TThe Wife of the Old Draconequus

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Drama

The legend of how the rare Sleigh Beggy became the wife of the mage that is neither fae nor human

• Alt. Universe
• Discord
• Fluttershy (EqG)

misskoifishpony · 52k words  ·  70  4 · 1.8k views

Alright every pony, Nailah here with another review, however I've chosen to do this particular review two different ways. One for those who haven't seen "the anicent magnus bride" and one for those who have. The first will be those who haven't seen it. Now, with that noted. Onto the review.

Part 1:
Summary:

Initial thoughts: Clearly, this was based on an anime, and that's fine and all, but for those who haven't seen it, it can be confusing as to what is all going on. - nice details, though a bit showy in execution in the first few chapters, information dump in the first chapter, and you can tell that it was heavily inspired by an anime, which is both a good and bad thing, as this often can work against a piece if not done properly. And honestly if you aren't a fan of the shipping of Fluttercord, there is really nothing here that makes me feel to recommend it for readers. 5/10

Grammar: The spelling and grammar is decent, however where it feels flat is in the execution of "show not tell". But overall it's pretty decent. 8/10

Characterization: Characterization: Example: She recollected her thoughts as fast as she could and cleared her throat, “I was just saying that I wasn’t looking for any childish delusions in my room. Or anything of that sort! Nope! No siree! I was just... looking... for my... clip! Yes, my hair clip!”

This line starts off like Fluttershy is panicking and yet the "no siree" part screams "pinkie pie" to me. I really can't imagine Fluttershy saying something like this. And the lines after it....eh. I feel she'd go all quiet and try to bury herself in her mane. Clearly, I can see the author was trying, it just doesn't match up with the Fluttershy we know and love.
The other characters such as Capper and Verko, as well as the brief Discord we have seen, all seem fine. It's just Fluttershy that feels a bit "off" at times. 6/10

Overall thoughts: I love Fluttercord, so when this was requested for me to review, my eyes got all sparkly. However, without knowledge of the anime, the only reason to read this is for the romance and fluff, which so far there isn't really much of that to make it a "romance" however since this is incomplete that may change. However, I must judge what's here. And as such it's a decently written tribute to the anime, but for those that haven't seen it, which is anyone reading this part of the review. It's just not worth the time invested. Total score: 6/10.

Part two:
So you've seen the anicent magnus bride. Good. Let's break this down.
Summary:

Initial thoughts: This story was clearly written with a lot of love for both the anime and Fluttercord. However love for something doesn't make it good. Believe me, I've learnt this the hard way. However, I do admire that it's not a "copy" of the anime with ponies in place of the characters of the anime. However, I must admit because I've seen the anime, I don't believe Discord is truly a fitting match for the old bone mage. Whom is very reserved/quiet, with a mysterious past. Whereas Discord is the spirit of chaos. The only reason I see for choosing him for this role is simply the shipping, and that Discord's form is well "monsterous" to some. Overall, it's still a decent read. However I don't feel there is enough here for it to truly stand on it's own merits. 6/10

Grammar: Overall, execution here is pretty good! I didn't see many issues over than instances of telling us what was going on, rather than showing the actions. 8/10

Characterization: Everyone still feels in character, except for Fluttershy. Who seems a bit "odd" at times. I really like how they choose to do their own thing rather than follow step by step what the anime does. However, there are similarities to the anime here, like Fluttershy getting sold, and purchased by Discord. However this time she doesn't choose it of her own free will but is forced to the auction, where in the anime Chise chooses to sign her life away feeling she has nothing left to live for. But overall, I liked it! 7/10

Overall thoughts: Clearly, a love letter to The anicent Magnus bride, and also to Fluttercord. It's decent, however I still feel there could be more. Just this piece is currently incomplete, so this might be addressed further into the story. However, right now unless you like the anime and Fluttercord, I can't really recommend this to a reader. There's nothing about it, besides the two obvious things that makes it worthwhile. So...say you are Azure Drache. (my boss) he doesn't like Fluttershy but likes Discord. I don't think he would be able to enjoy this story. SO unless you like these things, this story isn't for you.
Final scores:
Fans of anime/fluttercord: 7.5/10 Pretty solid! I like it. Keep up the good work. More fluff.

Non-fans of anime/fluttercord: 6/10. It's "okay" but there is nothing here that stands out. I'll leave it up to reader discretion. But this is just MY opinion, and I'm just trying to help those avoid wasting time on a piece that is incomplete that isn't necessarily "their cup of tea.

To the author: As a fan of both, I liked this! However the incomplete tag REALLY nags me. Please write more? *fluttershy eyes*
Keep up the good work! <3

6983261Interesting little review -well, maybe not little review- but you get what I mean. I see why it was so difficult for you. One question though, Is this story technically two in one, or something?

