Hey, all! Hope you all had a good week!

Today’s story is another one written by our very own Schatten.

TA Timberwolf For Forrester

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life
• Anthology

Timberwolves are seen as vicious killers by many creatures all over Equis. But what if they were wrong in their assumptions?

• Violence
• Death
• OC
• Griffons
• Dragons
• Timberwolves

Schattendrache · 34k words  ·  22  2 · 682 views

Anthology! One of those things that seem like a cool idea, though unfortunately I never really see it done very well.

So, how does this one do? Let’s see...

EDIT FROM FUTURE CYO: It's come to my attention that the short stories in this fic haven't yet been finished. I'm going to leave this review up, but bear in mind that most of the issues I raise here are kinda invalid. Will do another review once Schatten decides he's developed the stories enough

Overview

A Timberwolf for Forrester is, as the description says, an anthology of stories about timberwolves. Specifically, it’s about timberwolves finding a place to belong with members of other species. As of the time of writing, there are three little stories currently already written: The Story of Bramble, The Story of Splinter and The Story of the Black Pack.

I guess I should go into specifics, though. And since it’s a relatively short anthology at this point, I’ll go through each one of the short stories separately first, then do a summary review after.

Story of Bramble

This one is a short, one-chapter story. Here, we start with a timberwolf mother who’s given birth to a runt daughter, Glade — she’s smaller and less physically capable than the others of her pack. Because of this, her pack is forced to abandon her in the forest. She is subsequently found and adopted by a pony colt, Chip, and his family after he hears her howls from outside the forest. The story ends on a hopeful note, with Glade sleeping beside Chip, having found her new home and family.

This is a simple story, about an abandoned pup finding a new home. There’s nothing wrong with simple stories, of course — the issue with this is that it’s shallow in theme, in addition to being simple to the point of cliche.

Here: instead of giving you that short description above, I could probably have simplified this down to, “This is a story about an abandoned pup who finds a caring family”. That sentence tells you everything you need to construct this story entirely, plus-minus a few extra details.

Outside of that, it’s a rather flimsy story, with nothing truly meaningful happening inside it. There’s not much true conflict in this story, and is overall not memorable.

Story of Splinter

This story is the longest of the three, being a triple chapter story and taking up well over three quarters of the entire fic word count. It’s also the most complex of the bunch, with numerous characters and groups from different species playing roles.

We start off with a rather clueless young timberwolf male (is there a name for that?), Splinter, trying to convince one of the females in his pack, Mist Coat, to be his mate. This first part of the story has Mist Coat engage in what I can only call unsuppressed flirting with Splinter, where she all but openly declares that she intends to have him as her mate. This part mostly serves to explore Timberwolf pack culture and behaviour, before the main story begins with a herd of griffon mercenaries killing a few members of the pack, and Splinter getting seriously injured and separated from his pack.

In the second part, we’re introduced to the titular Forrester, a pony whose special talent is communicating with timberwolves. The majority of this story comprises of backstory, before the story continues with Forrester hearing the cries of an injured timberwolf, and stumbling on Splinter.

The final part has Forrester convincing Splinter not to hurt him, and to follow him back to his home to escape the griffons and hopefully heal the injured timberwolf. The story ends with the griffon mercenaries refusing to kill any more of the timberwolves, and ending their contract with the ponies who hired them.

This story is much better than the first. It’s far less cliche, for one; for another, there’s like, actual meaningful conflict to be found here, both with the griffon mercenaries and between Splinter and Forrester. It’s far more compelling than the previous one, and touches on more complicated ideas like societal expectations and the morality of exterminating dangerous animals. It feels much more well-thought-out!

Still, though, it’s plagued by some serious structure and focus issues, which has resulted in a story which still feels peripheral, and not very deep at all. Huge portions of the story are devoted to exposition of things that aren’t that relevant to the story as a whole. 

In addition, I’m having a lot of trouble trying to actually identify the main focus of the story here: is it Splinter and his relationship to his pack, or the griffon mercenaries and their code of honour, or Forrester and his timberwolf research? It seems like Schatten’s decided not to have an actual focus, so much as he’s thrown together a bunch of scenes and disparate ideas with the hope that they’ll stick.

Story of the Black Pack

The Story of the Black Pack is a strange one. In contrast to the previous two stories, this one takes place entirely without any dialogue. The main character here is a solitary dragon living in a desert, Senthorix.

We open with exposition, which is rarely a good sign. After, the main story begins with Senthorix chasing a fledgeling dragon out of his territory, then stumbling into a group of young timberwolves playing while resting in a small desert cave. Senthorix deduces that they must have lost their parents, and decides that killing them would be a mercy. As he is about to burn them to a crisp, before having a flashback to himself as an orphaned dragon child. He decides to spare them instead, finding himself caring for the group of timberwolf children.

This is a story which explores the power of the bond between parents and children. Or… something along those lines.

Yeah, I guess I’m not hiding the fact that I didn’t like this one very well. Problem is, everything that happens in this one is just unconvincing. The moment when Senthorix figures out that the timberwolves lost their parents doesn’t feel very significant at all, for example.

