TThe First Taste of Sea

• MLP: FiM
• Dark

It was dark. Somewhere, beyond the cave, beyond her cage, it was raining. And the tide was coming in.

• Other

Silent Whisper · 1.6k words  ·  70  1 · 1k views

Overview

This is a somber, atmospheric story, offering us a brief look into a bleak world, and the origins of a character I will leave unnamed to avoid spoilers. It's a character study wrapped up in a mystery, and even those who quickly identify the identity of the characters involved will be drawn along for the ride.

Characters

There are only two characters in this story - our unnamed protagonist, and a mysterious filly who comes to visit her in her cage. Both are given an impressive amount of depth for how short this story is. Our protagonist is bitter, jaded. She's been thrown in a cage to die, and even though she knows she did things that would make some see her as a villain, she did it to protect her family from unjust authority. She may not like where she ended up, but she doesn't regret her actions. And in the end, while she knows there is no saving her, we are left with a moment of hope that someday, things might change so that what happened to her and her family might not happen to anypony else.

Our other character is a filly out too late, visiting a criminal locked in a cage. We don't get to see inside her head, but we do get a good idea of her thought process through our protagonist's insights, and we come to understand why she's here. At first she is wary, because she doesn't know whether she can trust our protagonist. But as she comes to understand exactly what happened, she shifts from wariness to anger, and a determination to make things right. There's only so much she can do, but that determination gives everyone some hope that things could get better.

Plot & Pacing

The plot here is pretty simple, given that it's a speedwrite and only contains one scene. That said, there's a lot that's packed into that scene, and the story deftly alludes to events in our protagonist's past in a way that doesn't feel like exposition. There's enough context clues to paint a clear picture of what's going on without explicitly saying much at all, and that helps to add to atmospheric nature of the piece. That said, this also makes the story ripe for expansion. There's lots of stuff lurking under the surface of this piece, and definitely things that could be delved into further.

As for the pacing, this story handles it beautifully. It hooks you from the very beginning and never lets go. It gives enough clues that you can deduce the reveal before it happens, and it doesn't try to artificially extend that reveal when it's not warranted. It's a self-contained story with no lulls, and enough happens to make you feel like it was worth your time to dive into its depths. Pun completely intended.

Technical Skill

Mechanically, the story feels great. I didn't find any grammar or spelling issues, but beyond that, the word choice and flow of the piece is excellent. A big part of the story's appeal is its atmosphere, and it paints a beautiful picture of the dark places on the edge of the sea, where the water is the true master and ponies mere visitors. The sea and the storm are a constant presence in this fic, and they serve as a vivid backdrop to the story itself.

Rating

Character: 4.5/5

The characters feel multi-dimensional and real, and it's a delight to get inside their heads. The only reason this isn't a 5 is because we don't have much time to see them develop.

Plot: 4/5

The plot isn't the real focus of the story, but the world is well-crafted and makes me want to see more.

Mechanics: 5/5

No errors that I could see, and the word choices and atmosphere are fantastic.

Final Score: 4.5/5

An excellent, atmospheric piece, well worth the read.

Final Thoughts

This piece is a great read, and a good yarn to immerse yourself in. It's dark and damp and visceral, and you should read it. Whether you look at it as a character study, an origin story, or an AU, it looks at a side of a character we haven't seen before, and you may well come out of it with a different outlook on just who is the villain of the tale.

Thank you very much for the in-depth review! I appreciate the thought put into this, and I appreciate the puns ♥