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QueenChrysalisForever
Group Contributor
EChaos and Madness
Chrysalis was living a quiet life in the middle of the forest, slowly losing her mind in peace. At least, until Discord started visiting her from time to time, annoying her to no end. But today, he has an offer for her
The Sleepless Beholder · 3.1k words  ·  229  9 · 2.8k views

By The Sleepless Beholder

Summary:
This short was written for the May 2020 Original Pairings Contest. Chrysalis has been living alone in the forest with her wooden Mean Twilight stick and going insane from the mundane peace of it all. In comes Discord to cause his own special brand of chaos, wanting Chrysalis to join him in a little fun teasing of Ponyville. (After he had been bugging her for a month.) With Discord involved, lots of Chaos ensues.

First thoughts:
I really enjoyed this short. It was funny, Discord and Chrysalis were very much in character to their canon selves, and I LOVED seeing Twilight panic about her books. We start out with Discord bemoaning him being the only 'real' reformed villain, and trying to get Chrysalis to reform too. Though Discord's reformation is more so causing a 'little' chaos to Twilight and her friends.
All the pranks they played on the ponies were hilarious and reactions just how I'd imagine Ponyville's townsponies would act. Seeing a fan favorite show song used to pull one of the pranks was priceless as well!

Did I like it? Yes! This kind of story is right up my alley for kind of stories I love. S6 and after Chrysalis might not be my favorite canon version of her, but the author did well to make her likeable and her proud, snarky self. Discord and his chaos magic was golden. It was hilarious when he took Chrysalis Furniture shopping! I'm sure you all will love that part too! ;)

What I didn't like: Not much. The biggest problem I saw with this was grammar/spelling. With some a few letters are just switched around like for example:

The cheery joy of the song had almost completely faded form the ponies, and some started to get annoyed form what appeared to be some sort of prank. There were more questions for Pinkie, who still declared to be oblivious as to where the song was coming from or who was playing it.

Where the 'form's' in the first sentence should have been 'from's' instead.
Or where a sentence is missing a word: (ex.)

“Oh, but that would be boring. Do really prefer to be here all alone?”

Adding a 'you' in-between 'Do' and 'really' would make more sense.
While others were similar words but the wrong word like:

“Oh, that was great,” Chrysalis admitted while whipping some tears of joy.

Where it should have been 'wiping'.


Going to work a little with Nailah's style of reviewing here for the next bit:

At the heart of the story, it is about Chrysalis an Discord having a little mischievous fun and Discord trying to help Chrysalis out of her funk she is in since Thorax took over her hive and her plans with the Mean Six failed. This is a wonderful story and I don't see Chrysalis and Discord paired up nearly as much as I would like, as they make for some fun shenanigans!

The characterization is pretty on par. Not only with our main cast of Discord and Chrysalis, but with Twilight and the others as well. Discord is his crazy, chaotic self, teasing so many ponies and Chrysalis. Chrysalis is grumpy and snarky and just as broken over her recent past as one would imagine. Twilight is her super OCD self, panicking when things take a weird turn. Sleepless handles all the characters so well, and makes me wish we had an episode this fun with the villains in the canon show.

The story/concept is golden. I can totally see Discord acting like he does here to cheer his 'fellow villain' up. With what we see of Chrysalis during this time in the show, this could totally be canon in my book. Her woes and the insanity she is going through over all her losses, and Discord just trying to cheer her up.

This concept has been done to an extent before, but I don't think I have seen too many with the villains being the main characters for it. I wish we had more stories like this, with the villains not doing anything 'seriously damaging', but just going out to have their own kind of fun.


Now, for the overall score and my last thoughts:
I really enjoyed this story and feel Discord and Chrysalis make a great duo. I'm surprised this hasn't been done more often from the villain's perspective as to me that is the more interesting story than hearing it once again from the protagonists point of view. There were some spelling and grammar problems, yes it's true, but I have seen much worse.
Sleepless knows how to tell a good, funny, engaging tale and I look forward to more of their work in the future. The problems are minor fixes that would just take a fresh pair of eyes to catch, besides that, it was a fun short!
Totally worth a read for anyone curious!

Score:
Heart: 9/10
Characterization: 10/10
Story Concept: 8/10
Originality: 8/10
Spelling/Grammar: 6/10
9+10+8+8+6=41/50
8.2/10

To The Sleepless Beholder: You are a great writer and I really enjoyed reading this short. (I'm so sorry it took so long to get the review of it up, *smiles sheepishly* this month has been crazy!) Keep writing and bringing a smile to everyone's face with these hilarious stories. I hope this review was helpful for you and that you enjoyed it!
PS- Read a few more comments to find that English isn't your first language, so with how well you have done with this, even with the few errors, I find it commendable that you have done as well as you have. Keep it up and I am sure it will be able to rival even us native speakers! ^.^

7233358

I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! And thank you so much for the kind words :twilightsmile:

English not being my first language (It's Spanish by the way) is my biggest enemy when tackling stories, but luckily, I'm getting better with each story.
I hope you enjoy the sequel to this little bit of Chrissy/Discord madness.

And don't worry about taking your time, times are crazy for everyone, and honestly waking up to find this in my feed was the most pleasant of surprises.

I hope my next story is equally enjoyable, and good luck in the future :twilightsmile:

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