Story Synopsis:

Vignette Valencia was in a slump. She went mad with magical power, and as a result, she lost her job at Equestrialand.

However, while on the lookout for a new job, she gains something unexpected, from the person she thought would want nothing to do with her after everything was done.

Her name was Appletini, right?

Initial Thoughts: So, I’m already at a serious disadvantage, here. I haven’t kept up with EqG since the third movie (at least, I think it was third), and so I have watched very little of the actual specials. I had to look Vignette Valencia up on the fandom wiki to get a better idea of who she is. 

Based on this research, I actually thought it was interesting the chapters start with pound signs (sorry: hash tags). It goes well with Vignette’s characterization. 

In addition, at the time of writing, this story is incomplete and has posted only two chapters. So I’ll primarily be basing my thoughts on them. The summary will be based on those chapters as well.

Post-reading: Well, I think I learned a little about Vignette’s character, though how much is canon and how much is the author’s interpretation is unknown.

Summary (so far): Following the fiasco at Equestrialand (oh, Hasbro. Never change. But do, please, sometimes.), Vignette is out of luck when it comes to work and home. All that begins to change when Applejack offers her both: she’ll come live on the Apple Family Farm and work on it with her. Bits and pieces of Vignette’s past begin to crop up, though, setting up future conflict.

What Works:

I can’t speak for Vignette’s characterization, since I don’t know her at all, but from what the story reveals, it seems true enough. But arguably the strongest point is Applejack’s portrayal as the guiding figure throughout these two chapters. Even though the story is written from limited third-person, and from Vignette’s POV, enough of her observation bleeds through to paint Applejack in a confusing light (confusing for Vignette, that is). 

Speaking of Applejack, her characterization is pretty good so far. Committed to honesty and family, it makes sense why she wouldn’t hold much of a grudge towards Vignette (the wiki entry suggests she wouldn’t, either). Her willingness to help is believable, as is her simple sincerity when Vignette confronts her at the end of the second chapter. 

For some more technical insights: pacing felt adequate throughout. The short chapter lengths work with the narrative premise, and time is spent about equally with the action as much as it is with the introspection.

If I had to guess a pervasive theme that may show up throughout the piece, it’s that of overcoming ignorance and preconceptions, on the part of Vignette, that is. Her assumption on what the Apple family would eat was interesting, and I think the general idea of her overcoming her biases would be strong context for the story to provide. 

What Might Need Work:

While Applejack’s characterization overall was good, her dialogue was clunky. This isn’t necessarily because the dialogue was bad, but her accent was expressed in what felt was an exaggerated manner. Case in point, from the first chapter:

"Apple Bloom!" Applejack snapped. "Sorry 'bout dat, Vignette, she tends t' say ta first thing dat comes t' mind."

The bolded words are things I felt were just a tad bit too accentuated. I understand that writing a character with a southern drawl is a hit-or-miss situation, but here Applejack comes off as a parody of that accent rather than in possession of it. It’s worth mentioning that the southern drawl doesn’t have every word be accentuated or otherwise changed from common, vernacular English; as such, I would recommend that instances of “dat” and “ta” be replaced with their common “that” and “the”. The apostrophe-marked words work well enough to demonstrate the accent; anything else is excessive. 

The second chapter eased a bit away from this issue, but it still had its share of clunks. I had no problems with Vignette having an abusive past, since I can’t speak for that detail’s authenticity, but I did have issue with now only how it was presented, and how it was revealed to Applejack. 

A short dream sequence is nothing new, and while it’s tropey, it works in most cases. My issue is that it seems a bit rushed. Little characterization is available with the dream, which would be fine on its own, but when the dream is the catalyst for revealing this abusive past, it falls short on delivery. I would not advise necessarily on lengthening the dream, but rather to incorporate either more details into it; or, if that isn’t appealing, cut the dream entirely, and keep the whole abusive past as something that is hinted at throughout the story rather than fully revealed here. 

Moving on to the reveal to Applejack, I was confused by the transition. The hint that there was something wrong with Applejack lightly tapping her shoulder was well and good, but the explanation for it felt… well, it felt unnatural. Here’s the exchange:

"When I was younger, and being taught how to follow the family business, my cousins would jab my arms every time I got distracted. And I got distracted constantly."

"Ya grew up with yer cousins?" was Applejack's response.

Vignette flatly sighed. "Yes, and it was the worst time of my life."

"And when I jabbed ya during work," Applejack frowned. "It reminded ya of those times, didn't it?"

Vignette silently nodded and looked elsewhere.

I don’t really understand why Applejack’s initial response is to simply reiterate a small detail. I also get the sense that there’s supposed to be more in that response, beyond just words. If that’s the case, then extra detail would be necessary. How she looks, for instance, may be vital to hinting at what Applejack is actually thinking. 

Then there’s this series of lines:

"I'm sorry, Vignette, I didn't mean to upset you."

Vignette flinched and turned back to the country girl. "You dropped the accent?! I didn't know you could do that!"

"Took me years to figure out how to do it," Applejack snickered.

If I understand this situation correctly, this is calling back to Applejack (pony-Jack’s?) childhood in the big city, wherein she spoke with a different accent altogether. But Vignette’s dialogue here just sounds off. It’s less that she’s speaking and more that she’s reading a forced script. This might be a detail that was found in the special, but its delivery could be improved. 

Some thoughts I had for how this story might continue: Vignette’s past will clearly play a role, and I wonder if this past set up the basis for her own biases. I wonder, too, if there will be a theme of juxtaposed family dynamics, between the Valencias and the Apples. 

This is very helpful for me. I don't know how much I'll be able to do, but I'll try to keep your words in mind.

And while I'm at it, Vignette Valencia is the antagonist of the television special Rollercoaster of Friendship,

This is very helpful for me. I don't know how much I'll be able to do, but I'll try to keep your words in mind.

And while I'm at it, Vignette Valencia is the antagonist of the television special Rollercoaster of Friendship, serving as basically en evil, shallower version of Rarity.

The past thing was something of my own design: Vignette's never shown to have hidden depths in the special.