From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates. And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example: “Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.
Present each piece of evidence. For example: “During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example: “Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
(…)
For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.
Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.
“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”
“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”
“Larry knew he was a dead man…”
Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.”
What works for one writer does not necessarily work for all writers. Fight Club guy can do whatever the hell he wants, I'll write what feels right for MY work.
2483480 Interesting advice. Though, honestly, Chuck Palahniuk could stand to be a better writer himself, and this sounds a great deal like one of those "fad edits" like taking out all adverbs or using only "said" that crop up every now and again but can be thoroughly ignored. Especially since great works of literature (YMMV) such as Catcher in the Rye and Catch-22 use "thought" verbs often.
I'm not ever coming around here, laying down the law, saying this is how to write. I just enjoy sharing advice and like to give others the chance to make attempts at improvement, because your writing is a representation of you, and it never stops evolving. Now this was intended as an exercise, and the challenge has a finite end, so its not intended to say that you should never use "thought" words, but have a better understanding of how and when things need to be described
2483562 I wasn't as much directing my criticism at you as the advice itself. I appreciate your efforts and all, and encourage you to post more of these as they will surely help some writers, if not myself.
Comment posted by MythrilMoth deleted Dec 30th, 2013
2483562 No need to be defensive. It's not like it's YOU personally suggesting this. Now, as to the part about "giving others the chance to make attempts at improvement"? That IS a bit pretentious. and you can believe some of us (namely me) will slap you down for that.
2483480 Yeah, I'm not in total agreement with this. It's a great exercise and unpacking ideas is certainly important, but if you do it again and again without letting the reader pause for breath then your work can easily push into the territories of purple prose.
2483575 I enjoyed reading this because it elicits the number one problem facing writers: Understanding that what you write is the only means of communication to the audience, and the settings and story you have imagined in your head can only be communicated through your words. Often times writers can get frustrated when the reader "just doesn't get it", most often its because they forget that the audience has a different perspective than the author.
I can see this being a situational tool, but little else. And really only when you're describing someone's thoughts or feelings about someone else. It wouldn't be a good idea to use this all the time. Such as in this statement
The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.
There were so many comma breaks in this that I could hardly follow the continuity. Not to mention the main point is hard to grasp. If this technique is used all the time in writing, readers would have to slog through paragraphs of flowery prose and, frankly, useless info.
Now, back to what I said about it being situational. It can work out if nothing intense or immediate is going on. But in an action or fight scene, the pacing would be all off. At times like those, you need short bursts like "John knew he was a dead man."
2483607 Which is a good idea, but poorly-executed by Chuck here. The idea of eliminating ALL thought verbs is preposterous and ridiculous. It only adds wordiness to scenes where it is not needed. Not that most authors wouldn't benefit from deleting some, but throwing them all away is just going to make a book weaker. Sometimes telling is better than showing.
2483588 You know the weird thing about pretension? You don't see it that way until its shone in that light.
I was just saying how you're always gonna get better, but people (me included) get stuck in a rut, and thinking they are already pretty damn good. Sometimes you need to be humbled in order to see that you don't know everything, that others can put it more eloquently.
That's when I say, "You know what? You aren't good enough, you need to be hungry, to be unsatisfied, to be better."
2483676 I understand that you are a different human being with different opinions and values, and I will respect them, all that I ask is that you do the same
Purple Prose... I've had 2 experiences with such a style, "Twilight" and more recently "Lolita". Neither were particularly enjoyable reading experiences. (At least Twilight had a dull premise to begin with that I could skim through- Lolita had a more interesting premise but much of the book was Humbert going on and on about details that I just got annoyed and wanted to shout "GET BACK TO THE STORY ALREADY!")
2483739 You didn't really answer the question I had been asking (at least not intentionally) I'm assuming that purple prose is a very verbose and lengthy method of storytelling with long tangents.
Trust me, nothing will compare to Moby Dick, entire chapters devoted to the industry of whale hunting
2483765 Purple prose is when a writer spends 10 pages going into excessive detail that does little but bog down the pace of the story, when a skilled writer can get the job done in 2.
2483824 Yes, and? It's not pretentious to say that a skilled writer can do in two pages what a purple prose fiend does in 10, because I never made a personal claim on the matter, nor did I say so in a tone that could be misconstrued as condescending or pretentious. Purple prose is frequently employed by novice writers or self-important hacks to attempt to inflate the worth of their material.
There's no end to critical analyses of purple prose, if you care to research the issue.
2483864 See? We both attributed behavior and reasons for behavior behind simple texts, I was just reminded you how easy it is assume the intentions of others.
2483480 Interesting ideas. I use what I feel best suits the situation in the story, including the old purple prose. I think it depends on the mindset and the settings and how the author wants to create the scene for the benefit of the reader. Does he or she want the reader to know exactly what is going on or do they want them to use their imagination? It depends. A writer can't go wrong, but there is the possibility of offering too much information given the situation.
