ETrixie's Great and Powerful Adventure

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Random
• Slice of Life

Trixie learns how to time travel. Twilight is unamused.

• Twilight
• Trixie
• Starlight Glimmer
• Starswirl

Ninjadeadbeard · 4.5k words  ·  370  12 · 6.9k views

Initial Impressions

It felt a little awkward. I understand it was supposed to be a comedy but the tension of the piece was not on the characters. Things just seemed to happen and mostly the side characters just reacted. Starlight and Twilight didn’t do much of anything other than panic. It seemed unnatural for them. The story was funny however, especially the dark wing duck references. The Starswirl and Trixie ship was cute. It could be a little cringe in a different context but in this it actually worked and was almost heart warming. I assume the Luster scene was more of a How I Met Your Mother reference. 

Summary:

Twilight is planning to meet Starswirl the bearded for tea and feeling particularly manic that morning. She Twilights about all the details and prepares her home for the mentor’s arrival with Starlight’s help. Instead the Great and Powerful Trixie shows up and interjects herself into their home. Insisting that she just needs a bit of time to show her newest spell. She needs the friendship map to make it work. In an effort to do an advanced disappearance act Trixie activates Starlight’s time travel spell and vanishes. We cut to a pleasant scene somewhere at some time where a colt is being chased by monsters under Grogar’s control. He is nearly caught but saved by the mysterious dark hooved Trixie. 

Meanwhile Starlight and Twilight are freaking more when Starswirl shows up. They explain the situation and Starswirl tells them the problem needs to be fixed. Trixie reappears before they can do anything and hugs all her friends. Then Starswirl and Trixie reconnect, finding long lost love started in Starswirl’s past where Trixie was sent. They walk off together leaving Twilight to wonder why the map hates her. 

But it doesn’t stop there. This was a story of how Aunt Trixie and Uncle Starswirl met as told by their daughter to Luster, Starlight’s daughter. Twilight never forgave her table. 

Story (8/10)

I’ll start here because that's what I know best. I liked the story. It paints a good portrayal of Trixie’s glorious influence on her friends. It has good ideas and decent timing with the ideas. The characters were kind of exaggerated. I assume that was intentional. Twilight’s anxiety was over the top for just tea. And Trixie’s pushiness was a little beyond her. But I suspect that was the intent for comedic value. For that purpose it works. 

Characters (7/10)

As I said I assume this was deliberate but Twilight was way over the top. Starting with a strange scene in which Twilight acts like a super villain in her lair sets her in an odd light. She then never really calms down through the piece. She seems to be on the edge of mania the entire time. 

Starlight was a little more down played but she needed to be with an unbalanced Twilight. I think she would be a little more reluctant to let Trixie in, knowing how much it would upset Twilight. All and all though she plays her part nicely.

Trixie is Trixie but villainous evil Trixie. She still has that edge of condescension she did in the beginning. But it still was within character. Not sure when she learned to fight manticores and monsters though. Still she was cute. 

Starswirl was the most on point for me in this one. His demeanor was very formal and stilted like I find him to be in the show. And his sudden switch to shock as Trixie appeared was funny.

The flow (6/10)

This was where this story had the most issues. I liked the concept but something about the timing felt off or too formulaic. There were a few passages that got confusing. I think Twilight rushing out to open the door for “Starswirl” confused me for a bit. It sounded like something had rushed in and not out. Trixie’s disappearing act felt a little forced somehow. And of course her return after nothing was tried lost all the tension instantly and felt anticlimactic. Maybe more of how Starswirl and Trixie developed would help slow things down or her preparing to leave so we know she’s coming.

I think you might have referred Starlight as purple in one sentence which led to some confusion with Twilight there. Starlight is pink. 

In summation 

I liked the story. It hit some good beats and made me like a ship that should have never happened. It just needs a little more work on the pacing and maybe a little more expansion to get it to work better. In my opinion for what that is worth.

Total score: 7/10

Recommended for those that like over the top cartoony humor.

<For archive purposes: 7/10>

Alright! Thank you for using one of my stories as your first review! Only thing I might point out is that you gave no spoiler warning’s for anyone who hasn’t read the story yet. Other than that, and the fact that you incorrectly believe Starlight is pink when she’s clearly purple , good job! Thank you!