My Little Reviews & Feedback 503 members · 853 stories
Comments ( 2 )
  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 2
Azure Drache
Group Admin
EWhat's Left Unsaid
Limestone Pie takes her youngest sister to the Peaks of Peril in search of something important. Marble Pie finds something else.
Gay For Gadot · 3.7k words  ·  87  2 · 1k views

Summary:

Limestone and Marble Pie travel to the Peaks Of Peril because they heard about the foal’s breath flowers which may cure Marbles muteness.

*

So, today’s story is a special one. Why is that so? Well, it is a story where the actual story/the plot is just an aside. You read right, what happens in the story is just a bonus. The interesting thing here is, that this story has two chapters which have the same events going on, but one time from Limestones point of view, the other time from Marble’s.

Therefore, this story feels more like an artistic approach on a writing experiment than an actual story. Don’t get me wrong, the storyline is fine by itself. It has a purpose, it delivers reason and also sets the point of focus for the characters like it should do. Still, what makes this story worth a read is how it is written.

Let me elaborate on this a bit more:
Both the sisters chapters start at the train station outside the Peaks Of Peril, and already from this very moment, you see a drastic, while fitting difference in how the sisters witness or judge the events. Limestone is more aggressive and impatience, while Marble is unobtrusive and calm. Sure, we don’t get enough info from the show to judge these two characters fairly if that is fitting for canon completely or not, but it presents a very different point of view, and that is what this story shines with.

The author did an amazing job at staying in character for those two while walking through the scenes, and even you are all the time aware you read everything what happens already in the first chapter, you don’t get bored, instead when you read Marble’s, the second, chapter, you feel like it is a new experience. Be it Autumn's singing when she greets them, or their view on kirin culture and therelike. Marble’s and Limestones opinion on things differs so greatly from each other that it is a joy to read them and see their personal perspectives.

And now we come to the problem with this while writing this review… How do I judge this? Clearly, this story has more to it than meets the eye at first, though, while I really enjoy the artistic approach, the hard facts about the story would place it more in the average section. The plot doesn’t need to hide in shame, though, it doesn’t stand up with the reading experience the story offers for other reasons. This is a tricky one for sure.

So, I will skip the rating for this story, but place it in my 6-7 folder, which I see as a good compromise between the actual story and its writing style.

Feedback for the author:
Well, you did great on this one. This is a story I actually spoke with people about and may keep in memory for a while. You different viewpoints really were on the spot. Only thing to improve would be the storyline, but honestly, I am not sure if that is the goal here. 
So keep up the great work!

7429812

Thanks for the review! Loved reading your thoughts on this one. I'm glad you enjoyed our little experiment! :twilightsmile:

  • Viewing 1 - 50 of 2