Good advice for aspiring writers as they work on their personal writing techniques.
2483480 I am incredibly guilty of using filler words (thought, wondered, saw, realised, remembered, knew....). It's something I've been trying to change. Although I do feel like cutting them all would make the story drag on too long. "Show don't tell" becomes a chore to read after a certain point, think. (Woops, there I go again.)
Also, something bothers me:
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
Particularly that last sentence. See, I prefer first person to third person. First person is exactly about going inside a character's head. And when the character notes to him-/herself that s/he remembered something, that's exactly what I write, not a long arbitrary flashback to what s/he's remembering.
I've always preferred to strike a balance between the detailed descriptions and the brief and to the point descriptions, and not put in so much detail that it slows down the story.
Among other things I tend to try and keep a story slightly disengaged from any character no matter how close to their personal view of the world it gets, so that it intentionally comes across as a narrator telling the reader what sort of things the character is thinking or is more like watching a character driven show or playing a story driven game, than actually saying what the character is thinking, unless a mind reader is present in which case the decision to outright state the character's thoughts makes perfect sense to me.
If it matters that such details be described I'll put them in, sure, but if not I don't by any stretch want to cause this:
From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.
The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.
Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”
Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The
mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”
Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.
Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”
In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.
Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.
For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”
Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.
If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.
Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.
Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”
Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.
Present each piece of evidence. For example: “During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”
One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.
For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”
A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”
A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.
Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.
No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”
Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”
Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.
Better yet, get your character with another character, fast.
Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.
And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”
For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”
“Ann has blue eyes.”
Versus:
“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”
Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.
And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”
Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.
(…)
For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.
Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.
“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”
“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”
“Larry knew he was a dead man…”
Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.”
(via tumblr
What works for one writer does not necessarily work for all writers. Fight Club guy can do whatever the hell he wants, I'll write what feels right for MY work.
2483480
Interesting advice. Though, honestly, Chuck Palahniuk could stand to be a better writer himself, and this sounds a great deal like one of those "fad edits" like taking out all adverbs or using only "said" that crop up every now and again but can be thoroughly ignored. Especially since great works of literature (YMMV) such as Catcher in the Rye and Catch-22 use "thought" verbs often.
2483522
True that. Also, you forgot to press the reply button.
2483543 Hitting reply is not obligatory.
2483522
2483536
I'm not ever coming around here, laying down the law, saying this is how to write. I just enjoy sharing advice and like to give others the chance to make attempts at improvement, because your writing is a representation of you, and it never stops evolving. Now this was intended as an exercise, and the challenge has a finite end, so its not intended to say that you should never use "thought" words, but have a better understanding of how and when things need to be described
2483554
Okay.
2483562
I wasn't as much directing my criticism at you as the advice itself. I appreciate your efforts and all, and encourage you to post more of these as they will surely help some writers, if not myself.
2483480 This is fucking insane. I love it!
2483562 No need to be defensive. It's not like it's YOU personally suggesting this. Now, as to the part about "giving others the chance to make attempts at improvement"? That IS a bit pretentious. and you can believe some of us (namely me) will slap you down for that.
2483480 Would you mind copying this thread and messaging it to me? I don't want to forget what you've said.
2483480
Yeah, I'm not in total agreement with this. It's a great exercise and unpacking ideas is certainly important, but if you do it again and again without letting the reader pause for breath then your work can easily push into the territories of purple prose.
2483575
I enjoyed reading this because it elicits the number one problem facing writers: Understanding that what you write is the only means of communication to the audience, and the settings and story you have imagined in your head can only be communicated through your words. Often times writers can get frustrated when the reader "just doesn't get it", most often its because they forget that the audience has a different perspective than the author.
2483480
I can see this being a situational tool, but little else. And really only when you're describing someone's thoughts or feelings about someone else. It wouldn't be a good idea to use this all the time. Such as in this statement
There were so many comma breaks in this that I could hardly follow the continuity. Not to mention the main point is hard to grasp. If this technique is used all the time in writing, readers would have to slog through paragraphs of flowery prose and, frankly, useless info.
Now, back to what I said about it being situational. It can work out if nothing intense or immediate is going on. But in an action or fight scene, the pacing would be all off. At times like those, you need short bursts like "John knew he was a dead man."
Or maybe I'm just really lazy. Who knows?
2483480
(Reads post)

(Looks at current draft)
(Mentally goes over ideas/projects)
...
Interestingly, when I used to try and follow this advice I'd get slapped down for purple prose.
2483607
Which is a good idea, but poorly-executed by Chuck here. The idea of eliminating ALL thought verbs is preposterous and ridiculous. It only adds wordiness to scenes where it is not needed. Not that most authors wouldn't benefit from deleting some, but throwing them all away is just going to make a book weaker. Sometimes telling is better than showing.
