The Rejuvenationverse 48 members · 24 stories
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Purple Patch
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And now we come to Chancellor Puddinghead, one of the most famously controversial leaders of the Earth Pony Republic.

The history of earth ponies is fairly easy to excavate and put to paper as most of is simply buried beneath the soil they till. Pegasus architecture can be weathered away by the full force of the elements high in the clouds and the early pursuits of magic often had disastrous consequences for the early unicorns. This makes their origins a great deal less certain.
The first of what would become earth ponies arrived on the stormy shores of far-western Equestria. By what means they came is unknown, numerous stories suggest any number of theories and fables but none have been proven.
Harried at every turn by the ‘wild horses’, Equestria’s original natives who regarded all strangers as abominations deserving of death, the earth ponies found no safety in the green pastures and were forced to scratch a living off rocks, trees and sand. Yet through their evolving mindsets, they crafted a whole new way of life from the rocks, trees and sand, building structures from wood, stone, soil and glass, as well as weapons with which they struck back against the wild horses and took the green where they founded their first city, Stallstad, just on the Applewood near what is now Los Pegasus.

The first organised earth pony society was originally a theocracy that venerated their first and greatest builder, Mason the Magnificent, a giant of an earth pony with the muscles and mind of a demi-god.
Mason, son of Mace, was credited to be the greatest builder in Earth pony history, crafting the first castles, bridges, towers, ships and roads, as well as formulating organised warfare, crafting weapons and artillery and using these creations to make his tribe great.
His son, Masonson, built the continent-spanning open road known as the Great Courseway that many in Equestria take for granted in the modern day, leading out to and from every city to open travel, trade, communication and reinforcement whenever called.
And his son, Masonsonson, was the first Chancellor to hear of the presence of unicorns and pegasi in Equestria. His first response was to begin preparations for a great wall to keep them out of Earth Pony lands until such a time as his armies knew how to challenge and destroy them, expanding the earth pony domains beyond the border. But Masonsonson was struck by the deadly quarry-fever outbreak a year into preparations and died in weeks. His pregnant wife, Millet, had given him no son, only a daughter.
The daughter’s name was Gingerbread.

This created a schism in the Masonic Church. There were those who believed a mare was not to be considered the heir of the founding stallion, those who believed any heir was to be considered regardless of gender, and even a small sect that believed the mare was the anti-founder who would destroy the faith and the earth ponies with it.
Until they reached a decision, Gingerbread, at the age of four, was placed under guard in the sanctuary of Mason’s Rest, the great cathedral, and never spoken of as the Church split into three.
The Church of Honesty which believed that Gingerbread had every right to serve as the new ruler of the Earth Ponies.
The Church of Fidelity which believed that the line of Mason had ended and they must wait for a sign that would point them to a new ruler.
And The Church of Nominy which believed that Gingerbread and all who allowed her to live would bring down society and must be purged.

To avoid a civil war, a Republic was charted up by Humble Pie, the first Chancellor of the Earth Pony Republic.
The Republic was a democratic constitutional government with multiple branches and each city state of the Republic ruled by a senator, judicial governor and representative, each with multiple lesser mayors who oversaw town and village control, military commanders, ambassadors and guild leaders.
The root problem was that, with the Schism, to avoid a near-total break-down of law and order, Humble Pie set on satisfying every key individual of power he could find in order to keep them loyal. With the arrival of the pegasi and unicorns, an earth pony civil war was the last thing they required.
However, the earth pony Republic, formerly the Theocracy, was a vast expanse with many different leaders each needing or wanting many different things. The subject of the pegasi and unicorns was just the tip of the iceberg and during the first official hearing, the entire government erupted into a mad brawl in approximately four minutes, unable to agree on anything. Humble Pie soon learned that gathering every figure of power in the Republic into one large room was a recipe for total chaos. Nopony wished to share power yet everypony wanted more of it. Far too many saw the chaos as an opportunity to accumulate their own power rather than safeguard that of the Republic. The end of Mason’s line had deprived the earth pony race of a strong ruler, both loved and feared, and the arrival of the pegasi and unicorns had deprived them of their common goal.

