TMy Little Pony: The Fox of Everfree

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Adventure
• Slice of Life

A young unicorn filly stumbles acrossed a treasured secret of the everfree forest., a young pre teen fox.

• Sex
• Gore
• Profanity
• Alt. Universe
• Sweetie Belle
• OC

Valtyrian · 49k words  ·  74  5 · 2k views

Summary: Sweetie Belle, having been chased deep into the Everfree forest. She finds herself in the company of a creature long lost to pony knowledge.

Deep in the Everfree forest, a young fox finds a young female unicorn in need of help.

Two different worlds collide as two creatures who are very different from each other try find a way to co-exist during the time they have together.

Initial thoughts: I picked up this story despite it's "gore" tag because it looked promising. The story in of itself is about a fox and a young girl, and boy am I getting "beauty and the beast" vibes here. This story is told from the perspective of the fox, and the narrator, but does shift focus to Sweetie near the end. This formatting is split up fine, and I was able to follow it just fine, however I do feel like there were moments within that didn't fit the characters. For example Rarity, but I will discuss this more in the actual review. 8/10

What I liked: The atmosphere, and the setting. The everfree forest is often seen as none threatening, it's nice to see a story that shows it's dangers, and we can feel the fear from both Sweetie Belle and the other characters. Of course the foxes aren't afraid of it for they live here, but I like how this was formatted. The story. It reminds me somewhat of beauty and the beast, and the bond is formed between Sweetie and Kohaku. I also noticed how the foxes tend to all start with "k" was this done on purpose? It's a nice little tie in.

What I didn't like: Show vs tell. There's parts here that should show us the struggles rather than tell. I noticed it more later on then in the beginnings. The last chapter is quite telly at times, and really should do another reworking to make it flow better.
Rarity. Honestly, the way she acts in this story is so unfitting of her. She can be quite dramatic at times, but at one point she goes from thinking her sister is dead, to not caring, to suddenly missing her sister in the span of a few chapters. It feels rushed, and makes her seem "whiny" and not her usual self.

Grammar: I didn't see anything here, it was quite clear that the author had a good eye for details, and a good editor. 10/10

Characterization: Sweetie Belle is very much in character here, it's clear we are shown her struggle, and how she's fighting within herself of what's right and wrong, but also being naive as she's still just a filly. Kohaku is the other main character and from what I can see he can come off as uncaring and a bit possessive of Sweetie Belle, but it's shown he does care about her safety. Rarity is really the downer here. I feel like she just isn't in character here, at least not the Rarity we know. 6/10

Story/Concept: Other than the obvious beauty and the beast reference, this story is it's own thing. So far not a lot has happened, and it's clear that Sweetie has formed a bond with her savior. It's also very clear that Kohaku wants to keep her. It's almost more he treats her like a pet, more than a possible mate. Might want to give him a bit more sympathy towards Sweetie in the future. Sweetie Belle can be a bit annoying at times with her frantic fumblings, but she is in character here and helps progress the story. 7/10

Overall thoughts: This story is quite good at it's core. However due to it being incomplete there's a lot I don't know, and I have to judge it for what's here. For what's given to us, it feels almost like a romance/action mixture, and while that is good, I don't feel we get enough of either to call this one of the "greats" It's good. It has a bit of a dip in the last two chapters with the "telly" ness of it, but overall it's a good story that shows promise. 7/10

Final Score:: 8+10+6+7+7=38/50
7.6/10

To the author: Keep up the good work, and continue being awesome. If you have any questions feel free to ask, I promise I don't bite.

Headpat worthy:
Boop Worthy: Yes (Not quite headpat levels, but still very good, enjoyable, and filled with action. Just please do something about Rarity.)
Meh:
Cringe level: