“The Nightmare's Nightmare ” by lil Penpusher.

After a long day ruined by one of Rainbow Dash pranks (I'm starting to see a pattern here of Rainbow Dash being the inciting incident on comedy fics) all Twilight wants is to wash her stress away as well as the remains of RD prank by taking a bath. Everything is calm and quiet. Too quiet for her liking, she comes up with something.There are those who try to deal with the overwhelming weight of silence by talking to themselves. Then there's Twilight who summons her (sexy) sleep paralysis demon self to do that. Here comes the first spoiler of this story: what comes out of that premise is funny. But how about we delve deeper into what makes this story funny?

In order to do this, I will take apart this story in a painless and spoiler free (as possible!) manner by taking a closer look into its characters, the dialogue and the plot: its Writing; Pointing out the potential/existing themes, the authorial intent and its tone: the Observations; Analyzing the flow, prose and pacing: it's Readability; Watching out for potential grammar flaws: the Technical side; And how the first impressions of the story draw the attention of potential readers: the Hook. 

All the ingredients that make a story W.O.R.T.H it.

Let's start from the bottom: the Hook.

H:ook - 10/10

“Naughty things await in this chapter” were my first thoughts amongst a myriad of questions that popped up in my head after reading the short description: Why wouldn't Twilight want peace and quiet? What will she do about it? What's the nightmare's nightmare and how does that relate to the premise (I'm still trying to answer this question)? And when I glanced at the cover art of semi-naked Twilight for answers, I was just as confused as she looked. But furthermore, I was curious. The cover and the tone of the description did their job at setting the mood, but still I wasn't fully sure what to expect to happen. The author made a wise decision when it comes to writing descriptions for comedy fics: not to telegraph the punchline.  

I will say, though, that the short description did make me wonder for a moment “Where is the second person tag?”. The way it's written makes it look like a 2nd person fic albeit slightly. Not enough to be distracting, just something to be mindful of.

But not everything in what makes a hook is confined to first impressions. Second impressions count just as much.  That is, the way the story opens. This fic doesn't have a super grappling first paragraph, why would it? Is a comedy fic. The introduction in fact is nothing out of this world or really interesting, very SoL-esque that doesn't really rush things. But that's why it works in the context of this story, is the calm before the storm. Is a sample of the mundane before the surrealism of Twilight finding her sleep paralysis taking a shower. Without this seemingly needless juxtaposition, the fic wouldn't have worked as well as if it had started from Twilight thinking how peace and quiet is starting to become boring for her.

T:echnical - 9.5/10

Normally if the grammar and technical aspects of a story are at minimum “okay”, then they wouldn't deserve more than a sentence at maximum in this section. Grammar nitpicks are only a luxury native speakers can afford after all. And while this story has solid grammar, there are a couple of things worth mentioning.

There are a couple of instances were the wording of a sentence could have been improved for a clearer meaning, like

Your mum was talking for at least two hours, Twilight

and

Hey, take your time. You are the boss.

Moreover, while there was quite an extensive usage of the cursive and bold (as well as ellipsis) to emphasize the emotions conveyed in some dialogue (and outside of it), this would be a bigger issue in more serious and dramatic stories, but since this is a comedy it can get away with being another stylistic choice. But usually it doesn't sit well with some readers.

Finally, we have some, if very few, cases of the infamous lavender unicorn syndrome. And while the author finds more creative ways to describe Midnight Sparkle than “evil lavender alicorn”, these wordy descriptors become more jarring by being one next to each other:

Hardly an issue though, as throughout the story the author manages to avoid this problem quite well, despite the story requiring to mention both characters constantly.

R:eadability - 10/10

This is where normally, in an alternate universe where I would have something to say about it, the pacing (which to be fair I already touched on a bit on the H:ook) and flow would go. Normally when I don't mention something it is because it's done on a competent enough level that it just goes unnoticed, nothing out of the ordinary. What  I'm about to get into however is worth a place in this section even if it arguably should be in the next one for the only reason being that it affects how the story is perceived as a whole. That is, the tone. 

The Nightmare´s Nightmare is a light read that is crafted all around so all of its elements work in tandem to contribute to the SoL/comedy tone of the fic. To see this we just have to look at how every scene and its dialogue is constructed. All paragraphs are short, punchy, but with a running predilection of long sentences divided by commas, and they never meander around. As one fellow pointed out, its vibe is very reminiscent of those comedic slice of life anime out there. If you tried, you could recreate this story with manga panels, beat by beat.

Also Twilight/Midnight Sparkle anime girl scream gives this sensation away.

O:bservations - 10/10

<Caution: You are about to enter the most subjective section of the review. The author of this review is not responsible for any slips or misinterpretations of this story. Potential author's death may lie ahead. Proceed at your own risk.>

There's a reason why these kinds of short comedies are a struggle for me to review. The author conceived them to get a laugh out of the reader through a carefully crafted joke, or a succession of them. There's rarely any hidden meaning or theme, or subtext to find beneath. The intent of these stories can be summarized by three letters: LOL.

