TAll That Lingers

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Drama
• Mystery

The night that Cadance discovered the ghost of King Sombra lurking in the Crystal Palace should have been the worst of her life. Her greatest enemy is now lingering in her own home... and she knows that she's going to get to the bottom of this.

• Cadance
• King Sombra

Ice Star · 5.1k words  ·  137  12 · 3.5k views

All That Lingers by Ice Star is a story with ten micro-chapters that connects King Sombra and Princess Cadance in the veil of the darkness surrounding them, both physically and metaphorically. It is interesting to see these contrasting characters to be bonded together into this story, and this certainly piqued my interest into checking it out.

Summary

King Sombra suddenly returns to the hallway of Princess Candance’s castle, to her obvious suspicion. After overcoming her sense of distrust of the dead, she realized that he gave her a familiar feeling of company that she did not feel for a long time, since she was left alone in solitude in her castle. As they danced on a daily basis, meeting at the exact spot, they spoke to reminisce and reflect on their past. They developed a relationship as they spoke in more natural manner and called each other nicknames. When Cadance struck a painful memory in Sombra’s mind through their conversation, she regretted her decision to speak out since she would lose the company she desperately needed in her endless life. She empathized as she remembered the coldness in her heart at the loss of her own husband when Flurry was young. Out of the blue, King Sombra did not emerge at the typical hallway that they would meet up, causing a flurry of activity by Candance to search for him. This is when Candance realized how much she wanted to be with Sombra, so she ultimately reached out to Sombra with an offer of romance.

Plot Analysis

I have to apologize for the long summary. The story conveys many subtle aspects that builds up the entire structure, which is the reason for the points to be outlined accordingly for easier reference. The subtle movement of the characters, the dialogue and mannerisms were fantastic to show the character build-up and the plot construction. The small gestures gave hints into the direction that the characters were feeling, which was executed effectively to lead them down into the path of friendship and even kinship. They helped to bring out the characterization of the two, building them up efficiently. The descriptions of the dancing and the conversations that they had was done well, and convinced me of their growing relationship. This is salient, since the story occurs in an unthinkably long time after the main show, and their personalities would have shifted along with the time that has surely passed.

This brings me to this point that I would like to highlight to the author. King Sombra was dead for such a long time…why choose this specific time? Was he simply waiting for Princess Cadance to feel that she needed company so that he could step in? And why? These mysteries are thought-provoking, yet they distracted me from the key stem of the storyline. Reading this again and again, my mind was perturbed to find the answers to the many questions that I had on both the lifestyles of King Sombra and Princess Cadance. I felt that a short excerpt for the two to explain to each other their respective reasons and livelihoods would help fight this problem, to explain the reader the justification of the premise of this story. A balance should, however, be struck when considering this, especially since the chapters are short. Some lingering questions would benefit the story in the development and appeal, but I fear that too many shrouds the story’s plotline.

Let’s look at Candance’s acceptance of Sombra’s offer to dance. Despite King Sombra’s reassurances that he did not come back to the Crystal Empire to cause any ills, I would be hesitant to step forth and be willing to accept Sombra’s request so readily. I understand that there was a deep void in the heart of Princess Cadance and she wanted company, but accepting Sombra in such a swift fashion is startling to me. I would be concerned of the potential perfidious acts that he might employ to take advantage of Princess Candance to even retake control of the Crystal Empire, even in his barely physical state. Perhaps, more development could be channeled just prior to Candance’s mechanical acceptance of the situation to better convince the reader of the change in relationship that they have.

Flow

The pacing of the story was generally smooth, but I do have a few points to make.

Everything was a secret, and what a lovely secret it was.

She found herself.

And tonight, she found their hallway empty.

It was a very silly thought, in fact it was as silly as her eyes watering at the thought of her ghostly lover vanishing like all was a dream.

She called him her true love, and only meant it half as a joke.

And now he wasn't there.

I deduce that “she found herself” refers to the fact that she had rediscovered her identity once again, and it also portrays the sense that she found herself alone in the hallway, without the presence of Sombra. And that she was glad that this was concealed from public scrutiny.

Unfortunately, there is a gap in the chain of events here, and I attribute this to the choice of the conjunction in question. Perhaps, using the word “but” rather than “and” would be a more striking contrast to show the difference. The following line, too, seemed disjointed, due to the style of the writing concerning the introduction of the incredulousness of Princess Candance to be thinking in such a way. A better transitionary phrase or sentence would help to tie the ideas of the princess observing the disappearance of Sombra with the impact it had on her, perhaps with more obvious movements and facial expressions.

Language

Errors were relatively infrequent throughout the story, though notably –

She nodded, feeling intrigue, as her coat sparkled just a touch more. "Can I ask you one more question first...?"

"I had guard when I ruled, yes. However, mine were kept in place with the use of some helmets that I'm sure you found in your armories when you took the throne. I wouldn't dare let a single one have a mind of their own after-"

The following sentences are phrased in an awkward manner that hampered the rhythm in reading. Firstly, this sentence is convoluted, and should be simplified by splitting the ideas into two different sentences to help demarcate the ideas.

She returned on the second night, her crystal coat glittering like tears and stood like it was she who was the ghost and he who was the god.

Secondly, the phrasing of “no matter how many pointless attempt to pick it up he made” should be “no matter how many pointless attempts he made to pick it up.”

"Entire windows you say?" The green piece of glass close to Sombra wouldn't budge, no matter how many pointless attempt to pick it up he made. "That sounds impressive. Luxury is something I've loved."

Otherwise, word choice was great. The paragraphing, too, was apt to separate ideas effectively.

Stance

This is a riveting, mysterious read due to the existence of the many unknowns that cloud this story, that I will recommend.

Content/Plot: 7/10
Flow/Communication: 7.3/10
Language/Readability: 7.5/10
Overall: 7.3/10

To improve, I think more consideration should be placed into the construction of the foundation on which the story is built upon to help paint the backdrop of the events occurring and the characters within. Of secondary concern are the consideration of greater foreshadowing of Candance’s acceptance to the dance and the logical chain of events in the writing of the story.