TThe Terror Below Hayseed Manor

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Horror
• Tragedy

"...thus was horror of the blackest depths and madness of the highest order born deep within the bowels of that old manor... horror and madness enough to send me screaming back into the putrid swamplands with what little remained of my own sanity..."

• Violence
• Death
• Twilight
• OC
• Moondancer

the7Saviors · 19k words  ·  150  6 · 2k views

So this piece is proving to be an interesting one to talk about, because from my guesses, it draws quite heavily on the style of H.P. Lovecraft. Now, I have to make a concession here and say that I haven’t read much of Lovecraft, so my ideas of what his style is like are from asking people and surface level research.

That being said, this piece is one that has a specific style and cadence to it, one that seems to have been carefully selected by the author. And the style works well if it is intended to replicate Lovecraft’s style. But on the other side, that makes this a difficult thing to parse out. Let’s hit it. 

The plot of the story is that Twilight Sparkle is asked by Moondancer to help investigate a mysterious tome written in an unknown language. After some research and travelling, Moondancer gradually goes insane and ends up summoning a demon which kills her.

The weird thing is that none of what I just said is really a spoiler since it’s pretty much spelled out in the description. And I say it’s weird because normally it’s not a good thing to reveal this much information in the story description. But the core of the story doesn’t really feel to be around the plot, instead it feels more an exercise of style than anything.

The story itself is told from Twilight’s perspective as she reflects on the incident, writing about it from a mental hospital. From what I’ve gathered, this concept of a narrator who is involved but isn’t really involved directly in a plot is reminiscent of Lovecraft, so props to the author. I think this style can be a bit tricky, and the analytical side of me wonders why she goes into such detail on things that seem inconsequential to the plot, but from the storytelling perspective, I understand it is difficult to do so while using this perspective.

I will say that the plot didn’t go where I thought it would. I kind of expected a ‘haunted house’ style story with eldritch creatures in it, but the characters don’t actually end up at the manor until the second to last chapter. The majority of the story seems to actually be building up to the manor scene in a slow-burnish way.

I don’t know if this is really reminiscent of Lovecraft, but I do appreciate the author’s tie ins to keep the reader invested… I just don’t know if it’s enough, because there were some sparse moments where I just kind of felt bored.

I’ve thought about it for awhile, and I don’t know if this is a major style thing or if it’s just me as a reader, but I’m inclined to believe it’s just me. Building off of that, the plot really moves at its own place. It introduces new elements to the story, but in the end it really doesn’t feel like any of these elements really amount to anything or answer any burning questions. Which I guess is an aspect of eldritch horror, fair, but I’m just not sure if I like it. 

The two characters at play are Twilight and Moondancer. Both characters do end up descending into insanity in their own way, and both seem to be fairly well developed with enough characteristics to keep the reader invested. I maybe would have liked to see some more actions on the part of Moondancer to really hone in the part that she’s going insane and becoming obsessed, though, as it kind of feels like she maintains a steady level throughout the story instead of progressively becoming worse. But overall I think it was solid. 

There were a few things I noticed that do tie in with the ‘style’ aspect. The story uses long, ramblish sentences that kind of go on for a bit. This is normally something I would criticize, but here it feels intentional, but that leaves me sort of on the fence.

The story also ‘tells’ rather than ‘shows’ at times, but this again seems to be another aspect of Lovecraft that the author draws on. Which is fine, I suppose, but isn’t something I’d recommend that everybody do.

Minor things. First, there’s an extra ‘the’ in the story description. Author might want to fix that. Next, there was quite a bit of repetition throughout the story where the same words would appear in succession to each other. The author may want to consider using different terms for variation. 

The prose itself leaves me on the fence. I can respect that it may be written in a style unfamiliar to me, but I don’t know if I like it. It doesn’t really scare me, but I’ve long discovered that not a lot of stories are actually capable of making me feel anything (beep boop). 

All in all, I feel that I may be able to better respect this piece if I were more familiar with the works of Lovecraft, minus the racism of course. But as it stands, I’m on the fence about how I feel about it. The prose is definitely unique and strong, and it feels intentional enough that I’m convinced it’s not just one big mistake. But as a reader, I can’t say with certainty if this is something I can get behind.

Fans of Lovecraft may beg to differ, and again I’ll gladly concede that I’m not familiar with his work. But overall, I think that the piece is definitely deserving of its tags and is definitely a nice foray into eldritch horror. Give it a shot if that’s your thing.

Next time, we’ll be branching away from horror stories and taking Silent Whisper’s Chaos Theory: or, the Very Bad Breakfast. This review will also be experimental, as I’ll be attempting to do it without the scoring component. See you then!

If you’re a fan of Lovecraft and eldritch horror, you’d probably enjoy this piece. But if you’re unfamiliar with the style, the prose of this one might turn you off. But give it a shot anyways! 

I really respect the prose you’ve used here, especially if it’s imitating Lovecraft. It’s definitely a creepy, dark, and forboding story that’s well thought out and executed. I think my biggest problem is just that I’m unfamiliar with the style. I personally would prefer if some of the sentences weren’t so long and rambly, but if this is an aspect of Lovecraft’s style, then I can recognize this and ignore it. I think if I read a few of his works I could get used to it, but as it stands it’s something new and kind of foreign to me, and I’m still not sure how it makes me feel. Still a very strong piece!

I do have my reading notes for your fic, if you would like to see them let me know.

Plot: 7
Characterization: 7
Prose: 7

Average: 7

7215366
Well, you were right in just about all your assumptions. I tried to stick as close to Lovecraft's gothic writing style as possible (right down to the prose and repetition) and I did that knowing it would turn some people away. This was more or less a love letter to his works, more so than any of my other stories and I won't deny the story suffered a bit for it, but I'm still happy with results despite its flaws. Thanks for the review though.

7215395
No problem!