The composer a review! - My Little Reviews & Feedback

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Firefoxino #1 · Feb 20th, 2020 · 2 · ·

Life after ruling for Celestia is boring, almost too boring. However, on one of her strolls, she comes across a lost runaway filly. It quickly becomes clear that there is more to the filly than what meets the eye.

Smug Anime Girl · 42k words · 75 5 · 3k views

Summary: The story tells the tale of a faithful encounter in a back alley of the ex princesses vacation city, Silver Shoals.

Celestia, during one of her common walk through the city found her attention piqued by a crashing sound and a fallen trash bin in an alley, in there she will find Schuberry a little mute pegasus filly with a passion and incredible talent for music. Seeing the filly in a sorry state Celestia brings her home and care for her.

Now, the story is in writing so what comes next may be a little spoiler but not too much seeing that it is handled in the very beginning of it. The story elapses to Twilight Sparkle and the young six, it will be her who will task the youngling to go and investigate the news of Andante, a famous composer, being the father of Schuberry and they will have to find out why she was in such a state to begin with.

At first the story settle the pace very nicely with it going smoothly and it's not rushed towards the goal of presenting the filly for the audience to let them know about her, unfortunately this all changes when Celestia comes to know who her father is.

The story from there comes out too much rushed, in less than five thousands words we come to the reveal of a not so good father who used her adoptive daughter as a mean to create new music and gain on it. The young six also steal from his house but we can safely say that wasn't the issue, barging in houses around Equestria seems to be the norm.

The issue comes with Celestia and Luna who both enjoy the young filly music so much that in less then one chapter they decide to adopt her on the spot. While I believe in things happening like that sometimes, I also wanted to say that a bit more of flesh around the relationship between them and Schuberry would have made it much more enjoyable to read in my opinion. The pacing could have been handled better in this specific part and it may very well weaken the story a lot for some readers.

The author did describe the scenes of Schuberry playing the piano with quite the vocabulary, they used a lot of evocative terms to make the reader understand the feeling of the audience listening to it which really makes the scenes shine. Extra points for that, showing rather than telling is one of the most used advice as well as the most useful one in my opinion and the author handled it wonderfully.

As for a continuation of it, the story is still in progress but with the, let's call him "main villain" already discovered and dealt with I can't really see how it would go on, the author took a bit of a leap of faith here and I hope they will be able to use it well.

Overall it is a good story with a solid writing behind it but with some lacks in the characters and how they act and behave in accordance to what happens around them.

Another minor thing, and this is for the author, use the apostrophes to make Schuberry writing, the usage of Italics may work but if it comes to a chapter with lots of thinking and writing it may become very complicated.

Using Italics for thoughts works if only one character at a time do so. What I mean is don't put two or more characters in the same paragraph with them thinking, it will become confusing.

Rating

Idea: 10/10 the idea is good and Celestia is a wonderful character for it.

Execution: 6/10 the idea is good but the execution could have had some more thought put into it, the intrusion of Twilight and the young six ruins the story by not making it focus only on Celestia, Luna and Schuberry which would have made it an incredibly heartfelt story.

Writing 10/10 the story is written very well with the usage of a lot of description and a lot of variations in the sentences so they do not become redundant.

Overall: 8.6 a good story that I enjoyed reviewing and reading I will keep an eye on it and if necessary do another review.

Nailah