ELast Breath

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life

Princess Luna doesn't only visit nightmares.

• Luna
• OC

Zontan · 1.2k words  ·  106  3 · 1.5k views

By Zontan
Summary: Luna visits more than just nightmares.

This short was written for a speed-writing contest, but the way it reads doesn't feel sped through, but well thought out. It is very short, so we go through the story quickly. Luna visits a stallion in his dreams, to give him a message from his son, and to request one in return. A warning now- if you cry from sad stories/movies/tv shows, you very well might sob from this one. I don't want to spoil anything for you so will keep this part short, just know this reviewer was sobbing after her first time reading, and still teared up quite a bit in later readings as well.

Now, being for a speed writing contest, it doesn't go into as much detail on certain things. The father's message is all told in the background. Yet for this type of story, that works. We the reader don't need to know what he told Luna. Those of us who have been in similar situations kind of just know what he might have said. This story has a lot of heart and soul in it.

Like stated before, this doesn't feel like a speed written story, as the quality of the writing is amazing. I don't know if the author went back and edited it after the contest, but if they didn't than that just amazes me even more. I found little to no spelling or grammatical errors and the story flows smoothly. The pacing is just right for this sort of story. I didn't feel bored from it being too slow or confused from it being too fast.

The plot was simple, Luna helping a father and son have one last word with each other, even if it came through her and not themselves, she was able to give them that one great favor. That doesn't mean it was any less good than a longer fic though and was just the right length.
Even with a story of less than 2k words, I felt for the characters, the emotions they were dealing with, the things they had seen. Like stated before, I cried hard through the first reading, as I have been in a similar situation to the son, only with a great friend rather than a parent. The emotion hits you right in the gut about a quarter of the way through and doesn't let go.

Pros:
- It made me cry! Always a good sign when an author can get such emotion from the audience
- Little to no grammatical or spelling errors.
- Very relatable story. Most if not all people will always wish they could have one last word with a dying loved one have that special moment to forgive.

Cons:
-it made me cry! Yes, this can be on both, heh. Even though I knew it was going to be sad, I wasn't prepared for such a good cry.

Score:
-Grammar/Spelling: excellent, few if any errors 9/10
-Heart- this short had this in buckets. A emotional roller-coaster. 10/10
-Plot- Simple, but effective and works for this type of story- 9/10
-Writing Quality- Excellent! This didn't feel like a speed write, as it was just that good! 10/10

Overall:
38/40
or
9.5/10

I really enjoyed this short, even though it made me cry.

To the readers: This little speed written story is totally worth reading. You'll likely shed a few tears if not outright bawl, but we can all use a good cry now and then.

To the writer: Whatever you are doing, keep it up! I loved this piece and even though it made me cry, it was worth the read. I found little to no fault in this short, which is pretty amazing with it being a speed written one. I look forward to reading more things from you.

Thanks so much for this review! I’m glad you enjoyed it, and sorry for making you cry.

I did go back and do a few small edits after the speedwrite, but it was just adjusting a line of dialogue here or there, tightening the phrasing and correcting any grammar errors. The core story didn’t change.

I’ve submitted a bunch of my other pieces to the group for perusal, so don’t worry, you will be seeing more. ^_^

7209493
You're welcome, and it's okay I needed a good cry. :)
*nods* I figured it would be just the small things like that, and that is fine, it turned out amazing~
Excellent, I shall have to grab some of them then! Hehe