[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]

Drama with the mane six with suggestions of friendships being tested? You have my attention. I like ponies, and friendship problems, or why am I here? Let's dig in!

Mostly fine. I did find one error that I pointed out. Grammar: ★★★

Use of show canon: This is clearly set in Equestria. I never felt like I was on an alien world. The main characters, on the other hand, are a bit... rough. That is the central conceit of the story, however. It felt jarring to hear them speak this way. It was like the adventures of the Discorded Mane Six ★★

Character Consistency: I think I touched on this above. I can see the mane six nitpicking each other, but it would be in ways specific to their own viewpoints. None of them, for instance, would just say 'that other friend is dumb.' Twilight would call Pinkie maddeningly irrational. Rarity might confess she finds Applejack to occasionally be frustratingly backwards in her techniques. Things that are reflections of themselves, if that makes sense? On the other hand, Fluttershy was polite while dissing someone. Loved that part. ★★

Plot Flow: The narrative itself was straightforward and if you ignore the characterization, works just fine. There's even a lesson at the end! It was like a strange little episode of the show. ★★★

Entertainment: It did not work for me. Ponies, be good to each other! Or, at least, be bad in ways that better reflect yourselves. ★

Overall: ★★ It's alright, for a short story, but feels... awkward and not quite right. Please do keep putting virtual pen to virtual paper, dear author. Those moments of brilliance made it clear there's more to come!