AbsoluteAnonymous was very bored. She had already appeased the masses with her masterpieces, but now she had nothing to do. On a burst of inspiration rivalling motivational speakers, she decided to visit the Jersey Shore. So she called up her friend Trixie ( the great and powerful) and they drove to Jersey.
While she was writing, she came to a sudden realisation that, despite all of her previous writings, she had far larger aspirations in life.
She'd been inspired by My Little Pony far more than one might think; her dreams, higher than writing, were an amalgamation of everything the Mane 6 were, plus a couple of background ponies as well.
From Twilight Sparkle, AbsoluteAnonymous derived an intense desire for friendship and the abilities that come with unicornhood.
Rainbow Dash reminded her of her childhood desire to fly, and with a new pair of cardboard wings, that dream was now closer than ever to becoming real.
Applejack gave her a burning need to farm fruit; she hated apples, however, and decided that yes, mangoes were best fruit, and began an orchard.
She identified with Rarity's commitment to her friends and her work, and created a philosophy that years later, after her death as a kindly old lady, became the World's Number 1 religion - She spread peace throughout the world, and from her generous heart, world hunger was ended through enormous gifts of mangoes to the needy.
Fluttershy made her not just generous, but kind and adorable, and through her previous achievements she was made president of the world.
And then she found herself inspired by Pinkamena Diane Pie.
She then dyed her hair pink, stole a party bus, ran over an innocent flower garden, apologized, made cupcakes, wrote several trollfics, solved world hunger, created world peace, and then flew to the moon, because, y'know, why not.
She said, before breaking out into a song'n'dance routine in the middle of a busy intersection.
There, a profound peace found all who watched her; from ballet, to jig to whatever the Chinese do, she danced, and she sang, and all who heard her voice and saw her graceful leaps and acrobatic pirouettes stopped driving in awe of her, and she was not hit by bus, nor truck, nor anything moving faster than 3 miles an hour.
But then one of the creepy stalker fans found her, dancing and singing, and she became afraid.
Again, however, no misfortune found her - he bought her a sandwich and went on his merry way.
as the fan left, claiming he was late for something, she sat down to enjoy her sandwich. it looked delicious and she was quite hungry. taking a large bite at of it she was surprised by its taste. this tastes like chloroform was her last thought before things went dark. she thought she could here the voice of the fan who had just left. "its gonna be alright AA, im your biggest fan."
She woke up in a dark room, her hands suprisingly unbound. She got up from the rather comfortable bed she had been laying on and searched for a light switch. She thought she bumped into a couch or something, but for some reason the furniture moved after she'd hit it. She found the switch and hit it, unprepared for what would follow. SURPRISE! All of her fans, hundreds of ponyfic writers, were there, clad in pony costumes. One seemed to be dressed up exactly like AA though, and she was a bit perturbed seeing as he was a guy. But she threw caution to the wind and...
Used her author powers to write herself out of there. Appearing in the middle of a Brony convention, she ran toward the nearest exit, just as the masses of AA fans realized who that was. She then hijacked a car and drove, all the way to Equestria.
Arriving in Equestria, AA's first encounter was Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who were sitting beside a tree talking. She walked towards them to say hi, but... they started making out!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, and got back in her car and drove to Canterlot, trying to forget the horrible memory.
In all her life, Absolute had never felt so angry. All the hating individuals, all the insults, all the people talking in the theatres had never made her blood boil as much as this. Alicorns, alicorns everywhere. They surrounded her and they seemed so wild-eyed and so smug at their newfound powers, but she knew what they really were. They were fanatics and fools, prancing about with their insane ideas and their appalling writing skills and their self-assured sense of superiority. All their escapist nonsense came flooding back, pouring to the forefront of her mind. They were the plague, and they made her angry.
The girl, righteous fury coursing through her heart, thrust her hand into the air, palm outstretched. Her impassioned voice echoed throughout the city, into the heavens, and brought the gods crashing to their knees in awe. Truly, this girl was a worthy champion, with a soul as strong and pure as unconquerable glaciers. So touched by her words, they granted her a gift. In a flash, a mighty weapon - forged in the fires of the earth's core - appeared in her palm. It was Murderswag, the thunder axe and bass guitar of the celestial rulers. Graciously accepting the gift, Absolute Anonymous curled her fingers around it and reached into her pocket. A pair of shades soon adorned her face.
She allowed herself a wry smirk at the events to come. "It's smiting time."
She looked upon the monstrosity in complete disgust. "You. You get murder-sploded first." And then she began to play her instrument of metal, thunder, and death. And it was beautiful. After smiting and destroying the Monsters that had plagued Equestria, she began to think about her day. Oh. She had forgotten something. What was it again?
the wild eyed alicorn approached Absolute, offering a toothy smile. "you must join us." it said, leaning its head down and sending a spark of magic from all six horns to hit Absolute. as the sparks of magic sink into her skin, Absolute starts to feel a strange sensation all over. suddenly a horn sprouts from her head and a large "OC" showing up on her flank. "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"But... but I just defeated you!" she gasped, feeling the new addition to her forehead. Her sunglasses were gone, her mane was now a garish shade of purple, and she looked like something from GeneralZoi's Pony Creator, but somehow her swag had survived the transformation and was still firmly in place. She turned the full force of it on the multicorn that had done this to her, and sent him howling into the Abyss of the Totally Lame, Man.
