Few things are as resoundingly disappointing as when a great musical gets a terrible movie adaptation. And, in a moment that is rather ironic, just like 2004's The Phantom of the Opera, Alan Parker's 1996 cinematic rendition of Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice's 1976 rock opera Evita is an overblown, slow moving, sorrowfully inept attempt at taking an incredible dynamic and explosive play, and translating it to screen.

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