EMoonbug

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Slice of Life

Pharynx doesn't really like potted plants, but Princess Luna does. So what better way of getting him to stop ruining her lavender pots, if not with a good lesson or two?

• Luna
• Pharynx

Sledge115 · 9.9k words  ·  211  7 · 3.6k views

Description

During a diplomatic visit from King Thorax, Princess Luna discovers that, inexplicably, his brother Pharynx hates her lavender. And for that matter, potted plants in general.

That won't do, of course - even if Pharynx is the new Changeling Prince - and so she'll need to teach him a lesson.

And one lesson won't be enough.

Initial Thoughts

Another Romance from Sledge115! I enjoyed the last one I reviewed, but if my understanding is correct, this one was written before that one. My initial concern therefore might be whether this or the other is necessarily a “better” romance, but I’m sure to enjoy it all the same. 

Interesting character tags, and the description suggests a special kind of shipping, one that I don’t think I’ve come across before. Guess that the May 2020 Original Pairing contest linked at the end of the description is why. 

Hmm. “Moonbug.” Fitting.

Onto the review. Spoilers ahead!

Summary

Luna’s a gardener! And, unexpectedly, she starts to receive visits from a certain Changeling prince, who’s more than a little bewildered by her hobby. Though the two butt heads over security detail and the necessity of lavenders, through no small shortage of mistaking a pet for a pest, semi-violent book sharing, rosebush trimming, and one delightfully gruff Pharynx, the two rulers end up realizing they have more in common then they’d think, and maybe even something more between them.

Plot

I suppose, to start with a general conclusion, this story is your typical romance. Typical, in the sense that the beats are all there. Characters A and B don’t necessarily like each other at first, but through a series of interactions, whereby they learn bits and pieces of their history, they inexorably are drawn together, and thus end up so. 

In this way we may say that this story doesn’t do anything different. To an extent, I have to grant that validity. From the moment that the two had a somewhat hostile interaction, I knew how the story would play out, more or less. If we dismiss the fanfare and aesthetic, that is, the use of gardening as a mechanic of the narrative, we find that this story really isn’t all that different from any other ship fic, just a bit longer.

Of course, genres are predictable by their nature, and once I was able to accept that this story wouldn’t do and did not do much else with the Romance genre, I was able to actually thoroughly enjoy what Sledge had to offer. This is due to several reasons, most of which are the individual “devices” that Sledge uses to make his story pop out. 

“Moonbug” isn’t shy of providing a great sense of warmth and intimacy, even in the moments where the lead characters come into conflict with one another. The “garden” as a thematic motif demonstrates this. As both Luna and Pharynx struggle towards one another, the story becomes centralized around an idea introduced from the beginning: Pharynx’s interest (a nicer term, really) in Luna’s lavender plants. Thus, when these plants show up at the end as the culmination of their courtship, it not only makes sense, but feels satisfying. The plants themselves would have been fine as a simple world-detail, or as a way to jumpstart the conflict between the two, but Sledge bringing it back together just feels right. In a word (and to borrow from a previous review), the device is authentic. 

Another device that Sledge employs is pacing, but in a sense that is slightly different than what I’d normally use. The pacing here is slow, but not in a way that is sluggish. Sledge lets us explore, through Luna’s perspective, the “world” of this narrative, to such a degree that it never felt like I was slogging through 9.1k words in a sitting. The narrative time disappears into the background of the story. All the little things that Sledge does to label it fade just as easily, things like horizontal breaks, transitional phrases, even the references to episodes and the MLP movie as a way to set up a timeframe. More or less, I was sucked into the story, and held on all the way to the end. 

Finally, I want to take a step back and examine the structure of this particular romance, how it’s played out. This isn’t a story where the two characters meet and fall in love, nor is it a story where the two hate each other before realizing that they actually love each other. Instead, we get to see a wonderfully slow progression of both their friendship and their relationship in such a way that when we finally remember that this is a romance story, it makes all the sense in the world! One might call this a kind of subversion, but I think it’s more like the necessary variant of the genre that Sledge incorporated. In a way, it’s a progression from strangers to friends, then friends to better friends, then better friends to, presumably, lovers.

Predictability does dock some points from the score, but the rest of the story is a wonderful read, and I found myself greatly enjoying what was done.

Score - 8 / 10

Character

Much like in the last story of Sledge’s that I reviewed, Luna takes center stage (though in that last story she was actually not the protagonist, technically speaking). Sledge writes Luna in a very humble way, suggesting charm and grace, while also still keeping track of her idiosyncrasies. She’s excited, if in a bit subdued sense, about her garden, and once she resolves in her mind to visit the Changeling Hive, she acts determined and steadfast. I hate to draw comparisons between two stories, but I did get the sense that the Luna here felt more realized than in Sledge’s other Luna-romance story, though that might be because Sledge had a lot more “internal room” to work with (owing to the appropriate pacing). 

