EGive Them Back

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Slice of Life

Indigo Zap steals Sugarcoat's glasses

• Human
• Indigo Zap
• Sugarcoat
• Sunny Flare

King_Again · 1.7k words  ·  52  3 · 2.7k views

Give Them Back
Writer: King_Again
Genre: Romance, Slice of Life - Rated Everyone
Read: Completed at 1749 words, 1 chapter
Recommendation: Read if you want to see SugarZap or whatever that ship’s called - IndyCoat, maybe?
Rating: 7/10

Apologies for the hiatus; university applications take time. Now, the first time I read this it was because the premise interested me; not because I was obliged to review it. I liked it then but didn’t favourite it. The same applies this time too. Good work but not great work. 

Basically, Indigo Zap has something of a killer crush on Sugarcoat. So far so good. Due to having the interpersonal skills of a chimp, she decides the appropriate course of events is to steal her girlfriend-to-be's glasses in a fit of surprisingly-in-character immaturity. Then they kiss and make up.

That’s not to say this story is perfect though - I’d have given it a favourite and 10/10 if it was. King_Again’s narration here drags somewhat; it's very “tell” not “show”, especially in the introduction or whenever Ace Thruster Colt Crush (a rival love interest) is brought up. Remember that English is a language with many synonyms. Using the same word again and again, “flirt” or “glasses” for example, gets tiresome and samey fast. And if it's not for a specific effect, it gets frustrating too. The grammar here isn’t perfect either and it passes the state of “mediocre but readable” to “mediocre and hard to read” for me. There are numerous spelling mistakes, capitalizing errors, and syntax issues here. If you don’t mind that, good for you - you aren’t me. Italicizing the flashbacks was a nice touch though.

However, the romance itself was quite charming. Both characters react fairly believable and in accordance with canon expectations. Indigo’s idea, while dumb as all heck, is totally fitting for her and it is a breath of fresh air to see a scheme like that actually work. Using Sunny as a viewpoint character was also an interesting narrative quirk and it is helpful to see something like this from an outsider’s perspective. Showing us Ace Thruster Colt Crush’s reactions to the ship finally “setting sail” were also enjoyable.

Plot: 4/5. No complaints.
Characters: 4/5. Charming enough.
Style: 2/5. Too much show and in need of a thorough edit.
Execution: 3/5. Perfectly workable one shot romance.
Overall Rating: 13/20 = 7/10

To King_Again: Good work but I would advise you to check up on your grammar and maybe to ask for an editor as well in future. Furthermore, using an OC isn’t necessary here either - MLP has literal herds of characters, I’m sure you could find some other insufferable pickup artist in the canon cast. Neon Lights could work, for instance. Practicing descriptions wouldn’t hurt either, seeing reactions in detail here can really help paint a picture of what’s going on. Also, add a comedy tag to this fic; seeing Indigo’s antics was quite funny.

As always, if you enjoyed this review, feel free to check my other writing here and here.