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Jan
12th
2016

Fear Not · 6:26pm Jan 12th, 2016

More in the break below.

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May
15th
2021

The Worst Possible Thing (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 27) · 4:54pm May 15th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Theresa finally became a dictator, fulfilling this series' longest running joke! And also lost her legs. That too.

And now:


Two hundred and four white spheres hovered miles over Eastern Massachusetts.  A little less than a yard wide each and swirling around several yards from each other, they weren’t visible from the ground.

Oh no.

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Report RB_ · 193 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
4th
2021

Finally, Consequences (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 15) · 5:03pm May 4th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Theresa whined to Parliament for half an hour.

And now:


This chapter begins with a question: what happened to President Martin?

The answer is given in the paragraph after the paragraph after the question is asked: not a lot. He's doing okay. That's the entirety of that line of thought.

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Report RB_ · 194 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
8th
2021

Oiiiil (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 19) · 5:02pm May 8th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Sim Country.

And now:


We begin the nineteenth chapter with a televised announcement from Prime Minister Scherzer. It includes telling the world not to challenge Theresa's power, and that she deserves the title of Empress. He doesn't tell the world of their plan, as per said plan, but does say they came to an agreement.

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Report RB_ · 174 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
16th
2021

Mr. Boutin Doesn't Know How People Work (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 3) · 5:53pm Apr 16th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:
No one did anything, but they did nothing aggressively.
And now:


We open the chapter with a short description of Boston College, which, as Theresa says, is not actually located in Boston.

BC has nine thousand undergraduates and a nationally known football team, but that’s not why I went there.  I got a full scholarship plus room and board.  It had to be the work of Father Donoughty and the Cardinal.

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Report RB_ · 270 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
26th
2021

Long Winded and Boring (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 8) · 5:13pm Apr 26th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Explanations for impossible things don't work if they're impossible.
And now:


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Report RB_ · 222 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
7th
2021

The Terrorists Go Out of Business (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 18) · 5:13pm May 7th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Vehicular vengeance.

And now:


Did I know what I was doing?  Heck no!

Well, at least she admits it.

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Report RB_ · 194 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
6th
2021

The One Where Theresa Goes Mad With Power (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 17) · 5:09pm May 6th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Xenon: warrior gas.

And now:


Hey.

Hey.

You know how Theresa keeps making new problems for herself with every problem she 'solves'?

Yeah, so now she's getting sued.

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Report RB_ · 178 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
12th
2021

Theresa Does a Football (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 23) · 5:03pm May 12th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Airplane.

And now:


Welcome back. Did you miss me? I missed you.

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Report RB_ · 175 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
17th
2021

What Can We Learn from Mr. Boutin's Mess? (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Wrap Up) · 5:58pm May 17th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

The end!

And now:


Welcome to the educational part of the series. If you're just joining us, I recommend going back and reading the rest of these blogs first, starting from the first chapter. Otherwise, you might not get what's going on.

Or, y'know, don't. Either works for me.

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Report RB_ · 248 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
10th
2021

Theresa Does an Exodus (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 21) · 4:52pm May 10th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Deserts are hard.

And now:


So the people who blew up that oil tanker were terrorists, as you might have guessed. Old associates of Al-Qaeda, as it turns out. Also, the boat they used was called the 'Deep C Guy'. Just want to put that out there.

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Report RB_ · 195 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
28th
2021

Inappropriate Interlude, ft. Chipmunks (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 9) · 5:35pm Apr 28th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

How can I best explain how little happened in so many, many words?

And now:


Before we begin, I have some news.

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Report RB_ · 241 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
12th
2021

I Can't Believe We're Doing This Again. (RB vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 1) · 2:59pm Apr 12th, 2021

Well hello there. I see you chose the former option. Congratulations; you get to watch as my sanity goes through the shredder. Please remember that it is entirely your own fault and, should you reach your limit, that you may check out at any time.
Like right now.
Right now would probably be a good time.






...






Alright, now that we've guaranteed that anyone who values their time on this planet is gone, it's time for the main event.

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Report RB_ · 445 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
11th
2021

In Which RB Gets Angry (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 22) · 5:06pm May 11th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Moses ain't got nothing.

And now:


It's time for Theresa and Steve to go back to America. Why they would want to go back is beyond me, but hey, it's their decision, not mine.

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Report RB_ · 201 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
14th
2021

Double Trouble (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapters 25 & 26) · 5:03pm May 14th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Not a lot!

And now:


Theresa and Steve are driven to the Fort Myer uniform shop. She goes for a man's service uniform, presumably the one she's featured in on the cover which, I will remind you, looks like this:

“Hon, you never looked better. It turns me on.”

Oh, Steve.

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Report RB_ · 180 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
2nd
2021

The Chapter That Nearly Broke Me (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 13) · 5:53pm May 2nd, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

North Korea North Korea'd. Theresa Theresa'd.

And now:


This is the big one, folks. Theresa's finally going to fix the wind thing. She's feeling very confident. So confident, in fact, that she invites her gracious hosts, the Parkers, to watch as she saves the world.

She does her thing. They watch, rapt, the television screens which display Theresa's creation in the arctic.

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Report RB_ · 157 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
24th
2021

The Dark Side of the Matter (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 7) · 5:51pm Apr 24th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:
Recap paceR.
And now:


Theresa walks into a meeting room. Blair isn't there. TV cameras are. BAM, I just saved you a page and a half of unimportant description.

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Report RB_ · 186 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
13th
2021

It's War, Gentlemen (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 24) · 5:11pm May 13th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

New York!

And now:


The chapter begins with a New York Times headline and a call from the president. She wants to meet up at the White House. Steve decides this is a bad idea for seemingly no reason and instead requests a representative come to West Point (they're back in West Point, by the way).

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Report RB_ · 183 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
May
16th
2021

At Last, the Final (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 28) · 4:53pm May 16th, 2021

Previously, on Empress Theresa:

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?

And now:


Welcome to the last chapter, folks. It's been a wild ride, hasn't it? Let's see what Mr. Boutin has to play us off.

If you'll recall, Theresa's apparent plan to deal with the new HAL users is to put the ENTIRE WORLD into suspended animation. She began doing this, as usual, without telling anyone and with no one's permission. Could have at least given us some warning, Theresa.

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Report RB_ · 204 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Apr
18th
2021

What's the Opposite of Social Distancing (RB Vs. Empress Theresa, Chapter 4) · 6:16pm Apr 18th, 2021

Kindle app says we're 12% in. Woohoooooooo.
Previously, on Empress Theresa:
First meeting to marriage in a matter of pages.
And now:


Just a reminder, the last chapter ended with this line:

I was driving the car alone one Saturday to go grocery shopping, thinking of the wonderful future waiting for me.

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Report RB_ · 221 views · #RB Vs. #Empress Theresa
Viewing 1 - 20 of 67 results