TUnplanned

• MLP: FiM
• Romance

Rarity and Rainbow Dash spend the night together, and it's wonderful. But... then what?

• Sex
• Rainbow Dash
• Rarity

Winston · 3.1k words  ·  179  17 · 2.4k views

Summary:

Rainbow and Rarity have spent a naughty evening together. This story is about their conversation afterwards, and how they deal with this unexpected course of events further on.

Well, I wasn't exactly expecting this with the story's premise, but this story is really about an adult and reasonable talk about feelings and thoughts of the main characters. Both Rainbow and Rarity have their opinions about how this may affect their relationship and what it means to them.

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Let's have a closer look at the mindset for the protagonist here first. I was impressed how reasonable and open Rarity is about all this. In difference to the show, she is most reasonable and open minded while Rainbow is a bit more insecure and sheepish I would say. It really benefits the story, creating an interesting dialog between the two and also provides an unexpected while reasonable kind of storyline.

Also, with the focus of the story on the emotions and opinions of the main characters, it was a good idea to make them a little bit more deep and open minded than in the actual show.

Though, and here I also have to bring up my first point of critique, Rarity and Rainbow, while the story is set a bit later than season 9, still don't feel like the chars from the show this way. They are more mentally adult and reasonable, even than just being older. So it kind of feels like this story is with them instead of Oc's either because it's easier, and/or draws more attention to the story, then it really fits for them.

Anyhow, that doesn't get in the way of presenting a worth to read story. The way the story is written, with a little bit of romance, a good portion of good written dialog, a little view of how lives could be for Rarity, I say it's entertaining enough.

*

Romance: 6.5/10 Yes, there is fluffy romantic stuff here and there in the story, also a good one, though, for a story tagged romance, it's a bit too less in my small opinion. The focus is more on reasonable dialogs.

Characters: 8/10 Okay, here I must make a difference about them being like cannon, and how they are in general. Like I said, they are more like Oc's with traits of the show ones, but, they are so well written in general, so understandable while still cute that I give many points for that.

Overall impression: 8/10 It's something different to the 'mass' of fiction I read on Fim so far. It's not unique, but far from anything common as far as I read. It's a more serious story by topic, while keeping the fluff and romance in it too without getting in the way. A skilled piece of writing.

22,5/30 = 7.5/10

Feedback:
Well, I would suggest either writing something like this with Oc's, or, if the attention for the story is important to you, adjust the way they act a bit more to the show version of Rarity and Rainbow. A little bit more drama for Rarity, still subtle maybe, and a little bit more brazenness for Rainbow. Along with some other little adjustments in that regard.

And maybe a little bit more romance. If the story is mainly tagged as such, some may expect a bit more feels in general.

Besides that, thank you for writing something out of the ordinary, it was nice to read it.