ERed/Yellow

• Equestria Girls
• Sad
• Slice of Life
• Tragedy

Whatever happened to the "other" Sunset Shimmer? Our Sunset finds out.

• Sunset Shimmer

The Cloptimist · 2.6k words  ·  181  6 · 4.3k views

Review for Red/Yellow

Overall thoughts: I really enjoyed this story, I really felt for Sunset Shimmer's inner struggles, and how it connected the pony Sunset with the human version. I could feel how much she was trying to hide her feelings, guilty at herself for all she's been through, and yet she is working through it. A good example is this:

Example: It's good that I know, she thought. It was part of her. It was part of who she was. But only part. If her past actions didn't define her, and goodness knows how hard she'd had to work to accept that, then where she came from couldn't possibly change who she was now.

She looked at herself in the mirror, realising, with a horrible jolt, that the face staring back at her was the face of that human baby, all grown up; the young woman whose life she was now living, a life that should have belonged to another, now entrusted to her.

"I'll make us both proud," she said, to her reflection. "I'll do this right."

She smiled at herself, and for a moment, it was as if Sunset - the other Sunset - was smiling back at her.

She nodded.

"I promise."
End example.

This really shows how much Sunset wants to change. And how far she has come. 8/10. I only really wish there was more.

Emotion: The emotion in this, in my honest opinion can make or break these kinds of stories. In this case, I believe the emotion adds to the weight of the story. I don't feel as if it's overly played for dramatic tension, and it gets you truly understanding more about Sunset and her dilemmas. 9/10

Idea: I have never seen much of this idea around on Fimfiction, but I'm sure it's been done before. So the idea itself isn't that original, but it's all in what you do with the idea. Said idea could be written a bunch of different ways, and each author will have a different perspective on the struggles that Sunset is going through. I gave props to the author for sticking to their guns on what they believed, and wanted to see, even if it's not nessarily canon, I still find it vastly interesting to read. 7/10

Grammar: I only saw one little tidbit that needed fixed really.
Example: Sunset didn't remember how she got home, but as she shivered and pulled on her dry pyjamas,
I think you mean pajamas, but probably just a typo, easily fixed!
I'll admit grammar is hard! But I feel you have it just rest, and the way the text is at times, helps get the message across. I can't see much flaws here. 9.5/10

Overall thoughts, and score: I really like how the summary engages the reader to wanting to know more. I typically don't like sad stories, they often make me feel depressed, but this story had me wanting to know more, wanting to see more of Sunset Shimmer's inner struggles, and how she is dealing with that turmoil. Often in life, we can only truly count on ourselves to get through tough times, so I really like how mature Sunset is, but still is willing to reach out to Twilight in this dark time. The writing itself was very well written, and I could feel the emotion in Sunset's words and thoughts. Total score: 9/10. Mostly just nitpicking here, but there were a few things that could have been even better. Keep being awesome~

Thanks for the lovely review, I didn't know it had happened until I saw this thread!

"Pyjamas" is the British spelling, I didn't even realise it was different elsewhere. Since Sunset isn't British, I'll change that now :)

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We, here are Australia call it good old "PJ's"