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Viewing 81 - 100 of 119 results
Jul
27th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 36 -- Bloodlust · 10:43am Jul 27th, 2018

Hmm. “Bloodlust” implies a throwdown. Could we actually end this series with a big vampire fight? Here’s hoping!

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Jul
16th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 25 -- Favor · 10:52am Jul 16th, 2018

Bella and Edward pork all night, and she’s still not satisfied. It takes Edward saying Nessie’s name to snap her out of it. They get changed; we get another mention of how the closet is filled with lotsa clothes and can’t ANYTHING come hard to this couple?! In the middle of changing, we get yet another reminder of how so frigging hot like whoa Edward is that somehow manages to double as a reminder that their sex is TOATELLY GRAET EWE GAIS:

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Jul
21st
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 30 -- Irresistible · 1:16pm Jul 21st, 2018

Bella’s stressing out about everything: the Volturi, Alice’s desertion, the fact that she’ll have to learn how to fight, J. Jenks, the vampires who’ll be coming over, everything. She tries to talk to Edward about it, but before she can get the words out, he’s kissing her. And then she just forgets about asking questions for the night.

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Jul
6th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 15 -- Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock · 10:33am Jul 6th, 2018

Snide phrase that connects back to the chapter title in some way.

While Jacob and Seth are on patrol, Jacob wonders why the Cullens just don’t take Bella somewhere else, away from Sam. Seth says he’s already asked that; the Cullens have too many medical supplies to transport easily, and collecting them takes a lot of time. This debate takes two whole pages. I hate this book.

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Jul
15th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 24 -- Surprise · 12:54pm Jul 15th, 2018

Bella gets a new house for her birthday and it’s purty.

That’s it.

I FUCKING HATE THIS BOOK.

Well, okay. That’s not completely it. It does have one of the better Alice moments, where she and Edward have both gotten Bella gifts and each wants to give theirs first:

“I know — I’ll play you for it,” Alice suggested. “Rock, paper, scissors.”

Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed.

“Why don’t you just tell me who wins?” Edward said wryly.

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Dec
30th
2017

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 5 -- Blood Type · 5:37pm Dec 30th, 2017

Bella’s so over-the-moon about Edward taking her to Seattle that she’s late for class. She spends the next few hours in an Edward-induced haze. In the cafeteria at lunch, he asks her to sit with him and says he’s giving up trying to avoid her. Even though he still says they should stay away. No, he doesn’t say why. Bella changes the subject, admitting she’s trying to figure out what Edward’s deal is; she guesses a lot of stuff related to superheroes. It goes back and forth for a few pages and

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Jan
2nd
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 6 -- Scary Stories · 4:50pm Jan 2nd, 2018

At school, Bella has to endure comments about her fainting during the blood test, even though someone else also had to be taken to the nurse’s office. One of her friends makes fun of her for it and still expects Bella to tell her about what Edward wanted to talk about during lunch. Oh, and the worst part of the day is that Edward isn’t there (he’s going hunting over the weekend and left early). Seriously, she describes gloom engulfing her. How many times have you talked to him again? Three?

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Jan
5th
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 7 -- Nightmare · 4:04pm Jan 5th, 2018

At home, Bella tries to avoid thinking about Edward, so she… Well, just read this. Stuff like this is why Twilight is as long as it is:

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Jan
13th
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 10 -- Interrogations · 4:53pm Jan 13th, 2018

When Bella wakes up the next morning, it’s incredibly foggy. Edward’s waiting for her in the driveway, ready to take her to school, and we get crap like this:

I noticed that he wore no jacket himself, just a light gray knit V-neck shirt with long sleeves. Again, the fabric clung to his perfectly muscled chest. It was a colossal tribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.

