TThe Painless Murders

• MLP: FiM
• Drama
• Mystery

Every private investigator gets the occasional case that requires their every skill to solve. And if they slip up, a pony’s life will be ruined. This was such a case, and I was not going to let that pony down.

• OC

bkc56 · 16k words  ·  33  2 · 317 views

Summary: A detective story where the main character has to proof the innocents of a friend of his who is accused of being a murder.

The story takes us along while the detective does his work, meaning: Visit the crime scene, speak with different ponies and also visit various locations in the search for the truth.

More detailed analysis

So basically this story is a standart detective story with all that comes along with that. 

Though, what peaks out is the very well done pacing. I had a good time reading this story due to this. You notice how the main plot makes progress while each scene has a meaning and enough time to develop. Well done on that part!

Also worth noticing are the dialogs which flow well and seem believable for the characters. This along with the common cliches of a detective story provides a good atmosphere to enjoy such a story.

The weaker part however is the main storyline itself. It is rather obvious how the story will progress from the start and it is nearly devoid of any real surprises. Therefore this story lacks a bit of tension. I found myself more likely nodding in mild approval instead of sitting on the edge of my chair in excitement.

So I would say this story is a good one for a bit of leaning back and relax while reading about some lighter detective work.

Rating:

Drama:                           8/10  The characters are believable, have flaws and likely sides. 
Mystery:                         3/10  Too predictable, lack of surprises, to many hints right from the start
Entertainment Factor:     7/10 Enjoyable to read, flows well, lack of danger/threat

18/30

6/10 + 1Bonus Point for the writing style

7/10

Additional Feedback:
I would suggest creating a more dangerous situation for the friend, so the reader fears more about his well-being. Also reduce the amount of hints and clues that he may be innocent at the start, it would increase the interest in the storyline. You did a great job on the technical side of writing in this story though it lacks a bit of putting the reader on the edge of his seat.

Thanks for the review and feedback. I'm glad the pacing worked and you like the dialogue.