How The Sorcerer Destroyed, Obliterated and Outright Rekt Hearth's Warming Eve

By

Sorcerer M Crainius

And

The Cynical Brony

------------------

Once upon a time, a long time ago

There was a village completely covered in snow

Now this isn't actually the subject. FOOLED YOU.

It was about a town in present time with ponies there too

Everypony down in Ponyville liked Hearth's Warming Eve a lot.

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Welcome back, my friends, to Applejackuary! Yes, I'm aware that episode 16 got deleted or didn't upload properly or something, but the reviews are more important than the editorials. Anyway, Hearts and Hooves Day! Oh God, it's a Valentine's day special, isn't it? Prepare yourselves for annoying romances that probably won't work out! Then again, there's a higher chance of a romance working out than an episode of my show

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to!
...
...
. . .
It's been a while, hasn't it?
Yeah... I won't go into it, but a lot of shit happened that put me out of my reviewing groove. However, all that's now behind me, so let's begin again with Dragonquest! Why? Because I want to make Skyrim jokes while Skyrim Remastered is still relevant.

*pan into Cynical's office, a clock reading 5 AM*

Cynical: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, guys! My glass is *hic* empty again, so bring out the guns! I'm robbin the bar!
Raging Seas: Um, no. Mistah Cynical, you're very, VERY drunk. More so than usual. C'mon, follow me.
Cynical: Nooooooooooo... what was I saying? Anyways, I'm *hic* still getting some booze, and nobody, not even you Mr. Lorax, can stop me!

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! I really don't want to do this, but for you guys, I will. You demanded it, waited for it to come, and now it's here. I'm finally reviewing Cupcakes. So, I went out and bought a big box of Hostess brand Cupcakes, so, let's get to reviewing it!

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! It's been ANOTHER while, hasn't it? Well, fuck waiting a year for an episode, you get one four months later! So, leaks. Some people like them. Some people hate them. Some people ask why we can't drone someone in the middle of London for leaking things. Regardless of your thoughts on them, they're a thing that happen, and I use them. Why? Because I be the dread pirate Cynic.

(Quick note here, please let me know if you find any spelling errors.)

Like the title? It's something new I'm experimenting with for short reviews. Also, holy shit, Cynical's actually publishing another review, it must be the end times. This will have spoilers below the break.

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Well, I know you all saw the title of this, so yeah. Rainbow Factory: I didn't like it. It's pretty tame compared to other gore fics, and did try to have an actual story, but I find myself not liking it. There are several reasons why I don't like it, so let me explain. One quick note: Unlike Sargent Sprinkles, Mr. Davey, or Biter, I do not actually hate Aurora Dawn. I think he's/she's a bad writer, but he/she

Hello, I'm The Cynical Brony, and I review it so you don't have to! Aw, reviewers. One of my favorite sections of the Brony community. Telling us what's good, what's bad, and what's a bit of both, while making it clear that it's simply their opinions and encourage you to disagree with them if you truly do. Sadly, this is not applying to all reviewers. Case and point, Tommy Oliver.

Come to think of it, why did Starlight even have a secret passage way? Did she expect her citizens to revolt or for someone to attack the village eventually? If so, that makes her the smartest villain in the series so far. However,
I am immensely disappointed that not one character yelled this out after her escape:

Hey guys, it's me. Sorry this one took so long, but I hope you enjoy! Just a quick note: I make several jokes about communism, but to my communist followers, please realize that they are directed at the tyrants who abused the system, not those who use it. I simply dislike the system, and this episode gave me plenty of opportunities to make such jabs. If it's any sort of consolation, I'll quite happily do the same to capitalism when I eventually review Rainbow Rocks. Anyways, without

...Mwahaha, hahaha, ahaha!
CYNICAL...
Ahaha, ahahaha, mwhahaha...
CYNICAL!
What? I was mid evil laugh!
YOU'VE BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A WEEK! GET UP AND MAKE A REVIEW ALREADY!
Fine. Okay, Sweet Apple Massacre? No. Fallout Equestria? Too long. A clop fic? Oh Hell no. Hmm... I wonder what Double Rainboom is...
OH CRAP, UM, NO! ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE TO REVIEW?!
Too late! The hype train has already started a-rolling! See you in half an hour!