And this is no different for this story. I'm not going to pretend this is secretly deep or something that only those who enjoyed Rick and Morty would understand. The author had a good idea, they managed to stick the landing and that's it, end of the story. That being said, there's something to be said about this story concept and premise itself. It's literal food for thought.

The idea itself of Midnight Sparkle being Twilight's literal sleep paralysis demon that haunts her even in her shower thoughts is interesting enough to raise some questions throughout the story. Like, is Midnight Sparkle a product of her imagination? Is she really there or just some kind of trauma fueled tulpa who Twilight creates unconsciously (like at the beginning of Legend of Everfree). Or does she actually exist as a figment of her brain that she is able to summon at will? Though there's little to leave to the imagination as it is stated it was Twilight's idea to summon her, which implies she may be something more than just her imagination. It is also very interesting how when that does happen, Midnight Sparkle´s doings such as taking a shower are always dependent on whatever Twilight is thinking. Really goes to show who truly has the power in that relationship dynamic.

I'm actually glad this fic doesn't go out of its way to address any of this or even explore these ideas further. Not only because it would be detrimental to the comedic aspect of the story, but because the reader would have little room to have “shower thoughts” about this story´s concept of their own.

W:riting - 10/10

If there is something we have established here already, it is that the key of this fic (I would argue at least), is the tone. And at the same time, the tone of this fic relies on the characterization of its characters a lot. Twilight is purposefully grounded, akin to her canon self, from the small things like how she prioritizes practicality over comfort by how she prefers showers over baths and how she is so used to the hustle and bustle she can't even find comfort in tranquility. Though regarding this last part, it makes even more sense when you think about her time over crystal prep, how lonely she was back then. So it's no wonder she would need someone to talk to at all times. All of this is best established on the opening of the story as aforementioned, with Twilight as the central focus.

But then we have Midnight Sparkle, who steals the show. Her sassy and sarcastic personality really sets the mood of the shower thoughts section. Is borderline absurdist because a world-ending demon inside Twilight head is casually taking a shower and acting so in character but at the same time in a manner we could have never imagined. It even humanizes her, which makes it all the more funny because we can tell it's her. Like she is so casual about being a demon tormenting Twilight, but at the same time talks to her as if they were roomies. It's bizarre, absurd and funny.

This relationship of theirs is furthermore reflected on the story dialogue as being almost, ALMOST friendly in a way, to the point where they have some light banter and Twilight has the confidence to stand up to her. This is really not their first encounter and it shows, though Twilight seems to always forget because well, dreams be dreams.

But this section would be incomplete if I didn't talk about the comedy itself, another interesting topic in its own right. Given the setting, a bathroom, it is natural that a certain comedy trope would be used here. But in this case, it's special. The author is being cheeky here, you see, whereas a lesser writer would have been outright horny. Through the language used and the use of implications (this made me think that maybe Twilight loves herself a bit too much, that or she is too much into big tiddy goth demon girlfriends) the author manages to remain family friendly. And it takes the aforementioned trope to another level by using the fact this is an evil figment of her mind we are talking about here, which makes it even more funny.

What can the reader take away from this?

-Don't give the surprise factor of a comedy story away via the long/short descriptions. Lure the readers in all the way to the punchline.
-Don't be afraid to use the character´s names over and over again, though try and pace them out so as not to overdo it. Unicorn lavender syndrome is a fate worse than death.
-Never underestimate the power of contrast in fiction. Is easier to appreciate the surreal when we are first given a taste of the mundane.
-Don't try to contact your sleep paralysis demon at home. They usually don't look as good as Midnight Sparkle here.

Conclusion

So, now that we have covered all the basics, and with all scores in mind, it is time for us to answer the initial question. Is this story W.O.R.T.H it?

This is a simple story about Twilight shower thoughts with an interesting spin which gives fans of sci-Twi a funny instance on what a day to day encounter with her inner demon would be like. This is the only context in which what I just said wouldn't make me sound crazy. That's why it works on its simplicity, because it presents the most bizarre and interesting version of an idea in a lighthearted way that doesn't explore it's full potential and doesn't take itself seriously. It knows exactly what it wants to be. I laid all the cards into the table, showing you what works and what doesn't, as well as what you can exactly get out of reading it besides a good laugh, in order for you to decide. Go check it out for yourself, and see if it truly was worth your time.

Don't forget to always speak your mind to the author though! They always like it.

<But because i'm legally obliged to rate this story in a numerical fashion, this is a 9.9/10 would have shower thoughts again. Terrific job>

10/10 for me
It’s just perfect imo

Don't forget to always speak your mind to the author though! They always like it.

This is a false allegation. I hate people /s