A lot of people in the fandom don't understand who I am and think of me as a bad person. My friend sometimes does, too, and doesn't trust me anymore because of that. There have been moments when she literally asked me "Who are you?". I was always thinking this was stemming from trust issues that she developed because of events in her past and I was only marginally attributing the cause for this question to myself. Now I know better. I was much more the cause for this question than I always

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My shock about her sudden leave is lessening and I can think clearer again. I was able to identify a few reasons why she suddenly blocked me without warning.

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I was going back and reading a Discord conversation me and my friend had..... We were talking about woke ideologies and rascism and women and she told me a few things she is concerned about, things that concern her about me..... And I didn't understand it..... I was reading this conversation for the first time again since we had it and it looks so different now..... She tried to help me, tried to make me understand in what direction I was going, and she put so much effort into explaining it to

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Things are taking a turn for the miserable again..... I wasn't checking my mails last week, when I did yesterday, I found a goodbye mail by her. I was citing the fact there's no goodbye message by her as a good sign, now it turned out there is a goodbye message by her. Things were looking up slightly, especially because I let police perform a wellness check on her, which thankfully turned out as her just being sick with the flu and nothing worse, and she told them that she will follow up with

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I will talk more about my mental condition from now on. I am not sure how most of my followers will react to this, when I often write blog entries like this that aren't about my writing or Equestria analysis, but about my mental health. But you don't need to read these kinds of blog entries if you find them annoying or even feel of them as drama, I won't demand this from you, so if you don't want to read them, just ignore them.

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I have woken up today and things have taken a turn for the worse. In the most horrible way I can imagine. I lack the strength to say much about it now, about the reason, the mental strength to say much. And talking about it is very painful, because of the emotions involved.....

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Hearth's Warming Eve has come and gone. It was lonely, but less horrible than I expected. Decorating the tree felt rather pointless this year and I just rushed through it. Listening to "A Pony Kind of Christmas" while I decorated it was painful and, in hindsight, I wish I'd rather not done it. I left out "Days Gone By" this year, because it would have been too much.

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I was always balanced. Until I suddenly wasn't anymore. Since that mistake I made in January of 2017, I have changed and lost a part of myself. I still don't understand what caused it and what made me act that way. But since then, I was not balanced anymore. And it grew worse with time. Not only did I develop angry outbursts and was out of control, I also began to

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Since she blocked me, so many thoughts are going through my head..... Almost seven years ago, an event happened that shattered me so much, that I turned into the worst friend possible for a while, because of the mental problems it brought me. Everything was wonderful at that time; my writing was growing fast, I had found the best friend I could wish for and I had my dream position as a quest writer of "Legends of

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Many years ago, I lived together with a person who called herself my "mother". She was evil and also mentally ill. A few days ago, on Thursday, I came to think about her, because I was thinking about the mistake I made in January of 2017 and how my extreme reaction there must have been because of a mental illness.

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Something I don't know yet is the cause of the mistake I made more than seven years ago..... I know how the consequences happened. This mistake caused a conflict that affected my mental health. It confused me and made me say stupid things that hurt my friend. I felt guilty about this, the guilt was building up and it caused me to have angry, aggressive outbursts when

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The first 10 days of the year were rather terrible. New Year's Eve was still okay, compared to the next ten days. I had lunch and dinner and I watched a few movies while awaiting the new year; "Spirited Away", because that's my friend's favourite movie and we watched it together a few times, and "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring", because we watched the whole trilogy together when I visited her two years ago. And I was, surprisingly, done with dinner before midnight (even

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AND I JUST WISH
I COULD TELEPORT ALL OF YOU TO MY HOUSE
AND WE COULD WATCH PONIES
AND EAT FOOD
AND BE FRIENDS
AND COSPLAY PONIES
AND JUST ALL HANG OUT LIKE THE GIANT NERDS WE ALL ARE
AND IF WE COULD AVOID FIGHTING
WE WOULD ALL CHEER UP, AT LEAST FOR A LITTLE BIT
AND IT WOULD BE WONDERFUL

man it would be awesome. i so wish i could hang out with you guys irl