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80% finished with my rough draft. It's a Contemplation / Through Corona's eyes fic. It goes into her fall (as she sees it Luna's fall) [Sombra and the Nightmare Door, Tia's maneuvering the court away from her sister, seeing the state of the nation, and finally her ruined coronation / EoH friendship blasting her and NightmareClone] , When she see's Cadance in An Early Reunion, her arrival in Ponyville and her "big arrival", and the fight against Grogar in The Return of Tambelon.

I'd like someone to look it over, and help me fix anything that is counter canon, and help me make it awesome. Anyone interested in pre-reading / editing can join.

Here's the story link.

Talon and Thorn
Group Contributor

3417875

I'm having a look, you might want to set it to comments only to stop unsavoury types ruining it. As this allow temporary alterations to the text anyway.

Talon and Thorn
Group Contributor

3417875

Ok, looked at it, not bad, I'm not sure if it'll make canon, the fate of the crystal empire is very different in the L-verse, but I don't think that that needs to stop you as non-canon stories can be just as fun.

Maybe you could give Sombra more of a reason to break away from Equestria rather than he's evil. Perhaps he's not happy with the balance of power between the Empire and Equestria, we protect them with the heart, what have the Equestrian's ever done for us?

Now I'm not a canon expert but I think the Crystal Empire purging was one of the later events in Celestia's fall. I think you've written Luna and Celestia as to relaxed. At this point Celestia should be fairly paranoid and Luna should be withdrawn and dosing on Dark Magic.

Not sure that the old English works well in this situation, I think it makes it hard to read for no reason.

GrassAndClouds2
Group Admin

Luna wasn't at the Sombra-Celestia confrontation, and there wasn't any meeting between Sombra and Celestia. Also, the crystal empire wasn't banished. RDD put up a brief history of that conflict a long time ago, in this thread and this post 491503 :

1,000 years ago (give or take, there's clearly a give-or-take with these things), King Sombra did his thing, angry at the fact that he could only speak in monster-noises (or maybe something with more gravitas, but whatever). In the Lunaverse, Celestia went to deal with the situation *herself,* leaving Luna out of the loop until it was all over. Celestia solved the problem with Sombra...violently, and with only limited regard for the fallout of her attack. To the point where the crystal ponies wished that she hadn't even shown up at all and left them to somehow deal with the problem themselves.
In this timeline, the Empire never disappeared. Sorry, Sombra, but sooner or later I'm going to do "Tambelon" and there's too many similarities between the Crystal Empire reappearing and Tambelon reappearing for me to want that story to be told twice. Celestia's actions up north pretty much ruined Equestria's reputation within the Empire and they didn't want anything to do with Equestria anymore.
A long-standing ally turning into a resentful foreign nation practically overnight clued Luna in to what had happened (Celestia had been evasive); while Celestia, in her paranoia, felt that the treacherous, ungrateful crystal ponies might attack Equestria, or even worse ally with the Griffin Empire and then attack Equestria. So she ordered the mass relocation of ponies from the northern provinces that's mentioned in "An Early Reunion." From there, history proceeds as described in "Symphony of the Moon and Sun."
The Crystal Empire did not ally with the griffins, nor attack Equestria. It remained resentful of Equestria for many years afterwards, but Luna has managed by now to normalize relations with the Empire. Today it's back to being a steadfast ally of Equestria - though it's also, along with Cavallia, one of the few outside nations that understands just how dangerous Corona truly is to the entire world (and not just Equestria).

There were some other interesting ideas in the thread--Emeral mentioned how maybe the relations between Equestria and the Crystal Empire might never have repaired, which I think could be used to interesting effect later on if we go that route.

3418337

Yeah, I suck at olde english, and in the canon [FimVerse] Tia and Luna were talking in normal english. So I'll go back and fix it. Also ... I really, really, really want to make a canon L!Verse fic. It'd be a huge accomplishment. Also how do I make it comment only [the fic]?


3418863

So how much before then does Tia start pushing Luna out of the court? And what was her original turning point for her paranoia? That'd be greatly important.

GrassAndClouds2
Group Admin

3419314 : The actual rebellion RDD discussed here: 2245781

As for before... I don't know that we've ever established it exactly how long it was. But basically, IIRC, Celestia just became gradually overburdened by taking on all of Equestria's monstrous enemies on her own. Luna withdrew into dark magic and her own little world, Celestia degenerated, and eventually began to seize control of the government (in the 'Day Court does stuff without consulting with Luna' sense). Eventually Luna learns about the destruction of the Crystal Empire's capital, and Celestia's mass relocation order (which itself would kill tens of thousands of ponies), and rebels.

