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Nov
30th
2015

Hey, Guys... · 3:24am Nov 30th, 2015

Once again, I've seen someone who has the potential to be happy be utterly depressive.

Not that I'm surprised. It's honestly what I've come to expect of the world.

That's why, in reality, I'm cold, aloof, and cynical...

Because I can't be bothered to care, since what I do ultimately won't matter in the end.

Like Sans.

Sure, I'll show care about those I know, and listen to them, but that's because I actually recognize that they do care.

Again, like Sans.

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Report Lord of Flies · 246 views · #cynical
Feb
26th
2016

On the importance of which school you go to · 2:21am Feb 26th, 2016

Dec
27th
2015

SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER! The Cynical Brony: Episode 23: "How Sorcerer Destroyed, Obliterated, And Outright Rekt Hearth's Warming Eve" · 4:08pm Dec 27th, 2015

How The Sorcerer Destroyed, Obliterated and Outright Rekt Hearth's Warming Eve


By


Sorcerer M Crainius


And


The Cynical Brony

------------------


Once upon a time, a long time ago


There was a village completely covered in snow


Now this isn't actually the subject. FOOLED YOU.


It was about a town in present time with ponies there too


Everypony down in Ponyville liked Hearth's Warming Eve a lot.

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Jan
29th
2015

The Cynical Brony: Episode 16: "Hearts and Hooves Day Review" · 7:50pm Jan 29th, 2015

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Welcome back, my friends, to Applejackuary! Yes, I'm aware that episode 16 got deleted or didn't upload properly or something, but the reviews are more important than the editorials. Anyway, Hearts and Hooves Day! Oh God, it's a Valentine's day special, isn't it? Prepare yourselves for annoying romances that probably won't work out! Then again, there's a higher chance of a romance working out than an episode of my show

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Nov
17th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 12: "The Top 10 Mistakes of The Cynical Brony" · 11:41pm Nov 17th, 2014

[Note: In between each number, I recommend you play the embedded clip for a full effect.]
Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! So, some of you might notice a pattern: every fourth episode is an editorial. As such, I've been thinking back to my episodes and found that I may have found a few mistakes...
MORE LIKE 29!
Shut up. Anyways, welcome to the Top 10 Mistakes of yours truly.

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Oct
15th
2016

I would never want to belong anywhere that wants me · 11:50pm Oct 15th, 2016

So, FIMfiction, and life in general, really, is really eroding the tiny little nubbin of hope that I had left for mankind.

I post what I feel to be clever little bits of satire, parody, and character study, shit I work hard on, taking time to craft my language carefully for desired effect, and I get practically nothing, barely a look-in, and then only from those already inclined to approach my work with some (possibly subconscious) level of tolerance, if not favoritism.

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Nov
1st
2015

The Cynical Brony: Episode 22: Tales From The Critics! · 8:51pm Nov 1st, 2015

A Non-Tim Burton Picture


The Cynical Brony Presents


SORCERERJUICE

The Monsters

(A lighter illuminates the darkness)

???: We unleashed something terrible on October 31st, 2015: A demon

(The light grows brighter, revealing Earth)

???: The demon took hold of one Sorcerer M. Crainus, an old friend and rival of mine.

(Light grows so large that it engulfs the miniature Earth)

???: Through three trials, I would work to remove those demons. These are…

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Feb
22nd
2015

The Cynical Brony: Episode 17: "The Last Roundup Review" · 8:56pm Feb 22nd, 2015

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
...
...
...
... It's been a while, hasn't it? Anyways, today I'm going to be reviewing one of the most controversial episodes of the entire show. Not for its story, or its message, mind you. It's controversial for one single scene... let's review The Last Roundup.
***

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Apr
15th
2015

The Cynical Brony/Sorcerer's Fan Fic Theater 400 Crossover! · 12:03am Apr 15th, 2015

Joke Theme Song:


In the not to distant future, in XXXX A.D

There was a guy named Cynical,

Rather different than you or me!

He worked for a bunch of Mafias,

But no-one really cared because

He did a good job f*cking up the place

but no-one really liked him so they shot him into space!

(You bastards!)

Luna: We send him crappy fan fics-

Celestia: The worst we can find! Lalala!

He'll have to sit and read them all

as we monitor his mind!

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Dec
14th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 14: "Read it and Weep Review" Edited 6/3/15! · 8:49pm Dec 14th, 2014

[Note: The blue lines are Dash's.]

Ah, back again! Hey Derpy, where are you? Derpy? Huh. Well, she'll be back. In any case, I managed to get Dash. It's surprising how easy pegasi are to knock out. Hey, Dash!
...huh? How'd I get here...?
The defense has spoken! She has nothing to say, and so we can proceed to sentencing!

