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QueenChrysalisForever
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Summary:
Three Alicorns head off to find an Oasis paradise, where they have heard they can find a potion to make male alicorns and have foals of their own. Contained in the FOE fandom fictions.

Note: Spoilers for original work by KKat below.

The story starts out fast, placing us what feels right near the end of our three main characters story as they draw closer to their destination. Having read the original FOE by KKat I was not entirely lost and could still follow along fairly well, and I enjoyed getting to know our alicorn friends. (Always a favorite plot point of mine, seeing things from the opposite view.) Our main OC's, Shadebloom, Azura, and Shimmersage were enjoyable to get to know, though with such a short story in what feels like a tale that could be novel length I would have loved to learn more as they went through their journey.

Working with the original material by KKat, from what I remember from my last reading, I feel this short follows the concept and world view well for what could have happened after the main events of FOE and its conclusion. Shimmer and company all have distinct characterization that was enjoyable. Seeing how the alicorns coped after the disasters they faced was something I always wondered about.

The sexual scenes were rather short and not overly explicit, but being this is meant to be about the journey and not the sex itself, as it's not a clopfic, that is understandable.

I think my main problem with the story, of which I have already seen some explanation in comments, is the length. This story is a great idea, and seeing Shimmer, Azure, and Shadow through their journey easily could have been an average novel length if not longer. I would have loved to read more about the problems they faced rather than just a few lines explaining them. I understand how writing a novel length work can get exhausting and leave one without the want to continue, I've been there, but in the end if one can persevere I feel it could be much rewarding.

Pros:
Sticks well within the developed world created by Kkat
Seeing behind the opposite view, and their wants and needs
Enjoyable main characters

Cons:
Feels like the story starts near the end rather than the beginning
More details on their journey would have been ideal

Score:
Idea: 6/10 Solid idea, though could be extended
Characters: 8/10 Enjoyable, fun, and canonically believable for this Alt Universe section of the fandom
Entertainment: 6/10 Was a fun read, but could use some improvement like for one, could of been better if longer

6.6/10
The overall story was great, characters believable with their own quirks, though I would have loved to learn more about each of them. Since we start near the end of their tale, things feel rushed as we hurry to their destination and their new lives wrapped up, The main thing I felt hurt the story was the length, but I think that is a common thing in this alt world as the source material being so long makes any shorts for it seem too short.

I admit it's not structured like a traditional FoE fic and clearly suffered for it. I was shooting for a one-chapter romance on the lines of "A Mare Worth Fighting For" but because I was using an entirely brand-new cast, I think I had unrealistic expectations for what I could get away with doing.

I agree a longer version of this story would be pretty fun to read.

Thanks for taking time out of your day to review my work! :heart:

I was prereader for this story. I had never read FoE--I don't do grimdark--and yet, this story grabbed my interest and held it. Made me care about the characters and taught me a bit about the verse in the process. My personal opinion is that it was as long as it needed to be for its purpose, and I wouldn't mind one bit seeing more of these three in the future.

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