Originally, the earth ponies had hoped to spread out into this new continent that never seemed to end until all were kings in the new world with their own castles and legends to call their own.
Yet now, that was no longer the case. Now they were trapped in their own lands, fast running out of resources, enemies at the gate and winter nearly upon them.
Humble Pie had hoped that, over time, the Republic’s leadership could be suitably settled, refined and trimmed wherever possible once the merits of each individual figure could be determined but the stresses of leadership proved far too much for him and he died of a fatal stroke two months into his term in office.
In a snap election, an old stallion by the name of Hodgepodge was elected Chancellor. Hodgepodge was the head of a powerful bank, one of the Republic’s earliest and largest, and almost every figure in the house had worked with him in the past so it certainly seemed, outwardly, a good choice. But Hodgepodge hadn’t actually had much hoof in his family business for some time as he’d lost most of his wits in his old age, only slightly awake at the hearings and leaving the various figures in the house to settle their own concerns. As a result, the hearings stopped, the various leaders went home and the Republic was largely discarded, the most powerful figures ruling at different times and in different ways as each visited Hodgepodge one after the other and competed for his favour so as to receive his permission to expand their personal spheres of influence.
The Republic had seemingly failed in a mere season. And as winter drew close, the collapse of society seemed inevitable for the earth pony race.

Now, the reason I start with the note about how easy earth pony history is to collect is because of a great controversy around the Founding. The more mainstream legends surrounding the great winter would have us believe the nomadic earth ponies were victimised by both the unicorns who forced them to carry and cater to them, and the pegasi who spoiled their harvests and made off with their supplies.
These legends are written by earth pony chroniclers far from Canterlot or Ponyville and dated approximately a hundred and fifty years after the founding.
After cross-examining the few surviving histories of unicorn and pegasi, who almost never agreed on any point but this, along with checking earth-pony records far closer to the approximate dates of the founding, this common-held assumption is not the case.

The Earth Ponies were, if anything, the most powerful and the most violent of the three sides.
The likelihood of them being used as slaves by unicorns and raided by pegasi is...very slim.
Because as far as documentation goes, the earth ponies themselves acted as raiders and, over time, slavers.
In the warlord states, farming was considered a shameful profession, those who practiced it under constant threat of rival governors raiding their fields or even their own governors deeming them useless. Most farmers at the time were actually convict labourers, serving their sentences by tilling the soil.
The line of Mason had driven out the wild horses from the green pastures and, for most of their early history, this was what most earth ponies thought suited them.
So a race of ponies appearing who clearly were not earth ponies was seen as either an enemy to be destroyed or a rival to be ransacked.

Before one demonises Puddinghead and Smart Cookie however, one must take into consideration that, at the time of the great winter’s coming, neither of them were in power at the time. Indeed the Earth Pony republic had no clear leader. It was a Republic in name only and, when each state set about building the wall to keep out the approaching newcomers, they saw more sense in building it around their state borders to keep out their enemies in the houses of government.
Even after the three tribes agreed to cooperate, the earth pony warlords would constantly raid the lands of pegasi and unicorn, taking everything they could, including mares and foals, and simply blamed it either on their chancellor or their rivals. This is what made the unicorns and pegasi regard the earth ponies with such contempt; they were proving completely uncooperative, abusing their trust at every turn. No truce lasted a moment and none of their hundred representatives spoke for any other behind their walls. The winter still hadn’t come for the earth ponies and the chaos in the west was at its peak.

There were of course various groups who opposed these practices, such as Malouse River County, Ablehoof Valley (Where Appaloosa would one day be founded), Dunholm (Where Midnight Blade grew up) and others. As a result, after Humble Pie’s death, the leaders of such areas were vetoed and barred from the hearings and, as time grew on, no longer received the defences and resources granted to other states. Also, these groups were far away from the conflict, often embroiled in wars of their own elsewhere so the Founding makes no mention of them.
It was a mess and there seemed no way out of it.
Only a madpony could spot a way out.
And that’s where Puddinghead comes in.