3419380

Ah! So it was after Celestia maneuvering Luna to be out of the court, and removing her from rule. In her own twisted sense of protecting her sister. And if it was from being overburdened from fighting the monsters alone (I thought it was both of them who fought the monsters to see them come back over and over again? Or was that after their joint battles?)

So ... wow ... I need to change parts of my fic now. But OH SNAP! That will be epic to write through the eyes of Tia now that I have a building block to work off of. And the battle durring her coronation [symphony of the sun and moon] and the aftermath of the battle. That'd be so much fun to write.

Um ... since that is your fic, may I use it as a reference point? I'll PM you the scene when I get to it. So that it can be as close to your canon as possible.

GrassAndClouds2
Group Admin

3419469 : Sure, feel free to use SfM&S for whatever you need.

3419478

Yoish! Thanks, honestly that song was amazing, and Luna's comments on it in each failed iteration was inspired. I'll be sure to link that fic when I post it as well. If a person hasn't read it yet they should ^_^.

3419478
3418167

Finished with the rough draft 2.0. Still need to hammer out the schooling thing with Talon, but any pointers to making it more canon would be helpful. I'm actually a little nervous since the fic is experimental for me.

But I think I was loyal to the frame work presented and made it believable considering Celestia's megalomaniacal, messiah complex, off-kilter mindset.

Oh, and thanks for y'alls help so far. It's been a great help ^_^.

Talon and Thorn
Group Contributor

3422994

Ok, I've gone through it again, it fits better with 'canon' although it may not be exactly how RDD envisioned it going down.

Not sure if you've got Celestia's tone down here. She seems too informal compared to what I expected.

3424740

I'm going to go through everything later today / early tomorrow [clearing up a few fics I have open]. But yeah how I see it, she wouldn't be formal to herself since formality like "The Canterlot Royal Voice", or "The Royal We" that Luna used. As something she does when interacting with society as a whole, or when out in the open.

With Luna, Sombra, those she is close to or she needs to make feel safer (Element of Kindness) she has varying levels of informality (Ruler / student, and Sister: she'd be more informal than with the guards whom she was kind to (After all she sees herself as the bastion of kindness and generosity) she talks to them in a pleasing, open-ish manner. But those are all we really see her interact with in the fic.

And I don't see her as being formal to herself. Since she doesn't need to hide behind etiquette and protocols to herself. But yeah I'll be looking through it tomorrow, and fixing stuff that pops up. Thank you :twilightsmile:.

3424740

Fixed a lot of it. Oh, and that Rock Off quip was hilarious.

3424740
3419478

May you two give it one last scan through? See if it's ready for uploading? Thank you both very much for your time, contributions, and help. Hopefully I can meet my goal of getting full to 1/2 canon, and get this as either a short webisode, or a S2 tie-in/movie.

Talon and Thorn
Group Contributor

3441720

Ok, I've gone through it, it's good. However, I'm not sure it will make Canon, I think RDD may see the events a little differently. However, it ultimately up to the Quorum as to the final decision and not making canon should defiantly not be considered any kind of failure.

3442483

And that's really my own biggest problem in that it's an accomplishment that I've set for myself to some day make a fic good enough to land on cannon. Since it'd mean that my fic was as awesome as the other esteemed authors that have their fics as part of the canon universe.

Probably why I'm a tad over OCD, and go into tons of detail / questions, and thoughts when it comes to making a fic in this AU. But nonetheless I'll post it up tomorrow and I'll have my fingers crossed.

Talon and Thorn
Group Contributor

3443141

I think the thing to split in your mind is 'good enough' and 'canon'

To be canon a story has to fit into a certain line line / world view / characters / etc but it has nothing to say about how good it is.

A story could be marviously written, deep, insightful but because it has Trixie dying before she comes to Ponyville it wouldn't be canon (A rather big difference to canon but hang with me here) alternatively a story could be bland and poorly written but fit into the L-verse and be canon.

The important thing is to write what you think is the best story you can and what you want to write. If it becomes canon it's just the icing on the cake, you shouldn't be writing a story just to say I wrote a canon story if you don't want to write that story in the first place.

3443616

Good point :twilightsheepish:, didn't think of it that way. Thank you :raritystarry:.

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