"There, now that I've killed him twice," she groused. She thought for a minute. She needed someone who wouldn't run away in horror and disgust from painful color combinations, canon-destroying horns, and confusing and nonsensical cutie marks. What she needed was another fanfiction writer to free her from the body of Donut Steele. What she needed was... Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight backed into the corner, desperately trying to block out the outburst, when Murderswag smashed the top half of the library off. AA arrived in an explosion of sheer awesomeness, blinding the other OC's for life, yo.
"TWILIGHT," she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, "I REQUEST AN AUDIENCE."
Unfortunately for all involved, the sheer awesomeness of Murderswag combined with the use of the Royal Canterlot Voice created what was probably the ultimate attack in existence, and subsequently everyone in the library was killed.
"For heaven's sake!" AA cried in exasperation, but seeing the self-insert alicorns lying dead cheered her up, and she went on her merry way. She'd just have to find some other fanfic writer to help her.
Elsewhere, a cold wind whispered across the grass. Two cloaked ponies sat within a stone circle in the darkness, their faces betrayed by the pale light of the crystal ball resting between them.
The blue one batted a few strands of iridescent hair from her eyes and looked at the other inquisitively. "Okay, that was pretty awesome, but is it over already?"
"Of course not, silly!" the pink one giggled. "It's only just beginning. Soon enough, no matter what she does. . . AA will be ours."
AbsoluteAnonymous was very bored. She had already appeased the masses with her masterpieces, but now she had nothing to do. On a burst of inspiration rivalling motivational speakers, she decided to visit the Jersey Shore. So she called up her friend Trixie ( the great and powerful) and they drove to Jersey.
She was followed by creepy stalker fans, who happened to feel extra stalkerish.
When all of the sudden, she goes on hiatus! except not really, because she continues writing
While she was writing, she came to a sudden realisation that, despite all of her previous writings, she had far larger aspirations in life.
She'd been inspired by My Little Pony far more than one might think; her dreams, higher than writing, were an amalgamation of everything the Mane 6 were, plus a couple of background ponies as well.
From Twilight Sparkle, AbsoluteAnonymous derived an intense desire for friendship and the abilities that come with unicornhood.
Rainbow Dash reminded her of her childhood desire to fly, and with a new pair of cardboard wings, that dream was now closer than ever to becoming real.
Applejack gave her a burning need to farm fruit; she hated apples, however, and decided that yes, mangoes were best fruit, and began an orchard.
She identified with Rarity's commitment to her friends and her work, and created a philosophy that years later, after her death as a kindly old lady, became the World's Number 1 religion - She spread peace throughout the world, and from her generous heart, world hunger was ended through enormous gifts of mangoes to the needy.
Fluttershy made her not just generous, but kind and adorable, and through her previous achievements she was made president of the world.
And then she found herself inspired by Pinkamena Diane Pie.
She then dyed her hair pink, stole a party bus, ran over an innocent flower garden, apologized, made cupcakes, wrote several trollfics, solved world hunger, created world peace, and then flew to the moon, because, y'know, why not.
There's something wrong with y'all.
She said, before breaking out into a song'n'dance routine in the middle of a busy intersection.
There, a profound peace found all who watched her; from ballet, to jig to whatever the Chinese do, she danced, and she sang, and all who heard her voice and saw her graceful leaps and acrobatic pirouettes stopped driving in awe of her, and she was not hit by bus, nor truck, nor anything moving faster than 3 miles an hour.
But then one of the creepy stalker fans found her, dancing and singing, and she became afraid.
Again, however, no misfortune found her - he bought her a sandwich and went on his merry way.
as the fan left, claiming he was late for something, she sat down to enjoy her sandwich. it looked delicious and she was quite hungry. taking a large bite at of it she was surprised by its taste.
this tastes like chloroform was her last thought before things went dark. she thought she could here the voice of the fan who had just left.
"its gonna be alright AA, im your biggest fan."
She woke up in a dark room, her hands suprisingly unbound. She got up from the rather comfortable bed she had been laying on and searched for a light switch. She thought she bumped into a couch or something, but for some reason the furniture moved after she'd hit it.
She found the switch and hit it, unprepared for what would follow.
SURPRISE!
All of her fans, hundreds of ponyfic writers, were there, clad in pony costumes. One seemed to be dressed up exactly like AA though, and she was a bit perturbed seeing as he was a guy.
But she threw caution to the wind and...
Used her author powers to write herself out of there. Appearing in the middle of a Brony convention, she ran toward the nearest exit, just as the masses of AA fans realized who that was. She then hijacked a car and drove, all the way to Equestria.