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Feb
7th
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 19 -- Goodbyes · 4:05pm Feb 7th, 2018

Bella enters her house and begins packing as best she can, all while screaming out the door about how she hates Edward. Charlie keeps trying to ask what’s going on, but Bella’s nearly incoherent, yelling that she hates Forks and wants to go back to Phoenix. Then Charlie drops a bombshell: her mother, Renee, might be back in Phoenix at the end of the week, as Renee’s husband is having trouble finding a job in Florida (he’s a minor league baseball player, in case you’ve forgotten), but an Arizona

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Feb
9th
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 20 -- Impatience · 2:55pm Feb 9th, 2018

Bella awakes in a hotel in Phoenix at three in the morning. Thinking back, her memories of the trip are a haze, and she vaguely remembers falling asleep. Alice and Jasper sit and watch TV, waiting for a call from Carlisle about an update, any update. Bella has some anxiety over the Cullens going against James (five against two isn’t bad odds!), but Alice says their only fear is losing Bella, because:

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Feb
23rd
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 24 -- An Impasse · 4:05pm Feb 23rd, 2018

Bella wakes up in a hospital, Edward at her side. According to him, she’s got a broken leg, four broken ribs, a cracked skull, and bruises everywhere, on top of losing a lot of blood. The explanation he gave to the doctors and Bella’s parents is that she fell down two flights of stairs and out a window. Supposedly, that could plausibly happen to her.

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Jun
28th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 7 -- Unexpected · 10:49am Jun 28th, 2018

Bella has another dream about the immortal child, again with the Volturi coming for him, only this time she feels powerful and wants to protect him. Why? ’Cause he’s purty? Didn’t you hear about all the destruction they could cause? The Volturi are trying to keep vampires secret and keep humans from hunting them down. It’s not like they’re stomping around, going, “No fun allowed!” It’s like they’re trying to keep you from skating somewhere because that somewhere is a minefield. When she wakes

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Jul
5th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 14 -- You Know Things Are Bad When You Feel Guilty For Being Rude to Vampires · 10:42am Jul 5th, 2018

You know things are even worse when you feel tired for complaining about all the padding.

Jacob arrives at the Cullens’ and finds a fresh set of clothes waiting for him. As he’d torn his last set changing when he left the house last chapter, he’s grateful. He re-enters the living room and finds that it’s back to mostly normal, with no hospital bed or anything. Bella hears Jacob enter and her face lights up.

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Jul
8th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 17 -- What Do I Look Like? The Wizard of Oz? You Need a Brain? You Need a Heart? Go Ahead. Take Mine. Take Everything I Have. · 11:09am Jul 8th, 2018

What do I look like? A writer? You need some good prose? You need some good characters? TOO BAD. They’re mine. You’re not getting anything.

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Jun
29th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 8 -- Waiting for the Damn Fight to Start Already · 10:44am Jun 29th, 2018

Waiting for the damn book to end already. Notice something different about the chapter title? For the next ten or so chapters, the book’s narrated by Jacob instead of Bella. And if he’s anything like he was at the end of Eclipse, this is going to be painful. VERY. VERY. PAINFUL.

There’s a “preface” for this section, too. This is it, in its entirety:

Life sucks, and then you die.

Yeah, I should be so lucky.

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Feb
19th
2018

In Which I Read Twilight: Chapter 23 -- The Angel · 2:54pm Feb 19th, 2018

As Bella drifts away, she hears the sounds of a fight. Then she concludes she’s dead, because she hears the voice of an angel. Guess who the “angel” is. You never thought you were dead before when you heard his voice, why start now? And, seriously, even when it’s obvious it’s Edward, she keeps referring to him as “the angel” for pages. It might’ve been to convey her state of shock, but it didn’t do a very good job. Anyway, Edward, Carlisle, and Alice work together to try to stem Bella’s

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Jul
30th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 39 -- The Happily Ever After · 10:46am Jul 30th, 2018

If it means this book is finally over, yes it’s happy.

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Jul
22nd
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 31 -- Talented · 12:46pm Jul 22nd, 2018

Jul
10th
2018

In Which I Beg for Sweet Release From Breaking Dawn: Chapter 19 -- Burning · 10:42am Jul 10th, 2018

Bella turns into a vampire and it hurts.

And that’s literally the whole chapter.

I am not fucking kidding.

We go back to Bella’s perspective right as she vomits blood. We get a brief recap of what she saw from the last chapter, only with a lot of descriptions of pain. Bella manages to cling to consciousness long enough to see (blalgh) Renesmee before blacking out.

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Viewing 81 - 100 of 119 results