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T“Pharynx, what the buck is a lesbian?”
Pharynx is forced to explain a certain subject to a certain little nymph. Celestia help him...
BezierBallad · 1.6k words  ·  131  11 · 2.2k views

Pharynx, what the buck is a lesbian? by BezierBallad is next in line. I can already tell that this story is going to crack me up; I mean, of all creatures, Pharynx has to explain this? I wonder what could possibly happen…

Summary

Pharynx is forced to explain the concept of homosexuality to an innocent changeling.

Content

I must say that this is hilarious. Throughout the story, the author has done a superb job to convey how annoyed and upset Pharynx was as he was attempting to explain the concept of homosexuality to this changeling whose innocent mind only gave rise to a constant barrage of questions. The feeble attempts that Pharynx executed to duck and dive through those questions only invited more provoking questions that effectively floored him at the end of the story, which was absolutely comical. The author exploited virtually every opportunity I could glean from the chain of events to introduce humour at the appropriate junctures of the story, even at the innocent changeling’s misunderstanding of “lesbian” and on the concept of the so-called straightness of character.

Even the brief interlude in the story in which the author depicts the scene of how this innocent changeling, Flutterwings, got to know of the word “lesbian” was well-described and necessary to build up the background of the story. This set the scene aptly to showcase the confusion that Flutterwings must have felt then and there. This excerpt helped to invite discerning thoughts from the reader’s mind to consider the future events that would occur in the story.

However, I think that while the author has integrated some level of facial expressions and emotive writing into the dialogue between the two characters discussed, the author could build these more strongly into the story. There are some aspects in which the dialogue could have an action or facial apparatus description integrated into it. I posit that further development here would further enhance the storyline, especially since this story’s content is brought out by dialogue.

Flow

This piece is incredibly dialogue-driven, with their conversation flowing cogently and logically. But because of the style of writing short, sharp dialogue paragraphs, the story seems to adopt a fairly high tempo throughout, which is fair, as the author wishes to showcase how incessant Flutterwings’ line of questioning was. This was well-exemplified and the author has evidently done a great job here.

Language

Language errors were rare, with only a few formatting errors pertaining to the capitalisation of letters of the first words moving in and out of the dialogue, specifically, for example –

“Look, why are you asking me about this?” He asked sternly. “Shouldn’t you be asking your brothers? Or… or better yet, my brother?”

“Look, why are you asking me about this?” he asked sternly. “Shouldn’t you be asking your brothers? Or… or better yet, my brother?”

Stance

This is a read that threw me off my chair in laughter and is one that I would certainly recommend. Great work, and continue writing!

Content/Plot: 7.8/10
Flow/Communication: 8.5/10
Language/Readability: 8/10
Overall: 8.1/10

7297011
Thanks for the review!

7297016
No problem! Thanks for the recommendation!

7297591
Anytime! Glad you enjoyed!

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