Arriving in Equestria, AA's first encounter was Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash, who were sitting beside a tree talking. She walked towards them to say hi, but... they started making out!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, and got back in her car and drove to Canterlot, trying to forget the horrible memory.
Where the fans in the bad HiE fics were already waiting for her.
(They were also all alicorns)
"No," she said, frowning. "I've had enough..."
In all her life, Absolute had never felt so angry. All the hating individuals, all the insults, all the people talking in the theatres had never made her blood boil as much as this. Alicorns, alicorns everywhere. They surrounded her and they seemed so wild-eyed and so smug at their newfound powers, but she knew what they really were. They were fanatics and fools, prancing about with their insane ideas and their appalling writing skills and their self-assured sense of superiority. All their escapist nonsense came flooding back, pouring to the forefront of her mind. They were the plague, and they made her angry.
She pointed a finger at them. "You!" They turned. "All of you may have used you evolution-given powers to write and shape yourselves into these forms, to live out a fantasy. You may have gifted yourselves with the powers of gods, the forms of divine royalty and come here to make Equestria your playground, but you're nothing! You think you can waltz in here, spoil this land and force yourselves upon the peaceful, beautiful world of Equestria? I won't allow it! You may be confident in your alicorn bodies and your disgustingly-written self-inserts let you have everything your way, but this won't be one of them and your powers are nothing against me! I'm the unpredictable variable and I won't let you continue to desecrate all that I hold dear. This land and these ponies are something I've come to love and respect, and thought this speech is almost as cliché as the trite you write, I will vanquish you!"
The girl, righteous fury coursing through her heart, thrust her hand into the air, palm outstretched. Her impassioned voice echoed throughout the city, into the heavens, and brought the gods crashing to their knees in awe. Truly, this girl was a worthy champion, with a soul as strong and pure as unconquerable glaciers. So touched by her words, they granted her a gift. In a flash, a mighty weapon - forged in the fires of the earth's core - appeared in her palm. It was Murderswag, the thunder axe and bass guitar of the celestial rulers. Graciously accepting the gift, Absolute Anonymous curled her fingers around it and reached into her pocket. A pair of shades soon adorned her face.
She allowed herself a wry smirk at the events to come. "It's smiting time."
And then the ultimate alicorn of them all came into the fray.
It had six horns, six wings, and six cutie marks.
She looked upon the monstrosity in complete disgust. "You. You get murder-sploded first." And then she began to play her instrument of metal, thunder, and death. And it was beautiful. After smiting and destroying the Monsters that had plagued Equestria, she began to think about her day.
Oh.
She had forgotten something.
What was it again?
the wild eyed alicorn approached Absolute, offering a toothy smile. "you must join us." it said, leaning its head down and sending a spark of magic from all six horns to hit Absolute.
as the sparks of magic sink into her skin, Absolute starts to feel a strange sensation all over. suddenly a horn sprouts from her head and a large "OC" showing up on her flank.
"noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"But... but I just defeated you!" she gasped, feeling the new addition to her forehead. Her sunglasses were gone, her mane was now a garish shade of purple, and she looked like something from GeneralZoi's Pony Creator, but somehow her swag had survived the transformation and was still firmly in place. She turned the full force of it on the multicorn that had done this to her, and sent him howling into the Abyss of the Totally Lame, Man.
"There, now that I've killed him twice," she groused. She thought for a minute. She needed someone who wouldn't run away in horror and disgust from painful color combinations, canon-destroying horns, and confusing and nonsensical cutie marks. What she needed was another fanfiction writer to free her from the body of Donut Steele. What she needed was... Twilight Sparkle.
*time lapse, at Twilight's library*
"Who is it Spike?"
"Just another one o' those self-insert alicorns, Twilight,"
"Ugh, will they ever leave us alone?"
And just as Twilight dealt with one, ten more came in, wanting to meet her.
Twilight backed into the corner, desperately trying to block out the outburst, when Murderswag smashed the top half of the library off. AA arrived in an explosion of sheer awesomeness, blinding the other OC's for life, yo.
"TWILIGHT," she shouted in the Royal Canterlot Voice, "I REQUEST AN AUDIENCE."
Unfortunately for all involved, the sheer awesomeness of Murderswag combined with the use of the Royal Canterlot Voice created what was probably the ultimate attack in existence, and subsequently everyone in the library was killed.
"For heaven's sake!" AA cried in exasperation, but seeing the self-insert alicorns lying dead cheered her up, and she went on her merry way. She'd just have to find some other fanfic writer to help her.
(Including Twilight who found a book on the subject.)
The blood soaked into the ground, revitalizing Discord.
Elsewhere, a cold wind whispered across the grass. Two cloaked ponies sat within a stone circle in the darkness, their faces betrayed by the pale light of the crystal ball resting between them.
The blue one batted a few strands of iridescent hair from her eyes and looked at the other inquisitively. "Okay, that was pretty awesome, but is it over already?"
"Of course not, silly!" the pink one giggled. "It's only just beginning. Soon enough, no matter what she does. . . AA will be ours."