-fried from my day job (plus, I've already gotten a little bit of original writing for the day) so, uh ... ponies, right?

Or, perhaps more pretentious, writing about writing about ponies. Ponies being funny.

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How To Write Clop for People Who Can’t Write Clop Too Good
Part 1 - Characterisation

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

"How do you write Big Macintosh? You really haven't featured him as a character in any of your stories but obviously you know how to write him because you are the best at ponies."

WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Step 1:

Drink drinks. Rural drinks. Which is to say, terrible mass-market American lagers and also maybe literal moonshine. The kind of stuff that comes in mason jars.

Step 2:

Watch this.

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"Oh Tumbleweed!" you cry.

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