TThicc Dummies

• Equestria Girls
• Comedy

A popular meme draws the curiosity of a bubbly teenage Siren... Shenanigans ensue.

• Sex
• Profanity
• Dazzlings
• Vice-Principal Luna

SunTwi06 · 2.2k words  ·  43  2 · 1.8k views

Written by SunTwi06

Summary:
An innocent debate over a popular meme leads to awkward banter between The Dazzlings. It's a case of misunderstanding and comedic banter, as they try to find a meaning in one of the strangest forms of slang they've ever heard of.

Edited by Dramamaster829

Analysis: This is admittedly a phrase that I never heard before, and there goes my innocence. Putting that aside, this is a rather clever story that is funny, but at the same time deals with body acceptance. It actually surprised me how this story was able to handle such a personal topic while still being funny.

I do find Sonata's innocent perspective funny (And even though I am a man, I find it relatable.) and her reaction to this new knowledge actually helps connect people to the character more. Nowadays a lot of people have a hard time accepting certain aspects of their looks, like their weight, hair, fashion choices, or many other unique aspects. Some people make comments out of pride, self-doubt, or attempted complementing that contributes to such feelings. In the end, we end up either changing or embracing these changes to help us find self-acceptance, although it is healthier to find confidence in yourself for who you are, which is the arc we see here.

The other two sisters admittedly don't do much except being critical of their sister's problems, although I do love the punch line from Adagio at the end. Luna actually makes the most difference in the story as the voice of reason to help Sonata accept this fact about her and be able to move onward without feeling like there is something wrong with her.

In the end, it's a rather funny yet emotional story about self-acceptance that I actually enjoyed. I'd recommend this for a read to those who want a quick laugh out of a feel-good story.

Grammar: 8/10 There are some minor errors in this story in this story that I can pick out, and it's namely how some of the sentences are set up.

Aria didn’t quite answer the question, at least not right away.

A sigh escaped Aria’s lips before she grabbed for her cup of coffee and proceeds to gulp down the hot beverage, straight.

It either needs to be all past tense or future tense. There is a mix in this sentence. The ending of the sentence needs work too.

A sigh escaped Aria’s lips before she grabbed for her cup of coffee, proceeding to gulp down the hot beverage straight down.

This sentence above is actually the main issue. The writer needs to focus on either being future tense or past tense. You can never mix the two unless there is a flashback thing going on.

The plot of the story: 9/10 The premise is rather clever in my opinion. You have the funny nature of Sotana and the emotional connection of physical awkwardness. I am actually pleased by the ideas that the writer conveyed and how it all blends together, using the idea of a phrase that I never heard of until now.

Story flow: 8/10 There is some good pacing in spite of the short length of the story. You get a good feel of the setting and timing of the story that many stories skip over, even in spite of the length they use. Being able to help people get a feel of the setting and emotions is a critical part of any story. Sadly, the emotional description is something that is lacking,

Most of the sentences during the conversation parts end up just using "(Character) said". There need to be some more ideas of the tone behind the words.

Use words like Begrudgingly, jokingly, proudly, bashfully, or many others to add to when they are talking.

Adagio admitted bashfully.

Add interactions with the environment or other characters.

Sonata pleaded as she reached for her sister.

Explain why they are feeling the way they are.

Light Heart said, feeling hopeful that the author will be able to improve in these areas in the following stories.

Adding these splashes of emotion helps us connect more to the characters' emotions. This is the main weakness in the story that I can find, and it's easily fixable.

Final score: 25/30 8.3/10

This is a story that I can recommend for a read for all who are interested in a style like this. I hope the author keeps improving in the future and that I see more of this work.

I'm very thankful for the review. The only thing I have to add is that the description wasn't meant to be emotional and more of humor but I do understand what you mean. I'm glad you enjoyed it