2483616 Or you can just ignore it. It's not especially good advice, and it comes from the author of Fight Club, who is rather overrated.
2483588
You know the weird thing about pretension? You don't see it that way until its shone in that light.
I was just saying how you're always gonna get better, but people (me included) get stuck in a rut, and thinking they are already pretty damn good. Sometimes you need to be humbled in order to see that you don't know everything, that others can put it more eloquently.
That's when I say, "You know what? You aren't good enough, you need to be hungry, to be unsatisfied, to be better."
2483662 And advising people to write reams of purple prose is somehow supposed to make them better writers? Well alright then.
2483653
for Purple Prose, or by Purple Prose.
I swear there was a user called that
2483676
I understand that you are a different human being with different opinions and values, and I will respect them, all that I ask is that you do the same
2483687 Sorry, it's just that your pretentious tone earlier is gnawing at my intestines. :/
2483522 Guts though...
2483697
It was unintentional I swear, I was hoping I adequately explained my comment, I apologize if that didn't satisfy you.
2483712 Yeah, I get it. Don't sweat it.
2483679
Purple Prose... I've had 2 experiences with such a style, "Twilight" and more recently "Lolita". Neither were particularly enjoyable reading experiences. (At least Twilight had a dull premise to begin with that I could skim through- Lolita had a more interesting premise but much of the book was Humbert going on and on about details that I just got annoyed and wanted to shout "GET BACK TO THE STORY ALREADY!")
Eh, probably just a preference thing.
2483739
You didn't really answer the question I had been asking (at least not intentionally)
I'm assuming that purple prose is a very verbose and lengthy method of storytelling with long tangents.
Trust me, nothing will compare to Moby Dick, entire chapters devoted to the industry of whale hunting
2483554
But extremely helpful
2483765 Purple prose is when a writer spends 10 pages going into excessive detail that does little but bog down the pace of the story, when a skilled writer can get the job done in 2.
2483810
Just remember what your what you're first comment to me was.
Moby Dick was pretty blooby
2483824 Yes, and? It's not pretentious to say that a skilled writer can do in two pages what a purple prose fiend does in 10, because I never made a personal claim on the matter, nor did I say so in a tone that could be misconstrued as condescending or pretentious. Purple prose is frequently employed by novice writers or self-important hacks to attempt to inflate the worth of their material.
There's no end to critical analyses of purple prose, if you care to research the issue.
2483864
See? We both attributed behavior and reasons for behavior behind simple texts, I was just reminded you how easy it is assume the intentions of others.
SKETCH STORM OUT
For, not by.
I'm a Lovecraft fan. Purple prose complaints are oft overplayed in my opinion, but advice like Palahniuk's adds to them.
2483480
Eh, I'll pass. At least for now, I don't feel any need to be a better writer than I already am.
2483480 Interesting ideas. I use what I feel best suits the situation in the story, including the old purple prose. I think it depends on the mindset and the settings and how the author wants to create the scene for the benefit of the reader. Does he or she want the reader to know exactly what is going on or do they want them to use their imagination? It depends. A writer can't go wrong, but there is the possibility of offering too much information given the situation.
Good advice for aspiring writers as they work on their personal writing techniques.
2483480
I think you'll hate me.
I didn't read.
2483480
I am incredibly guilty of using filler words (thought, wondered, saw, realised, remembered, knew....). It's something I've been trying to change. Although I do feel like cutting them all would make the story drag on too long. "Show don't tell" becomes a chore to read after a certain point, think. (Woops, there I go again.)
Also, something bothers me:
Particularly that last sentence. See, I prefer first person to third person. First person is exactly about going inside a character's head. And when the character notes to him-/herself that s/he remembered something, that's exactly what I write, not a long arbitrary flashback to what s/he's remembering.
2483480
Taking writing advice from Chuck Palaniuk is basically a horrible idea.
I've always preferred to strike a balance between the detailed descriptions and the brief and to the point descriptions, and not put in so much detail that it slows down the story.
Among other things I tend to try and keep a story slightly disengaged from any character no matter how close to their personal view of the world it gets, so that it intentionally comes across as a narrator telling the reader what sort of things the character is thinking or is more like watching a character driven show or playing a story driven game, than actually saying what the character is thinking, unless a mind reader is present in which case the decision to outright state the character's thoughts makes perfect sense to me.
If it matters that such details be described I'll put them in, sure, but if not I don't by any stretch want to cause this:
2483480 I've been accused of writing to dry (beige) prose, so purpleing it up a bit might be a good idea for me. I might just take on your challenge.
One thing that I'm not clear on is: Are phrases like 'No doubt' allowed? One could easily replace all the thought verbs with them.
Is something like this allowed as a replacement:
Mark sat at the bus station. He looked at his watch. No doubt the trip would take a long time.