The Round-Robin Game 71 members · 0 stories
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You are Round Robin.

It is the Ninth Day of the Sixth Month of the Two Thousand and Twelfth Year, and it also happens to be your birthday. You don't really care though; nobody ever told you when you were born, because your parents died when you were young and the oompa-loompas tell you nothing with their stupid riddles.

You are short and fat and round, which probably is because of all the cake you eat, because you love cake. It also might explain why your parents would name you Round. What shitty parents they were. You're glad they died.

You never learned to fly, but that's because you don't have wings. You're a unicorn, doofus. That said, you never learnt magic either. Your parents died - did you forget? God, just how dumb are you?

You like metal. No, not that trashy emo shit - the material. Particularly iron. You love iron. Something about its cold, grey hardness fills you with glee every time you look at anything made of iron, which, sadly, is not often enough. The reason for this is because you live two hundred metres in the air in a fucking tree house.

Being in a tree house has its advantages though; you can see just about everything.

EVERYTHING.

You use your binoculars and take a look around.

To the North, you see trees.
To the East, you see trees.
To the West, you see trees.
To the South, you see two elephants getting it on, and despite your hatred of elephants, they somehow managed to get a rise out of you. And also you see trees.

There is nothing more disgusting to you than two elephants getting it on, so with your trusty AK-47, you leave your tree house for the first time ever, going forth into the unknown (it's just trees, come off it) to deal swift justice to these Hephalumps.

after killing one of the elephants, you bring it home for you and your little sister silverspoon to have for dinner. the two of you had hardly left the treehouse for quite some time because little silver had just recently gotten her cutie mark in silver smithing, and being an iron smith yourself, you had wanted to be her teacher.

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You start by skinning the elephant.
Then you marinate it in your secret sauce, which really is secret.
But then you have to wait for the sauce to soak in, so you get bored fast.

As you wait for the sauce to sink in, you-
Wait, what? You're actually gonna eat an elephant with Silver Spoon?

Fuck that, everypony knows that ponies can only eat hippopotamus. Elephants taste like crap. Only the oompa-loompas can even bear to look at their hideous, disgusting meat, much less eat the stuff.

But all that special sauce... wasted. You cry for a little bit - special sauce takes so long to make, and so much hardship, and SO MANY OOMPA-LOOMPAS MURDE- So much effort.

Seriously, what the hell were you thinking when you did that? Stupid. Dumb. Dumb stupid dumb.

Idiot.

You yell out for Silver Spoon, but she appears to be missing. Oh, that's right - her not being here was why you looked outside in the first place, and those Hephalumps just got you so angry you forgot all about her.

Actually knowing what you're looking for now, you get your binoculars and observe the outside world once more.

...

There's still just a crapload of trees. That was incredibly useless.

It looks like you'll just have to go find her.

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