I should have known that I could have just bribed convinced Nailah to “loan” me more of her ink bottles for me to write those new reviews. Do you have any idea how expensive ink is nowadays?

Anyways, welcome back to my…uhm…humble abode? It has been a while and I have managed to remove all those pesky cardboard boxes. Finally, my table is no longer that cluttered mess that I absolutely hated to work on. Do you have any idea how much I abhor writing on stacks and stacks of paper?!

While I would love to carry on chatting about life in the mansion, I’m sure you all are more interested in this next review.

Today, I will be reviewing Only This Between Us by applezombi.

TOnly This Between Us

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Horror
• Slice of Life

Somepony, or something, is stalking Rarity. Through the lamp-lit streets of Manehattan, to the cozy avenues of Ponyville, something is dogging her steps. Something dark and predatory.

• Sex
• Fluttershy
• Rarity

applezombi · 3.6k words  ·  42  1 · 574 views

Note that this review will only discuss the first chapter of this story, which was done in a speedwrite. And also, I must warn you of spoilers! Read before you leap! Or just read, whatever…it’s not like I have any jurisdiction over you, right?

Summary

Something is stalking Rarity. Something dark and predatory. Something…suspicious. But she must confront her fear of the unknown, for she must find out what it is and its mysterious intentions. Because, if it is what she thinks it is, she’s not entirely sure whether she should be caught out or not.

Content/Plot Analysis

Let’s begin with how the characters of the story are handled. The author has written this piece from a first-person perspective from Rarity, to showcase the spooky atmosphere that always seemed to cloud around her. I believe that the author has done a commendable job to the character of Rarity. Throughout the piece, the author builds upon a foundation via the style in which the piece is written. The personal voice of Rarity rings true in the author’s choice in the style in which the story is narrated in, showing a fundamental and extensive awareness of the character that is Rarity. Minute details of Rarity’s demeanor and character are sprinkled into the narrative in apt parenthesis to signify the thoughts and after-thoughts that Rarity had as she regales this story. While tiny at a glance, these add substantially into the big picture as a whole and it nuances the development of the character to be genuine. These after-thoughts boost the relatability of the character and allows the reader to better connect and empathize with her, linking it with the on-going canon of her personality. The character of Rarity was explored extensively throughout this short piece, concentrating the essence of it throughout in an experiential manner.

As I do not wish to spoil the identity of this mysterious stalker for those who haven’t read this piece yet, I will simply refer to it like so without identifying it for you explicitly. It became abundantly clear that this character is complex and has various levels of nuance as I continued reading the piece. I was especially suspicious to note whether the character was who I thought it was before my doubt was soon cleared. The development of this character is rather interesting; it is certainly not a character I am familiar with, but yet I can sense a tinge of familiarity emanating from it. I attribute this to the way Rarity describes the chain of events from her personal experience. Mystery behind this character helped to accentuate the spookiness as the story is willing to withhold a level of information at different junctures of the story. It helps the reader to imagine and consider; to think about how could this character possibly morph into as the piece goes on. The author has certainly done justice to it, though I wonder how the author wishes to bring about that dynamic between it and Rarity in a more exemplified, clear and, dare I say, wholesome manner. In fact, this dynamic is revealed, albeit not as fully as an impatient reader such as myself would hope, in the story, wrapping it up aptly at the end of the piece.

The characterization of this piece really builds the overall atmosphere of the piece, which is especially important since this piece is rather character-driven from the perspective of Rarity. I feel that this allows the reader to naturally step into the hooves of Rarity to experience and understand why she was feeling in such a manner as she interacts with the surroundings around her.

Flow

The flow of the story is smooth, but if I do have something to say about this piece, I would like to talk about the sudden reveal of Fluttershy as a vampire. I wish that the story would have considered foreshadowing that by dropping some hints throughout the various encounters and so-called close shaves that Rarity had. The alternate universe in this story, I postulate, is from the lore of how Fluttershy transits between two unique characters, since the story explores her rather introverted and shy character and also her vampiric character in the same chapter. At the moment, this story could look into the development of that aspect, though in a more implicit manner to suit the mystery and spook that rings true to this piece to help sharpen that aspect in a more broad-based manner.

Language

I failed to find any significant errors that would distract the reader’s attention from the piece. The style of the writing in this aspect was done well, and the author purposefully omitted commas to enhance the significance of the read by altering the rhythm of it.

Stance

This is a brilliant tale; one I must unequivocally recommend. I believe that the author can continue to make this piece brilliant with the apt techniques and writing styles employed.

Content/Plot: 9/10
Flow/Communication: 7.5/10
Language/Readability: 9/10
Overall: 8.5/10

<For archive purposes: 8.5/10>

Alright, time to head on over to the printing room to publish that review.

“CYONIX? LUMINA? Can you CY-cle my piece through the il-LUMINA-ted photocopying machine?”

Yay! I really appreciate the feedback, and especially the criticism. Thank you for taking the time!