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Firefoxino
Group Contributor
TThe Equestrian Reaper
W-what," Pinkie swallowed nervously as she tried to speak, finding her throat was suddenly very dry. "Are you?" It seemed to stare at her for a few seconds, its dark eye sockets peering directly into her soul. "Death."
Perfectly Insane · 12k words  ·  256  10 · 4.1k views

The equestrian reaper starts off with a dark and gloomy introduction to what we will later on be able to call the Limbo, a place where the souls of the deceased stay for some time for a reason or another. Protagonist of this adventure is Pinkie Pie, recently deceased saving Fluttershy from a falling tree. Yes indeed, she dies and so she is brought to the presence of Death itself.

Death is a skeletal pony, no wings nor horn it exhale a putrid stench that makes most ponies simply bend over and vomit, that being said he has quite an interest in Pinkie, her ability to see the future had disrupted the balance of life and death causing ponies destined to die to survive. That being said Death proposes a contract, she will become a grim reaper and bring to Death ten souls, that being done she will be free and will be able to continue living although with a difference. Her gift will be usable only on herself if anyone else gains any benefit from it she will die immediately.

Pretty hard huh? Anyway she accepts the proposal and goes home to find the grim reaper of Ponyville which will help her become a proper substitute shinigami grim reaper. 

So what is to say about the story, first and foremost it is not done yet it is still in progress. Only two chapters are available but they show potential so if the author comes around and continues it it will most likely become a big hit. 

The characters are more or less linear, Death funnily enough has a lot of emotions behind its skull and can actually laugh, on the other hand poor Pinkie, maybe because she is dead or maybe because she is facing Death tries to squirm her way out from the contract this makes her maybe not entirely Pinkie to some. Some will say that she is not jubilant or high enough but for me it makes perfect sense, you can be a clown your whole life but when you are facing literal Death you will stop chuckling. 


Scores!

Core Idea: 6/10 Unfortunately death and its consequences are a very used and almost overused concept, even the figure of the grim reaper is so I can’t in good conscience give a big score on this.

Grammar: 9/10 Some minor typos and some phrases which are not as fluent as they could be, I suggest an editor for your stories more for help with the phrasing than with grammar.

Pacing: 7/10: Two chapters of a story that should have a lot to tell is not enough to give a real score, I will settle for a generous score in hope of having it confirmed.

Final score: 7.3/10 pretty good I would keep an eye on it, for any potential reader give it a try.

For the Author: Continue your work at your own pace and only follow your passion, that being said sometimes we really need to just get up and fight on to write. So do yourself and your followers a favor and continue this story, the hook has been launched, now be a good fisherman and take some fishy upvotes k?

Perfectly Insane
Moderator

I appreciate the review, it's very through-rough and gives me a good idea of what's liked about the story and what needs adjustment. I actually do have an editor lined up If/when I decide to continue the story, I only didn't have her edit the first two chapters to see what I was capable of and how far I've come as an individual writer.

I don't intend to just fully abandon this story, while I'm not the best at writing Pinkie, I feel I do a well enough job. I have a rough idea of what I want to do with it, but it really is just the issue of getting myself to actually write it. I appreciate the praise, and I promise you I intend to do my best with this story, once I can bring myself to start working on it again.

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