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Dec
31st
2016

Best Games Of 2016 · 3:50pm Dec 31st, 2016

2016's been a bit of a downer year. My grandfather died after a truck slammed into him on a bike, a dog named Taco that I raised from birth also got hit by a truck, and lastly, one of my other dogs, Greta, had to be put down because of organ failure. Plus countless celebrities died, what is quite possibly the most toxic presidential election in history happened, and in general, a lot of bullshit happened this year. But despite me just making a paragraph saying why the year wasn't good,

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Oct
14th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 3: "Party of One Review" · 12:28am Oct 14th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and before I get started with the review, I have a story to tell. One day, a new, some-what talented comedian tried to make a review of an episode of a show that he really liked. He couldn't, however, because the whole God damn universe refused to let it happen! First, it had his German Shepard start barking and that sent his mouse flying, accidently clicking the close tab button on FiM Fiction. The next time he tried, his computer, whenever he tried to

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Apr
1st
2019

Top 5 Video Games of All Time · 11:10pm Apr 1st, 2019

In 1958, Physicist William Higinbotham created the world’s very first video game, a simple tennis game that was fairly similar to Pong in 1970. In the 60 years since then, however, video games have gone from an odd little programming exercise to one of the biggest money making franchises of all time, with every genre you could dream of available, ranging from shooters and puzzle games, to more niche genres like visual novels and life sims. However, as gamers, we all have our own opinions

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Jan
9th
2015

The Cynical Brony: Episode 15: "Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000 Review" · 2:15am Jan 9th, 2015

[Note: This is the first episode post-reboot! Read this blog for further details.]
Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony and... wait, what? Something seems off. Derpy? Does anything feel different to you?
NO, BUT I THINK YOU NEED TO DO ANOTHER REVIEW. IT'S BEEN A YEAR!
A year?! Oh wait, new years was last week. Nice one. Dash?

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Jun
23rd
2016

The Cynical Brony: Episode 22: "Dragon Quest Review" · 5:35pm Jun 23rd, 2016

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
...
...
. . .
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Yeah... I won't go into it, but a lot of shit happened that put me out of my reviewing groove. However, all that's now behind me, so let's begin again with Dragonquest! Why? Because I want to make Skyrim jokes while Skyrim Remastered is still relevant. :applejackunsure:


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Jan
1st
2016

The Cynical Brony Shorts: Cynical's New Year · 6:11pm Jan 1st, 2016

*pan into Cynical's office, a clock reading 5 AM*

Cynical: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, guys! My glass is *hic* empty again, so bring out the guns! I'm robbin the bar!
Raging Seas: Um, no. Mistah Cynical, you're very, VERY drunk. More so than usual. C'mon, follow me.
Cynical: Nooooooooooo... what was I saying? Anyways, I'm *hic* still getting some booze, and nobody, not even you Mr. Lorax, can stop me!

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Nov
15th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 2 REVISED Edition: "Crystal Empire Review" · 4:11am Nov 15th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Enjoy that opening while it lasts, I'm expecting the Nostalgia Critic to sue me... anyways! Season 3! Not a lot of people liked it. In fact, this season made 50% of Bronies do this:

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Oct
26th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 7: "The Twilight Sparkle Zone: Episodes 1-4 Review" · 2:16am Oct 26th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! After Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory, I want to review a good fan-made horror story. So, The Twilight Sparkle Zone. Before I start the actual review, since this story is a crossover, I have to give my opinions on the source material. As most of you probably guessed, this story is a crossover with the famous TV show, "The Twilight Zone", a show I really like. The original 60's version, at least. The episodes would go

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Oct
15th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 4: Rainbow Dash Tribute · 1:57am Oct 15th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Dash is my favorite character in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Yes, I've always had a personal connection with Dash. The reason I bring this up? Recently, I've seen a lot of Dash haters. And I mean a lot. So, I want to bring my counter arguments to the table. Okay, and two other reasons: 1. She's going to die a horrible death in Cupcakes, my next review, so I want to pay tribute before my view of the show and her

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Oct
18th
2014

The Cynical Brony: Episode 5: "Cupcakes Review" · 11:02pm Oct 18th, 2014

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! I really don't want to do this, but for you guys, I will. You demanded it, waited for it to come, and now it's here. I'm finally reviewing Cupcakes. So, I went out and bought a big box of Hostess brand Cupcakes, so, let's get to reviewing it!

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Viewing 1 - 20 of 46 results