Puddinghead was the daughter of Charcoal, a miner the great rock farms, and Hot-Pot, a former courtesan Charcoal had fallen in love with, paid release for, and married.
The areas around the rock farm were once home to the aptly-named rock farmers, honest and dutiful philanthropists. But in the chaos, the territories had been seized by a warlord named Badfort, son of Beavric. He’d gained control through his alliance with the leaders of the Church of Nominy, leading forces of torch-wielding fanatics against his enemies.
The Church in this area was led by Gronckle, son of Carbuncle, the Church’s founder. Under his order, he had every foal ‘tested’ to determine whether they would be a freepony or a slave.
A day-old, every foal would be placed in the treetops and left there for two hours for its mettle to be tested. If it cried at all, it was weak and would live its life a slave.
It is believed that this practice was instilled to accommodate the labour shortages. It can’t be denied that this was not an ethical practice, even at the time.
Here, the newborn Puddinghead did something quite unexpected.

The foal wrestled itself from the branches’ grasp, clambered about them, grabbed one of the branches in both hooves and spun herself round on it, laughing with joy all the while and giving a great cry of ‘WHOO-HOOOOOOOO!’
All present were completely stunned.
The foal wasn’t weak.
Just completely crazy.
Charcoal was allowed to keep the filly but he’d have to keep her under strict control. If his judgement of his daughter was deemed lax, either the warlord or the Nominants would take charge.
[Note: The Church of Nominy and its practicioners were religious fundamentalists of the most zealous degree. Anything that was not practiced in Mason’s time and by the stallion himself was considered heretical. Manual workers were vilified, seen as thieves and cowards and constantly threatened with slavery or death for any offense, real or imagined. The Church of Honesty abandoned this belief upon their breaking and the Church of Fidelity followed suit soon afterward, neither finding this particular doctrine practical at the time or particularly moral.]

Yet throughout her foalhood, Puddinghead showed signs of complete mania that, while not technically harmful to anypony, certainly became cause for mild concern. Her name was taken by her habit of routinely placing a bowl of gruel over her head and wearing it like a headdress.
Charcoal despaired of such antics but Hot-Pot, Puddinghead’s mother, often found them most amusing.
There is a slight theory that such theatrics were put on by the filly to cheer up her mother. As a former prostitute, she was constantly denounced and heckled by the Nominists along with Charcoal. His career as a miner was threatened time and again, with unsavoury villagers threatening to pay his wife for her former services which often led to brawls.
This caused Hot-Pot to suffer from nervous breakdowns, confining her to bed for days on end. While in her state, Puddinghead would do anything to make her smile.
Growing up, she was first brought with her father to learn how to mine at approximately the age of five.
When tasked to chip ore out an outcrop, records relate, she threw away the pickaxe, reared up on her hind-legs and head-butted the outcrop with staggering force, breaking it into boulders, as the metal ore rang with the tremor, allowing the miners to locate it easily.
For essentially allowing them to meet their quota, Puddinghead and Charcoal were celebrated as heroes in the village. No longer mocked or degraded, the filly’s bizarre behaviour became much more endearing to those around her.
However, Badfort had been anticipating the miss of quota to give him sufficient reason to force the miners under his chattel and place them under semi-slavery. And the filly was proving a problem.

Badfort’s power-hungry antics, it seemed, were not going unnoticed by his rivals.
Hodgepodge died of mysterious circumstances. If a Chancellor died in office, he was permitted not to choose but nominate a successor if such a will existed. By chance, he’d left such a will.
Vying for chancellorship would be a hardy stallion named Boxer.
Boxer was the son of Grindstone, the leader of the Church of Fidelity. For a long time, Grindstone had sought to find an heir of Mason that could reunite the earth pony kingdom and if the heir was produced from his own kin so much the better.
Boxer was a dedicated farmer who fought the stigma fiercely, set on proving the profession a noble one through hard and honest work, supplying the republic with all it needed to endure.
Other farmers and slaves looked up to him as, being a very large and intimidating stallion, he was able to ‘convince’ overseers and taskmasters to show patience and consideration to the working pony as well as drive off any brigand that went after their produce.
He was defined by his motto he carried everywhere he tilled the soil-
“I will work harder”
This became something of an anthem to his electoral campaign.
Widely popular among the majority of earth ponies, despite the attempts of the warlords to rig the polls, Boxer was appointed Chancellor within the season.
Boxer’s first task as Chancellor was to begin negotiations with Gingerbread on the state of affairs in the broken Masonic Church. Many of his congress advised simply dissolving the former regime, imprisoning or killing Gingerbread and leaving the religious community in the hooves of the Nominists. Of course, this was the last thing Boxer intended.