Pharynx is an interesting case. I don’t really recall his character that well, other than he was a gruff Changeling, meaner than his brother, and more than a little bit hot-headed. All of those characteristics are here, from the very beginning. But I found more compelling was how he interacted with Luna, especially in some of their quieter moments.

There’s a scene where Luna makes an implication towards her past as Nightmare Moon. To this, Pharynx responds in a curious dismissal, explaining that he doesn’t really know about the whole story, since Chrysalis only told the Hive what she needed to know to conquer Equestria—Luna’s history was never a factor. As a moment of melancholy, to pull from Studio Ghibli, this one stands out, and I think it’s because there’s nothing really awkward about it. The two talk, the conversation flows, and it seems as though they’ve always been this way with each other. I felt comfortable listening in, and so did they. 

Really, what surprised me the most about this story was how well Sledge managed to write Luna and Pharynx together as a burgeoning couple. Their rocky start at the beginning, how they started to interact with each other going through the middle, and finally the romantic climax at the very end, all came across as superb. While characters like Thorax and perhaps especially Celestia did feel a bit thrown in there for the sake of having them be there, I understood that the focal point was on Luna and Pharynx; they would be the ones receiving the most attention. 

In the end, I bought what Sledge sold; these two work as a couple. 

Score - 9 / 10 

Syntax

Grammatically, everything checks out. I detected no problems with the syntax on a mechanics level. The tense was consistent, perspective maintained, all that good stuff. 

Long sentences mark Sledge’s writing, if the last story I reviewed is an indication. This isn’t a note of judgement, just of observation. Especially in moments where a camera is in continual motion, Sledge likes to throw complex sentences with multiple subordinate clauses in there in order to achieve some kind of effect. And when these long sentences mean to really push the reader into them, to get them to sink into the sentence themselves—that’s when the writing really shines. 

I’ll quote one sentence I found at the very end of the story that I think demonstrates this:

Right then and there she knew he would follow her, carrying the flowers with her, on a long walk down the entrance hall, where they would talk for hours and hours about the art of gardening and roses and lavender, siblings and duties, old mare’s tales and so, so much more.

Note the “beat” of the sentence, the way that sound progresses through each verb and subordinate clause. You don’t have to be an expert grammatician to notice there’s some degree of musicality involved, whether or not that was intentional. My main point, in the end, is that this story sings, and it’s a lovely, lovely tune.

Score - 10 / 10

Final Score - (8 + 9 +10) / 3 = 9

Final Thoughts

This is, admittedly, a far shorter review than I’d expected, but I find that the stories that I really enjoy require far less to say about them than the stories I find to need a great deal of improvement. 

Predictability aside, this was a solid story. I loved Pharynx and Luna as they were in this story, and I honestly am surprised (again!) by how well they worked together. There was just the right amount of sweetness that never felt overblown or diabetic, and ultimately the story came together for a gratifying finish. 

To the author: thank you so much for sharing. This was a lovely piece, and I hope you find my feedback adequate, and my praise acceptable. 

7339896

My, my, my, first off, thank you for the review

To preface this, Moonbug did have a lot more going for it than The Dreamwalker's Lament, as I didn't have the constraints of exams looming, and I'm glad it paid off!

On predictability - fair enough! It does have plenty of romantic cliches, all the way to the giving flowers bit - which was intentional in that regard. Other than that, though, I knew it wasn't quite anything new, not at all (butting-heads-to-lovers, who'd have thought ), but I sought to do it as well as I could, with the little added flair of gardening .

Where do I begin with Moonbug? There's so much I can say about this story, gah! It was my first attempt at writing something shorter than a few tens of thousands of words, and I'm still worried that I didn't do enough to build on Luna and Pharynx. This was a story that came to be from idea to writing in one hour, and another 11 days after that to finish. Granted, I still think I could have made it a little longer, because these two were just so delightful to play off one another. And I'm glad it worked, as it is.

While characters like Thorax and perhaps especially Celestia did feel a bit thrown in there for the sake of having them be there, I understood that the focal point was on Luna and Pharynx; they would be the ones receiving the most attention.

Yep - Thorax and Celestia does seem like they were just there, and I wish could have done a little bit more for them, but in the end, I sought to create a story that feels like a window to a bigger world. I set out to emphasise that though they are affected by those they cherish the most, Luna and Pharynx have their own story to tell, independent, or mostly independent of their families.

My main point, in the end, is that this story sings, and it’s a lovely, lovely tune.

In short, I wanted to capture the feeling of a pleasant Sunday afternoon, and the gentle flow of water down a stream.

There's so much more to say about Moonbug, the little ebbs and flows, that I ended up writing its own author's commentary. But to make a long story short, I greatly enjoyed writing both Luna and Pharynx, their little quirks and interactions and everything in-between, in this little garden of theirs. And I'm glad you've enjoyed it as much as I did writing it

Cheers, and again, thank you!