I don’t know if this was driven by malice, self-loathing, or a little of both, but I decided to do something a little different this time. You see, I’ve been kinda disconnected from ponyfic lately. It’s not that I haven’t been reading and writing; I just haven’t been doing it here, and that kinda bothered me.
Once upon a time, there lived a grumpy guy who read way too many badfics.
This isn’t a fairy tale. It’s my life story.
Good grief! It seems I really do read a lot. Better post this before it piles up too high.
Now, my problems can become your problems. Read on, and your free time will soon suffer the same fate as mine.
You’ll have the advantage of knowing which ones are crappy, though, so you can avoid them.
Welcome back to the Badfic Slaughterhouse, where I subject myself to a variety of stories—new and old, good and bad, famous and unknown—recommend the best for your reading pleasure, and throw the worst into a grinder for your twisted amusement.
What? You thought I only read Five Score, Divided by Four stories for three weeks?
A few of these things piled up, so it didn’t take much extra reading to fill out this post.
In a world where bad stories run rampant across the internet, one man will do the same thing as a bunch of others and write mini-reviews.
Coming this summer to a theater near you: that guy who sits on the row behind you and talks through the whole movie while constantly bumping your seat.
Not coming to theaters: the stories listed below.
The Badfic Slaughterhouse is open for business, and it’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff once more. The good stories I’ve recently read will be appropriately lauded, but as for the bad ones… Well, the badfic grinder is ready for fresh meat.
It’s been months since I read and reviewed Five Score, Divided by Four and a few of its spin-offs, so this follow-up has been a long time coming.
Welcome once again to the Badfic Slaughterhouse, wherein I examine most of the stories I slog through—be they good or bad, famous or unknown—recommend the best for your reading pleasure, and throw the worst into a grinder for your twisted amusement.
It's that time again, boys and girls. Uncle Prak has put on his Santa suit and brought a sack full of goodies for those of you who have been good. Too bad you've all been bad. That means you just get some coal reviews. Look on the bright side, though; at least they're not all badfics!
If you're enjoying these blogs, be sure to scroll to the bottom this time.
It's been suggested to me that I should blog more often, and since I have nothing else to do while I wait for my new chapter to be edited, I might as well give it a shot. In general, I don't have a lot to talk about, but it occurs to me that I read a ton of stories in my capacity as a TRG prereader/princess. Most stories we get, of course, don't make the cut. We wouldn't be much of a spotlighting group if we took everything, would we? Still, some of this stuff deserves a little recognition, so
The doors of the Badfic Slaughterhouse have opened once more, and the sounds of children's laughter and anguished screams flow through them in equal measure. Within, fics of all sorts are judged, and the worst are hurled into a grinder for your twisted amusement.
Once again, it's been a while since my last blog. This time, however, I think I really am returning to making more regular posts. I've been reading a lot lately—so much that I actually have a backlog of stuff pending review.
A wise man (who talks really fast about video games) once said, “experience has taught me that while declaring a game shitty because of the first few hours is perfectly valid and completely professional, you should never assume that a good game will stay good.”
Replace “game” with “story” and “hours” with “chapters”—or in extreme cases, “paragraphs”—and this applies perfectly well to story reviews.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, step right up and feast your eyes on the one, the only, the amazing, terrifying, utterly stupendous Badfic Slaughterhouse! Inside, you’ll find all manner of stories. Marvel at the magnificence of the good ones, and cover the eyes of your children because the bad ones are going straight into our handy-dandy, one of a kind, industrial strength badfic grinder!
When the Badfic Slaughterhouse opens, Prak will sit on his glorious throne. All the stories will be gathered before him, and he will separate the fics one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep (goodfics) on his right and the goats (badfics) on his left.
Then he will pull a gilded lever, and the badfic goats will be cast into the grinder while the Angels cheer their demise.
Amen.
To review or not to review, that is the question: whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the existence of wretched badfics, or to take quill in hand against the army of alicorn OCs and write about how much they suck.
Not much of a question, really.
The badfics are coming! The badfics are coming!
Well, it’s been a few days since I last posted one of these, but that’s what happens when I spend all my time writing and editing instead of reading. A few stories have finally piled up, though—some popular, some not so much.
Welcome, once again, to the Badfic Slaughterhouse, where I sift through stories both good and bad, recommend the best for your reading pleasure, and throw the worst of them into a grinder for your twisted amusement.
As will soon be apparent, this isn’t the Oneshotober post I was teasing/threatening in my last batch of reviews. The idea is not forgotten, though. It will probably happen at the end of the month, when I have a larger pool to pick from.
Prak: “One shall review; one shall fall.”
Crappy Author: “Why throw away your sanity so recklessly?”
Prak: “That’s a question you should ask yourself, Crappy Author.”
Crappy Author: “Wait… That doesn’t fit. My sanity’s in no danger, and—”
Prak: “Shut up. Time for reviews.”
Gasping for breath, Prak fell to his knees. The dreadfully pale, pimply form of his nemesis, Crappy Author, loomed above him, spinning his Pen of Shameful Ineptitude in his fingers. Fetid ink flew from its tip and splattered onto the ground, each droplet giving birth to a new alicorn OC.
“You are beaten, Prak,” said Crappy Author. “No matter how hard you fight, bad fanfics will always be read by the masses. A few reviews can’t change that.”
Welcome to the Badfic Slaughterhouse. Good stories, please proceed to the lounge on your right, where you may be enjoyed in the manner you deserve. Bad stories, you will be “escorted” down the Walk of Shame to your left, where you will be beaten, humiliated, and thrown into a grinder as the audience cheers your demise. Have a nice day!
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