Gingerbread, now a full-grown mare, longed to do her part in keeping the republic together, ending the war before it broke out and getting their tribe through the harsh winter and turmoil that was approaching.
She saw a way to do so. A way that may have proved unpleasant for her had Boxer been any other kind of stallion.
Gingerbread was revered by the Church of Honesty, headed by Pink Lady who ran the fruit tree cultivations across the Republic, guarded fearsomely in these troubled times.
While the Church of Fidelity, headed by Grindstone, ran the grain production and trade routes.
A union of these two factions would revitalise the agriculture of the Republic, supplying civilians and guards with food and starving out their enemies in the Church of Nominy who’d monopolised the mines and foundries. The Nominants expressly wanted Gingerbread dead along with any who wished otherwise. If they were destroyed, the schism would end, the Republic would be given its true ruler once more and the earth ponies would be saved.
All it took was Gingerbread and Boxer taking each other in marriage.
Boxer accepted. The two, its recorded by the sources I refer to, quickly grew on each other, each finding their virtues that would save the republic completely enthralling.
To the Honestants and Fideliants, the arrangement was not what each leader had hoped but nonetheless suited their wishes for the moment and their respective leaders agreed to the engagement.
And so the two were married within the month and soon after Gingerbread showed signs of pregnancy.
The Nominants protested vehemently and Carbuncle swiftly made secret pacts with as many figures in the congress as possible who denounced the marriage at their hearings but Boxer was unperturbed, declaring that firstly, his marital affairs were his own, and secondly, the affairs of the Church were their own.
Many left the congress in protest but Boxer did nothing to retrieve their favour, likely welcoming being rid of them. Gingerbread, however, urged him to keep a watchful eye.

But this would prove a problem. The Nominants held particular favour with the militaristic warlord factions who all stood to gain from their survivalist ideals treated as the norm in earth pony society; war, slavery and the pursuit of glory and prosperity through force of arms. If there was anything the warlords agreed on, it was this. Carbuncle knew this well and sought to capitalise on it.
However, due to either a sense of practicality or genuine belief, he wished to see what sort of foal Gingerbread would produce. If there was any possibility to declare the heir of Mason found, he would need to find some way to benefit from it.
Throughout her pregnancy, Gingerbread sought out her friends in both the Churches of Honesty and Fidelity, urging them to ensure Boxer was properly guarded. But whenever she did so, Boxer would send them back, urging them to ensure Gingerbread was properly guarded.
As tension rose, the Nominants began a campaign of terror in the streets, seeking out outspoken enemies of theirs, dragging them from their homes and leaving their brutalised bodies in the city squares, leaving sordid messages to promise Boxer and Gingerbread would be next.
The stress nearly killed her but at last, Gingerbread gave birth to a daughter, Smarsha Kitchelle, better known as Smart Cookie.

Bronycommander
Group Contributor

6313009
Sounds like hard times but gingerbread Sounds like a Great Leader. And nice Name for her Daughter

AmorphousFurrySnakeThing
Group Contributor

It can’t be argued however, this was not an ethical practice, even at the time.

Pretty sure the "not" shouldn't be there :derpytongue2:.

A horse named Boxer with a catch phrase of “I will work harder”, do I detect an Animal Farm reference, perchance?

Purple Patch
Group Admin

6314892
Well, even among the other earth ponies at the time, this was seen as unnecessary.
The Nominants weren't the safest bunch.
Yes, it's an Animal Farm reference. One of my favourite books. :twilightsmile:

AmorphousFurrySnakeThing
Group Contributor

6316017
Ach, parsed the sentence wrong, sorry.

Purple Patch
Group Admin
Cherry-Lei
Group Contributor

I like this story, I don't what history inspired but I can't wait for Smart Cookie's turn

Purple Patch
Group Admin

6320962
Well, the history here was a little more mismatch.
There's really nothing you can base a batcrap-bonkers individual being elected head of state.
No Trump Jokes. It's too easy.
The Schism of the Masonic Church I based off the Catholocism/Protestantism Divide (With the Nominants portrayed as the worst of Fundamentalists)

Cherry-Lei
Group Contributor

6321017

Oh I see thank you, I never knew about that part of history, ah yes, there's never a shortage of religious fundamentalism. I can't wait for more

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