6983265
It is a love letter to the anime and Fluttercord. If you aren't a fan of either, there's nothing here that is worth recommending. That is what I was attempting to say. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.

6983261
Hi Naliah^^! Thank you thank you so much for your wonderful review of my story:) <3 I cannot tell you how much I deeply appreciate, not your honest constructive critic, but also the fact that a Fluttercord fan and an Ancient Magus Bride fan got to review it was even more a treat^^ <3 I liked how you broke up the review, splitting it between reading it as a Ancient Magus Bride fan and as a non Ancient Magus Bride fan was a smart move. The review in terms of a non Ancient Magus Bride fan perspective has given me a wake up call of how I really really need to make this story more accessible to non-Ancient Magus Bride fans. If you have any tips on how to do this, let me know. If not, no worries, I'll think it over thoughtfully and get back to it:) I do want this story to be accessible to non Ancient Magus Bride fans as well as AMB fans like you:) You're right, I really need to do more show than tellXD That is definitely the weak point in my writing and I will make sure that the upcoming chapters don't get too showy:) Another weak point in this and I totally agree is that the first chapter was too much of a info dumpXD I really should have space out that information throughout the story, I think was in a mind set of making this story accessible to non Ancient Magus Bride fans and wanting to set the rules of this world as soon as possible so that way, no reader was confused. But, it ended up being an info dumpXD

This line starts off like Fluttershy is panicking and yet the "no siree" part screams "pinkie pie" to me. I really can't imagine Fluttershy saying something like this.

Haha lol maybe it's Andrea Libman accidentally going into Pinkie Pie voice again? Haha lol sorry bad joke I know But yes, I agree my writing for Fluttershy I've noticed is not as strong as some characters that come more naturally to me like Pinkie Pie, and this is something I need to improve on and quick since The Wife of the Old Draconequus relies heavily on Fluttershy.

This story was clearly written with a lot of love for both the anime and Fluttercord. However love for something doesn't make it good.

True, very true. And this is something I have to constantly remind myself as I go forward with this story.

Believe me, I've learnt this the hard way.

I'm so sorry that you had to learn this the hard way:(

However, I must admit because I've seen the anime, I don't believe Discord is truly a fitting match for the old bone mage. Whom is very reserved/quiet, with a mysterious past. Whereas Discord is the spirit of chaos.

Haha lol well this also goes along with the theme of this story not being a complete copy of AMB in a way Yes, I am fully aware that Discord is complete different from Elias, but that's what makes it fun for me as a writer and for readers hopefully. Although it's easy to say for me that it's fun and interesting to write Discord in Elias's role and I know how Discord's characterization is going to go from here, while the readers don't really know yet. Anyway, while the large reason why Discord is in Elias's role is for shipping, not gonna lie, I'm a shameless Fluttercord shipperXD But the other reason why Discord is in Elias's role in this story is because whenever I do MLP retellings, I do like putting MLP characters in roles that don't exactly fit themXD I mean it fits them in some aspects, but for the most part, they don't fitXD I don't know if you ever seen this or not, but I like to take the Pinkie Tales route when it comes to my MLP retellings and whatnot;) Lol!

It's decent, however I still feel there could be more. Just this piece is currently incomplete, so this might be addressed further into the story.

As the story progresses, hopefully there will be more to given since the source that this story is based on has so much to give and plus I have a lot of original ideas that I want to play with as more and more chapters are added to this story. Especially since I plant some small seeds in all these chapters so far that will be expanded upon as the story progresses. And with more content, there should be enough to satisfy both AMB fans and non AMB fans. I am curious if you saw these small seeds I plant since you're familiar with AMB;) If you can't, then clearly I need to make those seeds a bit more obviousXD

Fans of anime/fluttercord: 7.5/10 Pretty solid! I like it. Keep up the good work. More fluff.

Haha lol don't you worry my fellow Fluttercord fan, there shall be more fluff on the way;) I wouldn't be shameless Fluttercord shipper if I didn't include the fluff;)

To the author: As a fan of both, I liked this! However the incomplete tag REALLY nags me. Please write more? *fluttershy eyes*
Keep up the good work! <3

Haha lol don't you worry, I will be writing more:) Oh much more;) This will be a long storyXD Not only will I be covering stuff in S1, but also stuff in the manga that goes beyond S1^^ Please make a S2 for AMB oh dear Anime gods when the current arc in the AMB manga concludes. Just curious, do you read the AMB manga?:) Anyway, so glad that you like the story and thank you so much for putting this story in your favorites <3 I hope stick with the story as each chapter gets posted and stick with it until it reaches it's completed state:)