More than that, the story tries to present Senthorix being influenced by his own past with his adoptive mother, this forming the entire basis for the climax of this story. Unfortunately, the execution here was kinda bungled — Senthorix’s final decision to spare the pups feels like something he might naturally do, and not some expression of deeper character. He’s shown to already be somewhat compassionate, throughout the beginning portion of the story. The decision itself feels inconsequential, as Senthorix never really seems to acknowledge any repercussions of choosing to care for the pups.

Final Review

Each of these stories is pretty well-written, for sure. Each is a story about relationships that transcend the boundaries of species — whether it be through compassion, care, or the simple love of a young child. Certainly worth writing about, especially in this day and age!

Unfortunately, simply aiming to deliver a good message doesn’t make a good story, nor does it automatically make that message especially strong. The problem with these stories is that there seems to be very little thought put into trying to make the relationships between the timberwolves and other species meaningful, and the plots seem forced and cliche because of it.

Also, reading through each story, there’s some great material brewing under the surface — unfortunately, the fic fails to really commit to any of this, focusing on peripheral stories which, though they might be sweet, are frustratingly shallow.

Also like, conflict is important, Schatten. Bramble and the Black Pack’s stories have none of this, or at least none that’s meaningful.

Grammar and Use of Language: 7/10

Generally alright writing all around. Though, I did see tense errors popping up more often than they should, especially between past / past-perfect tense.

As a little side note, the story relies very heavily on exposition instead of revealing these details through the story. I’m not sure whether that falls under this category or not, but I’ll bundle it together with ‘Use of Language’, since it’s technically a style thing.

Character and Characterisation: 4/10

This section owes all its marks to the Story of Splinter. I’d honestly have given this 0 or 1 otherwise.

Stories one and three have flat characters with little or no deeper character. Not only that, they’re not particularly memorable or interesting characters.

Story of Splinter does reasonably well in this section; the griffon mercenaries are pretty interesting, and there’s a lot of time spent exploring characters and their backstories, enough to give the main characters some depth, at least.

Thematic Strength: 2/10

I’ve said multiple times throughout the review that the stories are mostly weak and flimsy. This is the section that’s impacted the most, as the stories lack focus and deeper meaning than just what they appear on the surface. Some of these stories had some great potential too, which was honestly the greatest disappointment.

Total Score: 4/10

Strength of theme should be especially important for an anthology, where short stories with little time to work with still have to make an impact when put together. Schatten had a solid idea of what the theme should be, but the fumbled execution and weak story fundamentals really brought this one down.

Also, I’ve purposely skimmed through the specifics on each story for brevity. I’ve been having a pretty busy week, and writing three reviews in one is just not realistic at this point That said, feel free to ask me for details!

7079739
I ahve the feeling the administration staff of this group always gets low ratings by you...

7079874
Hehe, what gave you that idea?

But on a more serious note, I do have justifications for low scores. Also, the two of you submitted genres that I'm pretty comfortable with, which also means I'm confident enough to give them lower scores

7080380
Well, at least I know how I need to progress with this 'story'. I was talking to someone and asked if I should start more stories or finish the ones I already have. I probably should have finished the stories I already have before sending it in to you.

As a side note;

as the stories lack focus and deeper meaning than just what they appear on the surface.

I don't write like that. I write on the surface level and actively avoid putting anything into a story that could be construed as subtext or any form of proselytizing of beliefs or politics. I just write stories, nothing more. These were just meant to be stories that one could sort of see happening in real life.

7080380

Some of these stories had some great potential too, which was honestly the greatest disappointment.

I am interested to know what potentials you did see in them though. Since I haven't finished any of them, you might be seeing the directions I was going to be taking the stories in. That would be funny to hear you get the answers right seeing as that would mean you were able to discern the plots due to me not possessing a subtle bone in my body.

7082399
First, I had no idea that you hadn't finished writing those stories yet. I just sorta assumed that they were complete, actually. I guess a lot of my review's invalid now, huh? Sorry! Here, send this to me again after you've developed the stories more. The review's a little incomplete at the moment, I think.

I don't write like that. I write on the surface level and actively avoid putting anything into a story that could be construed as subtext or any form of proselytizing of beliefs or politics. I just write stories, nothing more. These were just meant to be stories that one could sort of see happening in real life.

I remember having this exact same line of conversation with you after the last review I did for Moonlight In my view, having a conventional plot or a character arc already means you're saying something. Stories aren't real life, after all.

But that's not quite what I meant. I mean that the story events have no meaning for the characters or the world -- they don't reveal any deeper character, or say something about the world, or anything like that in a convincing way. It's just not engaging, as a result. I guess I could have phrased that better

As for the stories' potential, I've nothing specific in mind, really. I just thought you could have brought in more of the conflict between ponies and timberwolves, that sort of thing. I'll look forward to seeing you continue them though.

7084868
That's fine. As I said, it was my fault for sending it in so early.

And sorry about the depth thing. I am just a little sensitive about people telling me I NEED to have deeper themes and grandiose subtexts on the nature of the human condition and other such things. I had to suffer through my collage Creative Writing professor espousing that every class and I just never got the point, mostly because I find the idea of putting messages in art to be trite, and at its worst, detrimental to a piece of work.