ESomeday Soon

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

A story of secrets and storms, where two fillies grow closer through them.

• Other

Emotion Nexus · 2.6k words  ·  33  3 · 556 views

Summary

Peachy Pie invites Sunny Daze for a sleepover, where Peachy plans to reveal her affection for the other filly. A sudden storm, and an unspoken past trauma, changes those plans drastically.

First Impressions

I was reluctant to pick this story up originally, because I’m not huge on love stories with foals. I was rather pleasantly surprised at the way the author handled the subject matter. The budding feelings Peachy has for Sunny are dealt with in an age appropriate way. I’ve seen some stories that seem to treat foals as simply ‘mini adults’, and the author very deftly avoided that trap throughout the entire story.

Another thing that really impressed me was the pacing throughout. The way the main conflict was introduced, and the way it escalates throughout, works really well. The ultimate climax was sweet and rewarding.

My only significant criticism would be the perspective. It seems to shift rapidly between the two characters. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it creates unnecessary confusion for the reader, making the middle section of the piece difficult to follow.

Ratings by Category

Characters: 7/10. The characterizations of Sunny and Peachy are well done and subtle. The author reveals information about them organically, through their actions, rather than through exposition.

Setting: 8/10. I’m counting the storm as part of the setting. While the house itself could have used a touch of work, helping to show off the action and the characters, the looming menace of the coming rainstorm helps to create growing tension throughout the story.

Dialogue: 9/10. The dialogue here is a great example of show not tell. We get so much character development out of the well-written dialogue between the two.

Not only that, but the dialogue feels age appropriate. Vocabulary choice was spot on for a pair of foals, which was a detail I really appreciated.

And let’s go ahead and count the song as dialogue too, while we’re at it. It was a cute and sweet bit of poetry, and it fit the story. Yes, I’m aware the author didn’t write it, but the author is still responsible for finding the appropriate poem to add.

Plot Structure: 7/10. If the story has a weakness, it’s the perspective shifts in the middle of the story that create some confusion for me.

That being said, the overall structure is good. The elements of the story work together to create a well-paced plot, with an adorable climax.

I also appreciated that the character’s goals changed throughout the story. Peachy adjusts her desires as new information is added, which in turn informs the climax in interesting ways.

Grammar: 10/10. Nothing major to report here. I was unable to find any technical issues.

Total: 8.2/10

Final Thoughts/Feedback

“Someday Soon” was a rather pleasant surprise, and quite fun to read. It’s well written and cute. Any fears I had were proven false, and any issues are minor. It’s worth a look!

As I’m writing this review, I also recently just reviewed one of Emotion Nexus’ other pieces, “A False Hope”. I think that perhaps there could be some value in a brief comparison of the two, with this story as a very clear success and “A False Hope” perhaps falling a bit short. Both stories deal with complex themes (trauma in this one, grief in the other). While “A False Hope” is clumsy and blunt in the way it deals with grief, this story handles trauma with a perfectly light touch, while giving subtle hints as to the nature of the trauma.

The difference between the two is adequate time. Both start out with intriguing premises, but while this story gives the appropriate amount of time and attention to the subject, while the other does not.

Best Part: The whispered confession and promise in the ear of a sleeping pony. Oof. Hit me right in the feels.

I've read both reviews, but I'm going to comment on this one because I read it second.

Anyways, thanks for the reviews! I do feel like my weakest part of writing is the length, being that my longest story on site is only the longest because it's an anthology (I have a problem of creating closed solutions). I also have a problem balancing descriptions and character building and usually end up making either one or both lackluster.

That said, I'm glad you enjoyed Someday Soon as much as you did! Most of my early works were written on spurs of inspiration from other works. This one came from a depiction of their dynamic in another fic and I'd been listening to As The Thunder Roll By a lot at the time, which led me to writing it.

The storm scene was much blander on release, something I rectified after a review from Stinium and I think it did much good for the story.

If anything, the reviews have encouraged me to try to write a bit longer with my works. Having open endings is a favourite of mine, but sometimes leaving it open breaks off lots of possibilities that could have extended the story.

Cheers!

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